maddie82

I mentioned this in another post but I just feel like I'm going crazy sitting here. My abf ran out of the house to use b/c I didn't feel like talking. Says he can't believe how insensitive I am and now he's going to go overdose b/c of me. I feel like I need to chain myself to my couch to stop from going out and searching every starbucks bathroom within a 2 mile radius for him. I haven't even called to check on him since he left-first time I've ever been able to stop myself from doing that. I decided to try and study for the LSATS to take my mind off of what he may be doing but it's useless trying to concentrate. I can't stop thinking about it...I thought coming on here might help me from going out there after him. I'm trying

raerae6

yeah, I'm sure it's pretty hard to concentrate when he pulled a stunt like that? it's like he's trying to manipulate you into thinking it's all on YOU.

Grrrrrrrrr...I hate that kind of crap!

Good for you for not making yourself crazy going out ot look for him!!!!

Lovestoomuch

I second that. Good for you not running after him. I used to hate the "poor pittiful me" routine. My ex actually used my attitude as a reason to use. Oh........who am I kidding?? He used any excuse to go and use.......it was just usually me. Hang in there and don't go chasin after him. He'll show up. They ALWAYS show back up.

mendingheart

If it is not that excuse, there will be another to follow. You could stand on your head and do handstands, and the fact is, it just does'nt matter. You did not cause this, you cannot cure this and you cannot control it. This is the three C's to live by....do something for yourself and take care of you. He is going to do what he wants no matter what. The drug wins. Try Alanon.....it helped me work on me tremendously.
You will learn a lot about yourself. keep posting and reading,you will learn a lot from many wise people here who share.

Jewelz

Maddie he is just using that as an excuse to use. He will regardless if you talked or not and thats his form of manipulation to make you feel guilty, the wrong one and the crazy one. Good for you that you didnt go chase after him.

Remember there isnt a thing you could do to stop him.

hugs,
Jewel

greeteachday

Wise words before me...Absolutely he will do what he will do until he is done, and there is nothing you can do to change that. It's so hard to realize we really are not the reason and that we can not control addiction. I'm glad you came on here. It helped me to constantly remind myself that worry and obsessing did absolutely nothing to make things better and certainly made me worse.

Keep reading and posting and if you can find a meeting it will be so helpful. At first meetings were just the hour and a half that I did not think constantly about addiction, but soon they really started to help me work program and it has changed my life for the better. Hugs

maddie82

Thank you guys so much. I feel my sanity slowly returning...for now. I'm still really worried but I guess you're right, I couldn't have stopped him. It's just so hard to wrap my head around how his mind operates. I think I'll use this downtime to do the dishes, I deserve a clean kitchen!

Lovestoomuch

Oh sweetpea...........I don't think we'll ever be able to do that. I gave up trying......and when I did.......life was so much easier for me.