oneeyeopen

Well, I am feeling pretty good about things. The so-called ultimatum is going along fine...I was thinking about dolly-do's comment to one of my postings about ultimatums not working but instead to set boundaries and stick to them. In some ways they are the same thing. Basically what I said to the abf is "you do drugs...You and I are history." I said, "Look, I can't tell you what to do or not to do, you want to do drugs, that's your right, What I can do is decide what part I will play in it and I have decided I will NO LONGER be the girlfriend of an active addict." In other words--my boundary--will not be with someone, anyone, who does drugs. If he puts himself back into that category well, then we know where I am going to be, smack behind my boundary, tossing anything he might have left behind at my house out the window.

In the meantime --Boundary 2-- I do not spend a PENNY of my money on him. For example, he says "let's go have coffee" and I say -- you have any money? and if he can't pay for himself I say, Nope. (the other day I really did want to go out to a cafe, so I went myself.) I explained to him that if he had needed to spend all his money getting his car fixed or something like that, sure I would have no problem spending my money on him, but he went and spent all his money on drugs and therefore I am not going to spend any of my hard earned money making up for it.

I have made it through three days of the new regime. I feel strong and good about it, and you know, I swear the abf seems somehow relieved by the boundaries.

On another note -- lovely 4 day weekend for me.

I start my new job on monday so I decided to finish up my old one today to give myself a bit of a break..plus--- I think my no chocolate/ice cream/sweets regime is working, I might have actually lost a few pounds!!!!!!

thanks all

marle

Good for you and your boundaries (ultimatums) sound good too. Whatever works, huh. I am starting to make my plans for summer vacation. Get up early, walks, major housecleaning. Need to keep busy. Hugs, Marle

patchoulli

good for you. I remember when it was always my money for any little treat we had, progressed to any food in the house was bought with my money. This lead to much resentment. I like your boundaries and will remember them..marian

greeteachday

So glad you are feeling good. You sound strong in your boundaries and you are showing such healthy attention to your own needs and desires. Enjoy your four day weekend and much luck with the new job. Sounds like lots of positive new beginnings! Hugs

rayofsunshine

Have a nice 4 day weekend and the new job sounds great too. You've done a good job setting the boundaries. Hopefully, he'll work on his recovery now, but if he breaks the boundaries, you sound strong enough to enforce them. Prayers that everything works out for the best for you.