What Character Defects R You Giving Up?

Old 06-06-2007, 10:32 AM
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(I realized at my last meeting,
evading the truth is not being totally honest.)
I think I knew this....

Being judgemental.

Being resentful.

Oh gee, I have alot to work on already.
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Old 06-06-2007, 11:05 AM
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get it, give it, grow in it
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Fantastic thread, Thanks

Seems when we take the spotlight off of others and put it on ourself how much there is too see. It feels good to change the things I can, myself. I use to be a perfectionist. Now I am much more relaxed with my environment and those in it
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Old 06-06-2007, 11:37 AM
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Definitely judgemental. Not with everyone, but still too much for my own comfort level. very good topic...Marian
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Old 06-06-2007, 01:54 PM
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get it, give it, grow in it
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Anybody ready to have God remove those defects?
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Old 06-06-2007, 02:15 PM
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Asking God to help me on those defects HAS helped me. He doesn't do it alone...I have to be willing to accept his will. I'm still working my 4th step...I find it is like when I do research papers...I have a hard time finishing the research and writing the final paper! So taking my own inventory seems to be a lengthy process, but one filled with spiritual growth.
Giving up control has really set me free...I know I slip still, but I am in a much better place than I was. I think accepting that it doesn't matter what other people think has helped me to stop wanting to control outcomes that are not mine to control.

I know I still have to work on impatience with what I perceive as ignorance...prejudices, lack of caring, etc. Who am I to judge?

There's so much more...everything written before me and more than that. Thanks SS!
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Old 06-06-2007, 03:32 PM
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'Round and 'Round I Go....
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Too Agreeable. I don't think this text box could hold all of my defects. But that's the big one. I agreed with almost everything but I realized I was just avoiding confrontation and it was easier. I'm still working on it but I am not so agreeable anymore and I like it. I am able to say "No" and mean it and I'm able to say "I don't agree with that....".
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Old 06-06-2007, 04:20 PM
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my defects...???? hmmm???? know up until the last year or so i thought i was my higher power so defects is tough...(just kidding, sort of kind of)

i am too reactionary - i have to learn to shut up once in a while - i am getting better with that...

i am very critical - i am trying to not let little things bother me...

i need to *really* let it go - i say the right things and know what i need to do but i still hang on to the last little bit of control...

i'm realizing what needs to be done and that's a good thing - just realizing your faults is huge to your own recovery - working on them takes me a little more time - i'm trying...

good thread...

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Old 06-06-2007, 05:02 PM
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don't quite know how to respond to this right now, but i'm sure that i'll be able to soon. thanks for giving me something to think about.
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Old 06-07-2007, 10:35 AM
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get it, give it, grow in it
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Anyone working on this today?
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Old 06-07-2007, 10:59 AM
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I need to bring my HP into more aspects of my life.

Do a better job of paying attention instead of tuning out if it sounds like more Yadda Yadda Yadda.

Keeping quiet more.. less proactive. I am more direct than I used to be.. sometimes good and sometimes not.

Patience w. people.. God Grant me the PATIENCE to deal with people cuz if you give me the strength they are gonna be real sorry!
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Old 06-07-2007, 06:30 PM
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Taking ones own inventory- an incredibly new concept for me as I familiarize myself with the steps. I think it's difficult for me not to overindulge in berating myself about my flaws - I take it to the extreme.
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Old 06-07-2007, 06:38 PM
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Originally Posted by lightseeker View Post
All of the ones noted before me are applicable on a daily basis.

I am also working to improve my self-care. My boundaries are so fluid that I don't protect myself very well at times. I get blindsided by other's irritability/anger and bow up in my reactions to their moods.
This is SO relevant for me. I, too, am INCREDIBLY reactionary to others reactions and entirely focused on THEIR mood, words, love, affection, attention, validation, praise- (the list goes on!)- in order to spark a change in me. I do not want to have to wait for "conditions" being present to feel good about myself.

I am beginning to see how blindsighted I can be - sucked into others problems and drama that I will completely forfeit my wants, needs or my feelings to ride their wavelength and see their truth while promptly discarding my own. This is one of the biggest injustices I think we do to ourselves- not honoring ourselves first. DOING this though when you haven't for so long is also especially difficult- it feels wrong and the "After burn" of guilt and shame and whatever else bubbles up really breeds discomfort. I'm always apt to dive into the first negative emotion that comes my way because I'm use to this.
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Old 06-07-2007, 08:08 PM
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good heavens, where to start...the flaws I need to work on (can't say I have managed to give any up, infact I feel like I just gain them)

Interrupting people -- not listening to them but instead, when they are half way through their thoughts I jump in and give them my take on things, like as if my opinion/view is so clever and smart and more important than theirs.

Self-centeredness -- this is a struggle because I tend to be rather self-centered, a trait I don't like, yet at the same time as part of our recovery we try to focus on ourselves. So I guess what I really need to do with this one is strike a balance between an appropriate amount of self-centeredness and too much.

low self-esteem -- big issue for me and creeps into everything -- (as in, I am not even worth as much as a rock of coke...)(realized that the other day -- I AM WORTH MORE THAN DRUGS!!!!)(that would be a step forward.)

worrying too much about money. and letting that worry make me slightly selfish and even at times conniving so that someone else will pay for something so that I won't have to spend the money on always letting my mom pay for lunch or just standing there at a check out with the abf so that he will be the one to pull out a debit card.

yeah, control, control, control...

how about, getting into my PJs in the afternoon and not going out after that, hiding out at home and avoiding the world, watching tv as an escape...I really need to get out and live a little!

letting some of my favorite activities -- yoga, writing, and walking -- just disappear from my life..

Ach, the list goes on. I should print this out and hang it up and work on all of them!
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Old 06-07-2007, 08:27 PM
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For me definitely being judgmental, critical and controlling.

I've come to realize that not only was I being judgmental, critical and controlling to those around me but I did it SO badly to myself. Everything I was inflicting on others I was inflicting on myself 10 times over.

There's a great quote that I always try to remember:

"As I see that how I treat others is a reflection of how I treat myself, I am kinder to myself in all I say and do" - unknown

It was a part of my horoscope one day and definitely one to think about.
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