please pray for me,
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
please pray for me,
i need wisdom, guidance, strength, encouragement,any and all feedback please. sorry yall i know that this is a double post but i need to all of you right now.
ok. here's the deal, i've felt so all alone and i know that i don't have a reason to. felt so ashamed to let any know the truth about what has been going on with me. i told yall how for all of these yrs, i allowed my ah to convince me that i was going crazy and that i'm always seeing things, always accusing his of sneaking other women into the house while we are home and in other rooms, and engaging in unheard of sexual activities, well, i allowed him to come around last thursday, i guess was so confused and i didn't want to keep him away from us just on accusations, so i kept going back because i didn't know for sure what he was or wasn't doing and i wanted to be fair and right in the eyes of god. i just didn't want to give up before the miracle and i did believe all of these yrs that it would one day happen, so i just couldn't let go.
well by the wkend, he started doing weird things around the house and here i go investigating his every little moves. he successfully convinced mine and his family including the kids that i was seeing things and just keep accusing him of bring his women friends into my house. well the other day he had this great idea to make a porn movie for me with my camcorder and that he was gonna erase the tape after he finished. well i wasn't involved but kept coming in and out the room trying to figure out why and what he was doing. he made the tape, convinced me that i needed to stay out of the room while he did what he did, wanted me to go to the store for this or that. anyway i started to have this panick attack so i left the house so that i would keep looking for whatever he was doing. when i got back, he decided that i didnt' need to see the tape that he made for me and decided that he was gonna record over the tape, when he turned his back i pulled a switch on the tapes and he erased the wrong tape, the next day, i spent all day studing this 1 1/2 long video tape, and the more i looked at it the more i saw. finally i saw the person that he had in the room and the talking, the tape clearly revealed that i was out the room and show that some one else was. now i know for sure what i've been trying o figure out all of these yrs. , somehow i erased the tape trying to dubb it just in case i needed it one day soon. today i know and now i need a little encouragement and all the feed back i can get from you guys. i posted this here but may feel the need to post it in a new thread, don't mean to repeat this sick story. sorry it was so long.
ok. here's the deal, i've felt so all alone and i know that i don't have a reason to. felt so ashamed to let any know the truth about what has been going on with me. i told yall how for all of these yrs, i allowed my ah to convince me that i was going crazy and that i'm always seeing things, always accusing his of sneaking other women into the house while we are home and in other rooms, and engaging in unheard of sexual activities, well, i allowed him to come around last thursday, i guess was so confused and i didn't want to keep him away from us just on accusations, so i kept going back because i didn't know for sure what he was or wasn't doing and i wanted to be fair and right in the eyes of god. i just didn't want to give up before the miracle and i did believe all of these yrs that it would one day happen, so i just couldn't let go.
well by the wkend, he started doing weird things around the house and here i go investigating his every little moves. he successfully convinced mine and his family including the kids that i was seeing things and just keep accusing him of bring his women friends into my house. well the other day he had this great idea to make a porn movie for me with my camcorder and that he was gonna erase the tape after he finished. well i wasn't involved but kept coming in and out the room trying to figure out why and what he was doing. he made the tape, convinced me that i needed to stay out of the room while he did what he did, wanted me to go to the store for this or that. anyway i started to have this panick attack so i left the house so that i would keep looking for whatever he was doing. when i got back, he decided that i didnt' need to see the tape that he made for me and decided that he was gonna record over the tape, when he turned his back i pulled a switch on the tapes and he erased the wrong tape, the next day, i spent all day studing this 1 1/2 long video tape, and the more i looked at it the more i saw. finally i saw the person that he had in the room and the talking, the tape clearly revealed that i was out the room and show that some one else was. now i know for sure what i've been trying o figure out all of these yrs. , somehow i erased the tape trying to dubb it just in case i needed it one day soon. today i know and now i need a little encouragement and all the feed back i can get from you guys. i posted this here but may feel the need to post it in a new thread, don't mean to repeat this sick story. sorry it was so long.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Teke, first of all forgive yourself for believing and trying once again. Its okay and its human.
Next, as hard as it is you finally have your answer. There's no more doubt. Use that fuel to propel yourself forward and get away. We all go through different feelings emotions and bouts of denial, sometimes it goes on forever. Ive been guilty of it in all avenues myself, and funny thing is Im trying to get a PI friend to watch my AH right now looking for the same thing, only because I need a little something to propel me across this fence I seem to be standing on top of not sure where to go.
Know that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. NOTHING. Unfortunately your AH is a very sick man in more ways than one. He has NO self esteem and is reaching out for anything to make him feel better, and sadly he doesnt even know it, he has no clue. You have to go forward for you.
If you need to talk about anything dont be ashamed, saddened or embarrassed we are all here for you
Next, as hard as it is you finally have your answer. There's no more doubt. Use that fuel to propel yourself forward and get away. We all go through different feelings emotions and bouts of denial, sometimes it goes on forever. Ive been guilty of it in all avenues myself, and funny thing is Im trying to get a PI friend to watch my AH right now looking for the same thing, only because I need a little something to propel me across this fence I seem to be standing on top of not sure where to go.
Know that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. NOTHING. Unfortunately your AH is a very sick man in more ways than one. He has NO self esteem and is reaching out for anything to make him feel better, and sadly he doesnt even know it, he has no clue. You have to go forward for you.
If you need to talk about anything dont be ashamed, saddened or embarrassed we are all here for you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Bucks County PA
Posts: 1,343
teke, i totally agree with cindi and all that she said. i just wanted send you some (((hugs))). your ah is the sick one here and now you know it for sure. i'm so sorry that you had to go through all that, but we are here for you.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Hey Teke..
Take a deep breath and turn to your HP.. God as you have said. I am praying for you.
You recognize what you did wasn't healthy or helpful. OK.. Now you KNOW.. what action will you take, if any?
I can tell you this much. When I found out I was being cheated on, I felt so VIOLATED. I STILL feel Violated.
I think what is important is you KNOW so now the thing to do is take care of YOU. Get tested for STD's. If RAH or AH is living with you, show him the door until you can figure out if this is something you want to live with or can live with, or not!.
I have too much respect for ME to live with a cheater and/or a drug user.
Take a breath Teke and take a step back. Go back to Step one.. ya know.. the powerless step.. and start moving forward again.
I believe in you Teke and I send out my prayers and best wishes and love for you. Now go ahead and believe in yourself.. and be your own best friend!
Take a deep breath and turn to your HP.. God as you have said. I am praying for you.
You recognize what you did wasn't healthy or helpful. OK.. Now you KNOW.. what action will you take, if any?
I can tell you this much. When I found out I was being cheated on, I felt so VIOLATED. I STILL feel Violated.
I think what is important is you KNOW so now the thing to do is take care of YOU. Get tested for STD's. If RAH or AH is living with you, show him the door until you can figure out if this is something you want to live with or can live with, or not!.
I have too much respect for ME to live with a cheater and/or a drug user.
Take a breath Teke and take a step back. Go back to Step one.. ya know.. the powerless step.. and start moving forward again.
I believe in you Teke and I send out my prayers and best wishes and love for you. Now go ahead and believe in yourself.. and be your own best friend!
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Oh Teke I am angry and sad for you at the same time. My emotions are running wild and want to say how dare he even do such a thing to you.
Like Cindi said there isn't a thing wrong with you, you are not imaging things, seeing or hearing anything. Something is incredibly wrong with your husband sober or not sober. I am so sorry you had to go through this you definately don't deserve it... but maybe you could take it as a lesson learned. YOU NOW KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT IMAGINING ANYTHING!!
Teke, we are here for you and you never need to be embarrassed or ashamed to come for us for anything. I am here for when ever you need me.
Hugs,
Jewel
Like Cindi said there isn't a thing wrong with you, you are not imaging things, seeing or hearing anything. Something is incredibly wrong with your husband sober or not sober. I am so sorry you had to go through this you definately don't deserve it... but maybe you could take it as a lesson learned. YOU NOW KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT IMAGINING ANYTHING!!
Teke, we are here for you and you never need to be embarrassed or ashamed to come for us for anything. I am here for when ever you need me.
Hugs,
Jewel
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
(((teke)))
We've been worried about you!!! Girl, you did nothing wrong so forgive yourself for that! Prayers going up that HP gives you the courage to do whatever it is you decide to do!!
NSW
We've been worried about you!!! Girl, you did nothing wrong so forgive yourself for that! Prayers going up that HP gives you the courage to do whatever it is you decide to do!!
NSW
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 234
((((Teke))))
I am so sorry. All the others have said everything so well. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you sweetie. You deserve so much better then what this man has put you through. Don't ever be ashamed to come to us, you are so loved here Teke. I think sometimes we just have to give them another chance, just to know for sure. If that's what you needed to do for you, then there's nothing wrong with that.
Be gentle with yourself right now, and please know that I'm praying for you.
I love you ((((((Teke)))))).
CBS
I am so sorry. All the others have said everything so well. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you sweetie. You deserve so much better then what this man has put you through. Don't ever be ashamed to come to us, you are so loved here Teke. I think sometimes we just have to give them another chance, just to know for sure. If that's what you needed to do for you, then there's nothing wrong with that.
Be gentle with yourself right now, and please know that I'm praying for you.
I love you ((((((Teke)))))).
CBS
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
(((((teke)))))
You sweet, sweet woman.
Please don't beat yourself up over any of this. Please don't feel embarassed or ashamed to come here and share what you're going through. There isn't one person here who hasn't jumped back on the rollercoaster because we wanted to believe that our loved one could change. Every single one of us have done it. I've done it so many times and its always because I want to believe that my exah is a genuinely good person. And he is...but he is also very sick. I don't know much about your AH (as to whether he's a good person or not...this most recent episode makes me wonder) but it just doesn't matter. Whether he is a genuinely good person or not, he is SICK Teke...and his actions are not...I repeat NOT...a reflection on you.
Hold your head up Teke.
You're better than all of this. You're stronger than all of this. As they say, this too shall pass.
Sending lots of love and support your way...
You sweet, sweet woman.
Please don't beat yourself up over any of this. Please don't feel embarassed or ashamed to come here and share what you're going through. There isn't one person here who hasn't jumped back on the rollercoaster because we wanted to believe that our loved one could change. Every single one of us have done it. I've done it so many times and its always because I want to believe that my exah is a genuinely good person. And he is...but he is also very sick. I don't know much about your AH (as to whether he's a good person or not...this most recent episode makes me wonder) but it just doesn't matter. Whether he is a genuinely good person or not, he is SICK Teke...and his actions are not...I repeat NOT...a reflection on you.
Hold your head up Teke.
You're better than all of this. You're stronger than all of this. As they say, this too shall pass.
Sending lots of love and support your way...
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Teke))) You don't have to prove it to anyone... you know, that is all that matters.
You might want to consider the advice you would give to any of us...
You might ask each of us what we want in life... what are our dreams... what do we enjoy... what makes us smile... what makes us cry... what fills us up?
You are enough, just as you are. And we can love you through this.
You deserve a life of joy and to share that life with those who want nothing but good for you. Selfless and unconditional love.
You deserve that.
Teke deserves that.
We love you.
I love you.
((((Teke))))
You might want to consider the advice you would give to any of us...
You might ask each of us what we want in life... what are our dreams... what do we enjoy... what makes us smile... what makes us cry... what fills us up?
You are enough, just as you are. And we can love you through this.
You deserve a life of joy and to share that life with those who want nothing but good for you. Selfless and unconditional love.
You deserve that.
Teke deserves that.
We love you.
I love you.
((((Teke))))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 285
Ditto to what everyone before me said. Now you know the truth, and even though it hurts, maybe now you can close this chapter of your life. He's the sick one. You are a sweet and wonderful person. Prayers and hugs to you and your children.
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
thank you, i just can't stop these tears from falling even though i feel so numb. all i have to do right now is start to read you guys resonse or start typing. so please forgive me for not being my usual self. maybe if i had one of you here to pinch me or something.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: punta gorda florida
Posts: 381
Dont you dare be ashamed of yourself. You loved this guy, you have a long history, and he sucked you back into his freaked out chaos. We love you, missed you when you werent here and will be here for you no matter what. Don't let this idiot back into the house...he is evil...Marian
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
Teke....sometimes we need the confirmation before we allow ourselves to fully believe in what we think to be true. There is nothing wrong in you wanting to hold on for that miracle to come. I still do too in my own way. But now you are completely informed in what your husband was and what he was doing and what he still is doing. He can no longer manipulate your sanity because you know the truth. In truth there is power. Use your power to rise above this and do what is best for you. No longer allow him to have that kind of hold on you.
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