please pray for me,
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
thanks you guys, i love you all so much. i did get a little rest last night, though a little painful, my stomach was burning all night, must be my nerves. i was just thinking about how i can't imagine how my sick ah could possible sleep at night and wake up, get ready for work as usual, lean over and give me this sick "i love you hug" befpre he leaves.
maybe its because he's been doing this so long that he don't realize how sick this junk really is. i know that until i first came here, i didnt' realize how sick this story sounds. i don't think that i was in denial, i kind of think that because he had convinced me that i was seeing things, crazy or that i had ask for a life like this, that was the nature of how sick i had become. when i did realize that i was not the crazy one, i did talk to him and let him know that i now know i would not allow him to continue to allow him to desrespect me, the kids and our home. i guess its like someone said, it must be some kind of sick thrill for them to do this junk while we are in the house.
this man has done this in every place that i've moved to with my kids. its always been a home that god helped ME to provide for me and the kids. i wish you guys could come here to take a look at some of the things that i see around here. things that over the yrs, i've tried to show my family and his.
it makes more sense now that where ever me and the kids move to, he comes for a while, with his power tools, to fix all kinds of stuff. i mean for the first month or so, he work diligently building and drilling stuff and i never really paid too much attention to what he was making or fixing, but it explains why, i always end up scared to live where i move to because i began to find all kinds of little ways for someone to enter my house without my knowledge. i mean like little sections of the walls in the back, bottom or top or a closet that could be quickly moved or spaces in the attic that will drop down into one of the bed rooms or maybe under the sinks or something. when i try to get my family to look at what i think i see, they imediately think that i'm just hallucinating and that its not possible for someone to come into my house that way.
i notice how my king sized mattress sometimes would be pulled away from the head board with all the pillows stacked up to disguise the big space between the box spring and the top mattress, i always wondered why he would do that but i think i got my answer while looking at this tape. i cryied when i realized this tape had been erased. i made the mistake of telling him that he had erased the wrong tape and he came here looking for it, using my insanity or my infidelity, which is not the truth, to prove that i was crazy since i had no tape to prove what he was doing. i told him that i had a copy, but the next thing that he said was for me to prove that i had a tape and told all the kids that i was using drugs again and thats was the reason that i keep accusing him of doing all kinds of stuff like this. they believe him and now they think that i'm using drugs and that he is here to help me. god this is so crazy.
maybe its because he's been doing this so long that he don't realize how sick this junk really is. i know that until i first came here, i didnt' realize how sick this story sounds. i don't think that i was in denial, i kind of think that because he had convinced me that i was seeing things, crazy or that i had ask for a life like this, that was the nature of how sick i had become. when i did realize that i was not the crazy one, i did talk to him and let him know that i now know i would not allow him to continue to allow him to desrespect me, the kids and our home. i guess its like someone said, it must be some kind of sick thrill for them to do this junk while we are in the house.
this man has done this in every place that i've moved to with my kids. its always been a home that god helped ME to provide for me and the kids. i wish you guys could come here to take a look at some of the things that i see around here. things that over the yrs, i've tried to show my family and his.
it makes more sense now that where ever me and the kids move to, he comes for a while, with his power tools, to fix all kinds of stuff. i mean for the first month or so, he work diligently building and drilling stuff and i never really paid too much attention to what he was making or fixing, but it explains why, i always end up scared to live where i move to because i began to find all kinds of little ways for someone to enter my house without my knowledge. i mean like little sections of the walls in the back, bottom or top or a closet that could be quickly moved or spaces in the attic that will drop down into one of the bed rooms or maybe under the sinks or something. when i try to get my family to look at what i think i see, they imediately think that i'm just hallucinating and that its not possible for someone to come into my house that way.
i notice how my king sized mattress sometimes would be pulled away from the head board with all the pillows stacked up to disguise the big space between the box spring and the top mattress, i always wondered why he would do that but i think i got my answer while looking at this tape. i cryied when i realized this tape had been erased. i made the mistake of telling him that he had erased the wrong tape and he came here looking for it, using my insanity or my infidelity, which is not the truth, to prove that i was crazy since i had no tape to prove what he was doing. i told him that i had a copy, but the next thing that he said was for me to prove that i had a tape and told all the kids that i was using drugs again and thats was the reason that i keep accusing him of doing all kinds of stuff like this. they believe him and now they think that i'm using drugs and that he is here to help me. god this is so crazy.
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
ps
i wonder how many nights have i been asleep right beside him and who ever it is that he is bringing in. this is the most sicking thing that i've EVER heard of, isn't it? after i think about it, at first i would be so afraid for me and the kids safety, that i would sometimes stay up the better part of the night or let precious in the house so that i could get some sleep, then eventually i would realize that though i heard noises in the attic or something, that even if there is someone coming in, they are not taking anything. then i do think that it must be him somehow getting in. this is mostly when hes gone, but while he's here, he'll at time, make unnessessary noises, like running the vacumn in one spot of the living room, then all of a sudden remember to go run some dish water, wash a dish, and imediately need a shower or something or has to drill a screw into something and i mean all of this noise going on at the exact same time. i'll ask why are you doing all of this, and i'll get some kind of dumb answer. flicking lights on and off then on and off. its just so much crazy stuff, no wonder the kids and i thought i was losing my mind. i mean i can't imagine that you guys believe any of this craziness
i wonder how many nights have i been asleep right beside him and who ever it is that he is bringing in. this is the most sicking thing that i've EVER heard of, isn't it? after i think about it, at first i would be so afraid for me and the kids safety, that i would sometimes stay up the better part of the night or let precious in the house so that i could get some sleep, then eventually i would realize that though i heard noises in the attic or something, that even if there is someone coming in, they are not taking anything. then i do think that it must be him somehow getting in. this is mostly when hes gone, but while he's here, he'll at time, make unnessessary noises, like running the vacumn in one spot of the living room, then all of a sudden remember to go run some dish water, wash a dish, and imediately need a shower or something or has to drill a screw into something and i mean all of this noise going on at the exact same time. i'll ask why are you doing all of this, and i'll get some kind of dumb answer. flicking lights on and off then on and off. its just so much crazy stuff, no wonder the kids and i thought i was losing my mind. i mean i can't imagine that you guys believe any of this craziness
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
ps,
he'll tell his mom or my kids that i'm seeing things again and she'll call me trying to get me to see how crazy all of this stuff sounds and to tell me that she know that her son wouldn't possibly bring someone in our home while the kids are here in the next room. if i had that tape, i don't know what i would do with it, i might would show it to all the adults in the family, the ones who could stand to look at it.
the thing about that is, i believe he was trying to be safe by telling that person that they had to put on my clothes, so that he could say that it was me. one the tape though, i saw a naked butt, didn't see a face, he made sure that the tape did not reveal a face. i did see someone walk across the camera with what looked like my teddy, i had on one of the same color, but i was clearly gone out of the room.
he'll tell his mom or my kids that i'm seeing things again and she'll call me trying to get me to see how crazy all of this stuff sounds and to tell me that she know that her son wouldn't possibly bring someone in our home while the kids are here in the next room. if i had that tape, i don't know what i would do with it, i might would show it to all the adults in the family, the ones who could stand to look at it.
the thing about that is, i believe he was trying to be safe by telling that person that they had to put on my clothes, so that he could say that it was me. one the tape though, i saw a naked butt, didn't see a face, he made sure that the tape did not reveal a face. i did see someone walk across the camera with what looked like my teddy, i had on one of the same color, but i was clearly gone out of the room.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Teke, you're not crazy, you are just living in an insane situation as most of us have in some way.
Yesterday is over, you can't change one moment of it, but you have today and all your tomorrows to live a better way if you choose.
It may not be easy, life often is not, but staying isn't easy either. Please start today and find a better life for you and your children.
And just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today.
Hugs
Yesterday is over, you can't change one moment of it, but you have today and all your tomorrows to live a better way if you choose.
It may not be easy, life often is not, but staying isn't easy either. Please start today and find a better life for you and your children.
And just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Bucks County PA
Posts: 1,343
oh teke ((((Hugs))). let me first say that of course we all believe you, we have seen our addicts also do some really crazy **** too. i'm not sure that there would be anything to gain by trying to prove to everyone in your life that you're not crazy and he is. people will only believe what they want to anyway and sometimes even when the truth is right in front of them. can you maybe instead focus your energies on getting away from him for a while? is there anyway to get him to leave without causing a big scene? i'm sure you've already thought of that but maybe rethink it again, think outside the box - **** i would come up with all kinds of lies to tell him just to get rid of him, whatever you have to do to protect yourself. HE is the crazy one here honey, not you. i'm praying for you teke.
(ps - i think i can be in atlanta in about 12hrs too - and my mommy minivan already has a few dents so when i run him over for you no one will ever be the wiser!!!)
(ps - i think i can be in atlanta in about 12hrs too - and my mommy minivan already has a few dents so when i run him over for you no one will ever be the wiser!!!)
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Teke -
I'm so grateful that you are posting this and letting us all in. I truly believe that we are only as sick as our secrets. We are all behind you 100%.
The situation sounds completely and totally toxic. I know that I couldn't do it without professional help. I've been in crazy making situations before (someone trying to convince me that I am crazy and making things up) and it made me doubt everything....especially my sanity. I'm glad that you can receive some kind of help through your church. No one should have to go through this kind of situation alone.
I have finally learned that the truth will win out in time. Kids grow up and eventually will see the truth and the light. It's so painful in the meantime until that happens.
I've seen addicts do crazy things....things that in a million years I wouldn't even think to make up. They are so good and so crafty that my energy trying to prove what they are doing is wasted. I would have been better served taking care of myself. What other people think is their business. I love the idea of thinking outside of the box to find a solution here.
Keep taking one step after another.....remember this too shall pass and you will come out the other side with a full life that is safe and serene. He is a cancer that obviously is requiring surgical removal. Life with him is incompatible with sanity and safety. Remember - you didn't cause it and you can't cure it.
Glad that you are sharing. I'll be glad to chase him down and run over him too. He sounds like someone that needs to be filmed for Forensic Files or Dominque Dunne.
Love you Teke - Donna
I'm so grateful that you are posting this and letting us all in. I truly believe that we are only as sick as our secrets. We are all behind you 100%.
The situation sounds completely and totally toxic. I know that I couldn't do it without professional help. I've been in crazy making situations before (someone trying to convince me that I am crazy and making things up) and it made me doubt everything....especially my sanity. I'm glad that you can receive some kind of help through your church. No one should have to go through this kind of situation alone.
I have finally learned that the truth will win out in time. Kids grow up and eventually will see the truth and the light. It's so painful in the meantime until that happens.
I've seen addicts do crazy things....things that in a million years I wouldn't even think to make up. They are so good and so crafty that my energy trying to prove what they are doing is wasted. I would have been better served taking care of myself. What other people think is their business. I love the idea of thinking outside of the box to find a solution here.
Keep taking one step after another.....remember this too shall pass and you will come out the other side with a full life that is safe and serene. He is a cancer that obviously is requiring surgical removal. Life with him is incompatible with sanity and safety. Remember - you didn't cause it and you can't cure it.
Glad that you are sharing. I'll be glad to chase him down and run over him too. He sounds like someone that needs to be filmed for Forensic Files or Dominque Dunne.
Love you Teke - Donna
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Teke,
This proves the lengths that the addicted will go through in order to stay in their addiction by putting the attention and blame on someone else.
You've seen the light now, Teke. Don't look back. You know what you know. Try to remember that. If it were me (and this is just for me) I'd cease contact because this man definitely is messing with your mind. If he's not allowed into your life, then you are more free to start seeing things more clearly.
And Teke, I don't know if you go to meetings, but meetings are where I can tell people, "I think I'm nuts. Does this make sense to y'all?" And everyone at the table shakes their head cause they know the insanity of living in addiction. So if you can find meetings, make them Teke. There is HUGE support in face to face recovery.
Love you and hang in there. Ask you HP to step in and keep leading you to the light. He will.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
This proves the lengths that the addicted will go through in order to stay in their addiction by putting the attention and blame on someone else.
You've seen the light now, Teke. Don't look back. You know what you know. Try to remember that. If it were me (and this is just for me) I'd cease contact because this man definitely is messing with your mind. If he's not allowed into your life, then you are more free to start seeing things more clearly.
And Teke, I don't know if you go to meetings, but meetings are where I can tell people, "I think I'm nuts. Does this make sense to y'all?" And everyone at the table shakes their head cause they know the insanity of living in addiction. So if you can find meetings, make them Teke. There is HUGE support in face to face recovery.
Love you and hang in there. Ask you HP to step in and keep leading you to the light. He will.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
thanks you guys, i'm tring to give him about 3 wks to start with, i need him to pay some of these bills for this month, and then i need for him to be able to be served those papers, once its time. don't think i'll be able to allow him to be here all the time that i think that it would take but i'm trying so hard not to talk to him about none of this right now. for now, i imagine he thinks that i'm calming down and that soon i will be done with this last bout and all will be well, like in the past. this time, i really hope that he thinks this way. not buying into anything that he has to say to me about much of nothing. let him think whatever he wants to think. right now, i am trying to think about what would be best for me to do for me. i'm still thinking that i want to get away from him and this house for a minute, so i think that i'll kind of wait until the wkend maybe and go to a motel for a couple days, maybe i can do this for a little while, while i was to figure out what my next move would be.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Teke,
I don't have time to post much since Im at work, but I can really understand what you're saying. My ex was a master manipulator, and GOD do I remember the times when I really wondered if I was crazy. He was so smooth, so charismatic, and he would tell me these stories - totally outrageous explanations that somehow ended up making sense to me at the time.... he even started reinforcing to me that I "got confused sometimes so I needed to believe what he said because IT was the truth" etc etc.
I had to take it a day at a time too... I had to make him believe that I was still buying into all the BS until I was ready to take action. I went to more meetings, reinforced myself with strong recovery friends, and ultimately was able to change my life for the better.
Trust me, you're not crazy. And you can do this. One day at a time. And we're here with you all the way, and we'll hold your hand thru the scary, dark parts.
HUGS
Cats
I don't have time to post much since Im at work, but I can really understand what you're saying. My ex was a master manipulator, and GOD do I remember the times when I really wondered if I was crazy. He was so smooth, so charismatic, and he would tell me these stories - totally outrageous explanations that somehow ended up making sense to me at the time.... he even started reinforcing to me that I "got confused sometimes so I needed to believe what he said because IT was the truth" etc etc.
I had to take it a day at a time too... I had to make him believe that I was still buying into all the BS until I was ready to take action. I went to more meetings, reinforced myself with strong recovery friends, and ultimately was able to change my life for the better.
Trust me, you're not crazy. And you can do this. One day at a time. And we're here with you all the way, and we'll hold your hand thru the scary, dark parts.
HUGS
Cats
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
thanks cats, its day 2 or 3, and i am still in shock somewhat, this stuff is soooooooo painful yall. my stomach won't stop burning and the tears flow sometimes without warning. i'm just so tired, i thought i was doing ok, never could have imagined how serious this now seems to be. i'm making plans though, as they come to me. sooner or later i should have something concrete ready to go. i can't eat and i just feel sick to my stomach, i'm trying not to think about this right now, but seems like i have to think about it, reality needs to just soak in, i guess.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Teke.. get yourself tested for STD's. Please. This is taking care of YOU.
You are not crazy. I understand how it sickens you.
The feeling of violation you have when your husband or partner cheats is something I had never felt before until I found out about XABF and his cheating. That violated feeling increased when I learned he had brought her to MY HOUSE that I PAID FOR. Thank God he had his own room and bed and was allergic to my cats or he would ahve had sex with her in MY BED which would have made me really ill. I am sure they did drugs while here too. It is a sick feeling and beyond that it made me soooo angry!
Just know that I know how you feel.
You are not crazy. I understand how it sickens you.
The feeling of violation you have when your husband or partner cheats is something I had never felt before until I found out about XABF and his cheating. That violated feeling increased when I learned he had brought her to MY HOUSE that I PAID FOR. Thank God he had his own room and bed and was allergic to my cats or he would ahve had sex with her in MY BED which would have made me really ill. I am sure they did drugs while here too. It is a sick feeling and beyond that it made me soooo angry!
Just know that I know how you feel.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
During the darkest times, I recited the Serenity Prayer 50 times a day. I made it my goal to be happy, healthy and whole. I recited THAT to myself over and over and OVER again every day. I wrote it on a sticky note and had it on my bathroom mirror and on the rearview mirror of my car.
I was so broken, I hit MY bottom. That's when I was able to start working a program of recovery for ME. It wasn't about him anymore ... it was about me.
BIG HUGS
Cats
I was so broken, I hit MY bottom. That's when I was able to start working a program of recovery for ME. It wasn't about him anymore ... it was about me.
BIG HUGS
Cats
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Teke)))
In your defense, I would probably take some pictures of that fancy handiwork he's been doing. If there's a hollow space cut from under the bed, film it. Film it all. I think it might make you feel as if you have more credibilty among the family members he has bamboozled.
As for going away for a while, IMO, that would play into his plan of making you come out goofy. He could always say you went off the deep end, and he has no idea where you are....
How old are the children?
This will all pass Teke, honest it will.
Hugs and prayers coming your way...
In your defense, I would probably take some pictures of that fancy handiwork he's been doing. If there's a hollow space cut from under the bed, film it. Film it all. I think it might make you feel as if you have more credibilty among the family members he has bamboozled.
As for going away for a while, IMO, that would play into his plan of making you come out goofy. He could always say you went off the deep end, and he has no idea where you are....
How old are the children?
This will all pass Teke, honest it will.
Hugs and prayers coming your way...
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
the kids at home are 14 and 16. the handiwork is so disquised you wouldn't believe. he made a point the other day that just because i thought i saw someone my size that i should know better. you see, i'm a very small person, i can wear children's clothes. i could fit under this big recliner that he constantly turns over from time to time to clean out from under it, or i could fit under the sink or it wouldn't take but a little adjustments for me to hide between my mattress and the headboard or my bed. there are so many places around here that i could hide out. i could slip through one of those larger vent covers with no problem, so most of these spaces can appear normal. there is from time to time, screwdrivers and butter knives is strange places, i would have to start over and do a search of the house, with tooth and nail, hammer and screwdriver in hand, looking all weird trying to figure out where all of these little opening are. i do believe that somewhere in my garage area, there has to be a little sliding wall in it that i think may either lead to my washroom that has a hole in it over the washer that leads into the attic and a hole that will drop to my sons room but someone probably would need a handy screwdriver to pull that off. this just is so crazy, and he walks around acting all normal.
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
also, no matter where i put my little step ladders, one those days, they'll end up in weird places, and with my kids always being around, it makes it kind of hard for me to be doing all of this looking without looking crazy to me and to them.
either way, i do believe now that whether he is here or not, he can always get in and do the same things that he's been doing. only thing is that when he's not living with us, i'm always feeling like i'm being watched. i have master bath and for some reason now he uses the hall bathroom more at certain times. i know this all sounds so crazy, don't it.
either way, i do believe now that whether he is here or not, he can always get in and do the same things that he's been doing. only thing is that when he's not living with us, i'm always feeling like i'm being watched. i have master bath and for some reason now he uses the hall bathroom more at certain times. i know this all sounds so crazy, don't it.
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
looking back, i was afraid to live in my own house while he was away because i felt watched and that someone else was in the house somewhere, that i felt better when he was around.
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