please pray for me,

Old 06-05-2007, 04:59 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Teke, when I go away...I take on another persona and just pretend I am a tourist.
These things/issues will still be there when you get back and you might have a fresher energy to deal with them.

It works for me, that's all I know.

Or maybe you just need to be alone. That helps too.

Please do what is best for YOU.

To me, it is like you have been raped...phsically and mentally.

more hugs,
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Old 06-05-2007, 05:01 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
remember to breathe
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I'm so sorry you had to go through that but boy oh boy you sure have support going on in here!!!!
my thoughts and prayers are with you
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Old 06-05-2007, 05:02 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
grateful rca
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thanks you guys, i feel like i HAVE to wait at least about 3 wks for him to catch up on all the bills for this month. somehow, my account has been tampered with and there has to be an investigation, but for now, i just don't have a way to do much. so i'm tring not to say anything to him about much since the first day all of this happened. don't know if i can keep my mouth shut that long but i sure wished that i could get out of this house this time. all the yrs before, he has left me holding the bags, taking care of all of these kids, who i love dearly and would do it again, but this time i wished i could be the one to just leave. don't sound too motherly i know, but they already think that i've just lost my mnind and daddy is doing all he can to help me.
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Old 06-05-2007, 05:13 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
I'm no angel!
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I've read your post 10 times, and I must admit I am speechless, for more reasons than one.

21 years of abuse can cloud anyones thinking. However, it is time to stand up and say "ENOUGH" that's it, no more.

He is a nut case, drugs or no drugs.

I am praying that you finally have seen the light, and will no longer subject yourself or your children to this insanity.
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Old 06-05-2007, 05:19 PM
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Can you at least see a DV counselor? This is ABUSE.

I really care, Teke.
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Old 06-05-2007, 05:24 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
grateful rca
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well i do plan on going to my church for counseling, i can start by just doing a walk in. for now, if i need imediate counseling this is my only avenue and i just may go tommorrow. i know this is abuse and its been going on the whole time, i just didn't realize that this was happening
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Old 06-05-2007, 05:36 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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where do you live?I'll come pinch you...
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Old 06-05-2007, 05:43 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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i just wished one of you could come and get me for a little while, any one near atlanta
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Old 06-05-2007, 05:49 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
Just plainly tired
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teke I wish I could be near to atlanta I would definately come and get you evenm if it was just to get you away from everyone for a little while. I do like the idea of you leaving for a weekend even for a night would be good for you.

I am lighting your candle tonight.

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Old 06-05-2007, 05:55 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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someone here once wrote 'I AM WORTHY', remember that. Your HP loves you unconditionally and so do we. You are in our prayers. Listen to the wisdom of these people. Keep a safe mental, emotional and physical distance. The can never honestly respond to 'why?' anyway. Tough as it may sound, at the end of the day - they don't really give sh&^ about anyone but themselves. At least in my house that is how it worked (worked is the key word). Slowly and consistently (most days) distancing myself has created a safe moat around my castle - ME; 'WE ARE WORTHY'. Hold your head high - you learned a valurable lesson and had the courage to teach others. A+! you are in my thoughts and prayers! /M
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Old 06-05-2007, 06:09 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
Hug giver-outer!
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Consider yourself pinched and pinched again! You never doubt yourself again! HE is the one who is a bit off. It just proves that active addicts or even those who have brain cells damaged from drug use, cannot be believed. and you cannot apply logic to what they say or do. Don't even try.

You ask why he is calling to see if you are ok? He's calling to continue playing his horrible mental game. Don't play it - no more. You are so much better than that and you deserve so much better than that. Don't kick yourself for your past mistakes - just move forward with action that puts YOU first and foremost. You are not an idiot and you are not insane. You have just been the victim of an addict's terrible mind game.

Love you,
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Old 06-05-2007, 06:25 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Teke, you're in my thoughts and prayers. You did what you had to do for your peace of mind... giving him another chance just in case he had finally changed. You now know that he is still sick. Use this info to help you move forward. He is the crazy one at this point, not you. You will be fine. Baby steps. It will get better... make your plans for how. You deserve peace and happiness.
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Old 06-05-2007, 07:09 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
Power is not having to respond
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Teke, this man sounds dangerous. Thank God you found out that you are not crazy. What are you going to do now that you have your evidence?
The truth certianly has set you free. Use that for your strength to get away from a psychopath and don't feel guilty for it. You deserve a peaceful, loving life. Not someone who is wiling to sacrifice you to the gods for his own pleasure. You're worth so much more than that.
Hugs to you dear.
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Old 06-05-2007, 07:12 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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So sorry for what has happened. I agree with the others be done with him you don't need to put up with that crap. As to why he's calling I think ..marteen right he wants to keep a mental hold on you. Do what you know you need to do an don't let him push your buttons. Sending prayers an hugs
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Old 06-05-2007, 07:19 PM
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Teke, I just asked my husband how long it would take us to get to Atlanta. He said 12 hours and asked me if that is what I am going to do?!

I can identify with you far more than you know, not exactly the same, but my ex love was a promiscous *****-monger. I never knew who had been in our bed etc etc. One day after we had spent a week working very hard for a clean party with hayrides etc, when I showed up there was a woman tied up upstairs. He wasn't the one who did it, but he let her stay all day laying out in the sun nude and when I said she had to leave, he told me to leave because "there weren't going to be any hassles at the party." She spent the night after I left and told me she would do him anytime she could.
It hurt worse than the alcoholism and verbal/physical abuse.

For real girlfriend, I can't make the drive, but buses, greyhounds are not so bad....I really believe there are many of us who would welcome you for a vacation.

AFTER you have seen your counselor and when you are ready.

Maybe I am over-identifying but I just don't see how you can stay in that house without it costing you dearly.

I admit, I am emotional about this.

many hugs,
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Old 06-05-2007, 07:40 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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Just adding that you are in my prayers Teke.

I sure can feel the mess of this coming out in your posts.
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Old 06-05-2007, 08:13 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. But I think everyone is right in the fact that now you know you are not crazy. When my ex-ABF came clean with me and I asked him about specific events (where I had previously confronted him and he denied) and he confirmed that my first perception about his drug use was right. I was so relieved! One of the few things I got out of that relationship was that I now know I can always trust my instincts. I now hope you will forever trust yours.

As far as your children...when I was growing up my mother was the angry, resentful codie to my father with the alcohol / gambling addiction. She never told me what he did. She never shared her pain with me. I grew up resenting her because my father was the "Good Time Guy". It took this relationship with an addict to understand what my mother had went through. When it all finally dawned on me what had happened to her, I went to her and told her how sorry I was that she had went through 20 some years of pain and how much I loved her.

It's really up to you Teke, but I wouldn't protect him anymore and I wouldn't run away. I know the times I have wanted to run away, what I really was trying to do was punish him. I wanted him to know what it felt like for me to disappear on him like he disappeared on me. I am not saying that is what you are doing I am just saying what is true for me.

Again, I am so sorry Teke. I wish the tape had not been erased. I would have shown it to the Adult members of my family. Heck, I probably would have put it on U-Tube!

Sorry my recovery is showing right now.

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Old 06-05-2007, 08:18 PM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Lithloren View Post
Sorry my recovery is showing right now.
OOPS! I meant Sorry my recovery is NOT showing right now!

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Old 06-05-2007, 08:25 PM
  # 59 (permalink)  
Southern through and through
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First things need to concentrate on taking healthy care of yourself. No one can tell you what exactly that is for you, but you know. Do you think you'd be able to manage, today, if you removed yourself from the house? Or would leaving the kids put more stress on you? Just think it through, Teke, about what would make YOU feel better at this point.

As you are experiencing, sometimes the truth is very painful. But Teke I've learned that no matter how painful, the lies have to be exposed in order for us to heal....lies all the way around. I just know I've had to face lies from the addict and then the lies (of denial) I had been telling myself. It was hard, Teke, but oh so worth it.

Trust God. He will get you through this. Step into the light (of truth), Teke. It will be bright. It will be painful. Give yourself time to adjust to this truth. And then take action to take HEALTHY CARE OF YOURSELF.

And re your kids....they are more perceptive, I bet, than you know. They will see their dad for what he is.

Just put your faith in your HP Teke. He's brought you to this point and I KNOW that he will NOT leave you now. Hang on, Teke. Just walk through the pain to the peace one day at a time.

Big hugs and prayers for you and your children,
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Old 06-05-2007, 09:33 PM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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Teke, just keep moving and doing the next right thing for yourself. You can get through this and past this, just keep moving and looking ahead into the light.

My prayers go out for you, Teke, you are worth so much better than any of this.

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