Need some encouragement

Old 06-04-2007, 12:25 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Need some encouragement

I know I haven't been responsive to many posts lately.
I've been floundering around- taking steps forward, falling back. Being afraid one minute- courageous the next.

It is evident that my abf is STILL using, STILL lying and nothing is changing.
I feel so weak.
I guess I just need some friendly reminders that I deserve to be happy and that it is possible to heal and to love/like myself.
I feel trapped. I don't want to hold onto a broken relationship but at the same time it is painful to let go and move forward. Taking liberties for myself feels uncomfortable.

I feel like a broken record since I posted something similar probably last week?

(Sigh) Thanks in advance.
HKAngel24 is offline  
Old 06-04-2007, 12:48 PM
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
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HKANGEL Just keep trying!! You know there's a problem and you are getting help here from others and you know what it is you need to do....those are all signs of progress.

I know how hard it is to get out of a relationship and move on. I have an idea-when you think about ending it...what are the thoughts and feelings that you experience?
Once you can identify these, it might lead you to find out what is holding you back.

I hope that helps.

Don't worry-you will do's just taking you longer than you hoped.
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Old 06-04-2007, 12:52 PM
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
I am going thru the same thing. I do know, though, that I deserve to be
happy. I just don't know how to get there. And I want to be there with my

A friend told me this and I have posted it before:

It is a privilege and honor to be my b/f. I tell myself this every day.
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Old 06-04-2007, 01:17 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: on the lake
Posts: 335
I Can't Speak For You, Only Me. Theres An Ols Saying That Goes Something Like This "if You Keep Doing What Youve Always Done, Youll Keep Getting What You Always Got" My Addict Is My 20 Year Old Son. We Have'nt Let Him Come Home Since Easter. He Spent Ten Days In Jail Between Then And Now. Im Watching Him Destroy His Life, His Friendships, His Relationship With His Brothers, He Lies, He Cheats, He Steals, He Uses. Until He Stops Using Nothing Will Change. Just One Cycle After Another. We Are Trying To Detach With Love. It Is So Hard For His Mother An I. Its Probably As Hard To Detach From Someone Who Isn't A Child. Maybe You Can.
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Old 06-04-2007, 01:34 PM
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get it, give it, grow in it
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
try to stop taking the Abf 's inventory and start taking your own.take a look at your own character defects bec. only then will you be prepared to accept your own challenge, which very well may be to get up and move on. become the right person to attract the right person.If his behav is unacceptable to you sounds like you can seek info on detachment with love. Get some Alanon literature at mtgs.Best wishes
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Old 06-05-2007, 04:28 AM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Thanks all.
It's a constant struggle to break out of the codie mindset- that his addiction is my problem and I am controlled by it.
I STILL feel like it's my problem to be worrying about and it's frustrating to have to constantly remind myself otherwise- that I am the ONLY one I can change and I am responsible for my choics and actions. It feels guilty do this but at the same time he did not feel guilty lying and betraying and deceiving me for so long??

There is so much anger bubbling and hurt. I want acceptance to bring peace.
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Old 06-05-2007, 04:35 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hi ((((((((((((((((HKAngel24)))))))))))))))

Hope you feel stronger soon..

I know what helped my S/O, was to keep a journal..

It helped me to, to keep sober later....hope3
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Old 06-05-2007, 05:10 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
My name is Diane & my 1st husband was a compulsive gambler.................different addiction same result. He lied, cheated & decieved me every chance he got & I used to feel sorry for him. After 10 yrs of an on & off marriage I divorced him. That was 30 yrs ago. About a month ago he called me. He is now 62 yrs old & went from gambling to drugs. He told me he has now been clean & sober for 41/2 yrs. Boy am I ever glad I ended it when I did.
You deserve to be happy & as your wonderful quote says you are the only one you will have for your whole life....................take good care of yourself.
Noone will love you more than you love yourself. You deserve more out of a relationship than to be lied to & decieved at every turn. I stayed alone for 10 yrs after I ended it & then met & married my present husband. We will be married 23 yrs this Nov & I love him more with each passing day.
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