Lobo

You know today I was thinking about my AD and wondering how many times she has to hit bottom before she decides to change her life. I always thought when they hit bottom things will change Keep praying for God to lower the bottom. So many times I thought this has to be the bottom........it can't get any worse. How much worse does it have to get. This last time she was living in LA with her abf and he pushed her out of his car and she ended up in brain surgery. After that she had a miscarriage. Then she was on the streets of LA and was tazered by someone. The next day she went to jail for 3 days. Her and abf broke up. She detoxed in jail and came back to Pgh. She called and said she had enough and wanted to come home. I got her a plane ticket and got her home. She was very thin, but she was clean. Things went well for 4 months. She gained weight, looks healthy. She is under Dr. care for her bi polar. I almost thought I had my daughter back. Nope....she is hanging with the wrong people again..........she is staying away from me again. I talk to her on the phone sometimes. She did come home for her b-day which was on memorial day. She appeared to be clean and she stayed home for 2 days without making any runs out of the house. She seemed good. The problem....... I have an uncomfortable feeling.........and when I feel like that I am usually right. Things just aren't right. I just want to know if she went through all that she went through and came very close to being killed by abf don't you think that that would have been her bottom. How many bottoms does it take?

I'm so discouraged...............Lo

caileesnana

I know I hit my bottom long ago. Their bottom is SO far from ours. She is in my prayers.

laurie6781

She hasn't hit her bottom yet, you only think she has.

There is a saying in AA and in NA;

"It takes what it takes."

It took me actually dying, and the ER Doc starting to write my TOD on the medical chart..........................I will keep your AD in my prayers that she doesn't have to take her addiction to the lengths I did.

Love and hugs,

Noah812

Just an opinion there is only one Rock bottom but there could be hundreds or thousands of bottoms. The rock bottom to me depends on the intensity of that bottom and the worse case scenario. There is no script or guidlines to tell you what to do or your A but you can do for you, what keeps your head above water. Its sad, so sad what addicts go through but they will never quit until they quit. On the bottom or the top your A will not stop until they are ready, at thier bottom. Some keep going even after they have reached that point but you don't have to. Take care of yourself the best you can and wait to see what happens.

marle

Addicts have to get tired of their lives and want something better. We think that they must have hit their bottoms when all kinds of negative things are happening to them. But remember we are not the ones using drugs. We are looking at it from the perspective of a sober person. We can't know how strong that pull is and whether or not they will ever reach the point of surrender. I like the saying, "it takes what it takes" because it helps me to not put a time frame on my daughter's wanting recovery. One thing I do know is that there is a lot of pain involved and I don't want to know what that pain is. Whatever my daughter has to do to seek recovery will be between her and God. Hugs and prayers for you and your daughter, Marle

rozied

My 1st husband was a compulsive gambler. After 10yrs of an on & off marriage I divorced him. The marriage left me with 2 young sons to raise by myself. I did not see this man or speak to him for almost 30 yrs when about 3 wks ago my phone rang & it was him. He is now 62 yrs old. He told me he went from gambling to drugs & had been in jail 76 times. He claims that 41/2 yrs ago he woke up wrapped around a telephone pole in Brooklyn & said he had had enough. He says he has been clean & sober since that time. I told him that " our " 40 yr old son was an addict & if he could try & talk to him. He told me he would if I wanted him to but until our AS has had ENOUGH there is nothing he could do or say that would make a difference.
Reaching rock bottom & having enough to me are the same thing. Noone know when an addict has had enough or has reached rock bottom but that person.
I am sorry Lo that you are going through this. I will pray your daughter has had enough.
Love,
Diane

patchoulli

I don't know the answer to that one. I know for myself it took many years of suffering, resentment and pain until I surrendered, and that was without the influence of drugs. Some of us idiots have a strong will[ungrounded fear] that needs to be tortured out of us before we get it. You stay strong. If you need an ear...Marian

marteen

It's all a matter of perspective. Some never hit a bottom because they can't "see" that there is anything wrong. My AD is like that; she is so into making up excuses and blaming everyone else, that all she sees is that any "bottom" she reaches is due to the actions of someone else. When you are a "victim", how do you even start to take responsibility for your own actions?

marle

Miss Done suggested a book to read a couple of weeks ago. I bought it and am reading it. It is good and has a lot of wisdom in it. It is called, "Comeback". Good read. Hugs, Marle

oneeyeopen

bottom ... yup, I think there is a bottom that those of us who are not addicts just can't even imagine. I do think though that bottom for some isn't necessarily a situation where the list of horrible things that has happened to them is so long you would need a ream of paper to print it out. But for others...the drugs numb them and when they are overwhelmed by the havoc of thier lives they want to be numb, it is so much for them to deal with and they get caught in a spiraling downward vicous circle.

Lobo

Marteen, Same with my AD.....everything is always someone else's fault. I keep telling her that these things wouldn't happen to her if she would stop putting herself in bad situations. She says how can you say that when I am so upset.......it seems as though you are blaming me for what has happened. I try to tell her I am not blaming her for what has happened......I'm just trying to explain to her that if she made better choices most likely these situations wouldn't occur. She just doesn't get it.

Lobo

Thanks to all of you for your replies. I guess sometimes it isn't a matter of degree of pain and suffering that happens before they reach bottom. I'ts an individual thing of when they've had enough and want to change. I guess for some even without the drama they for some reason want to change their ways........thanks for pointing that out oneyeopen.

Hugs to all for shedding light on this for me.............Lois

Lobo

Marle, thank you for the book info. If anyone has any other good book ideas please let me know.

Thanks...........Lo

liesagain

I am confused with the concept of a bottom too, and even more confused by the statements that the addict has to be tired of their life the way it is.......

My Ah has been to prison lost family lost children lost everything.........then pulled himself out and up to regain it all
only to lose it all again..........

To me it seems that he only tires of real life normal life and that its the drug the life of an addict that he misses and returns to.............

splendra

Once upon a time I thought one of my loved ought to be at their bottom a very wise individual said to me: "Honey what looks like a bottom to you might just be MT Everest to them"

So your loved one could still be on Mt Everest....

bookmiser

((((((Lobo)))))))

When the pain and suffering becomes so bad that they just can't stand living that way anymore. I guess that would be rock bottom.
I'm so sorry for you, mom. I know how much you want this for her, but you know it has to be her decision. Keep praying and focusing on your recovery.
Meetings help. Also, read the book, "Choosing Life One Day At A Time" by Dodie Osteen. It's a devotional that I read daily. It's uplifting and inspiring. Just a little somethin' we could all use now and then.
Sending prayers up for your daughter. That her moment of clarity and her turning point are near.
Hugs,
Linda

mooselips

Well, That's a tough question.
I know for me, I think both of my sons would have reached their bottom alot faster if I wouldn't have gotten in the middle.

As it was, it took the oldest 3 prison stays, and the youngest a 90 day stay before they both got sober. Just for today, both are sober.

To me, it seems like those were bottoms, but who's to know?

(but I sure hope it was....my fingers are crossed)

Lobo

Mooselips, Maybe you are right.......staying out of the middle just might have them hit a little sooner. That's what I am trying to do.

Hugs............Lo

calabash

When the pain of using becomes more than the pain of living. Some addicts appear to have a very high pain threshhold. I also think the further you go down, the less you have to loose, the more attractive death appears.

I know when I was hitting bottom I loathed myself so much, that i did not really care if I lived or died. I contemplated suicide too many times to remember.

I believe if it was not for my HP givinbg me a moment of lucidity, I would still be using. It was a spiritual experience, where suddenly my body corrected itself ( I was preparing my DOC at the time for a hit) and I suddenly saw exactly what I was doing to myslef. I think I saw myself as other would have seen me. Pathetic, broken, no self love at all. In that moment, I knew I would do whatever it needed to stay high if I did not stop then. All the way, Jails Institutuions Death.

I have heard other addicts describe this moment of realisation in a similar fashion.

Just pray for your addicts, that HP may giver them the same lucid moment

Ladybugg

By AceSpade


I printed this out in August of 2004, off this site. I though it was good then, so I kept it around.

AceSpade....where ever you are....I hope you don't mind!!!