HKAngel24

Don't know why... I know what addicts do... but last night abf came over and was visibly high despite his flagrant denial of it. I was alright last night and even this morning but just now I got this pain of overwhelming sadness and emptiness.

Accepting the reality of addiction hurts like hell.
Wish I was further along in the detachment process.

Just wanted a reminder that it can get better and that I won't always feel like this.

A reminder that calling him and expressing my feelings will amount to nothing. He is not who I want him to be and I must see him for who he IS not what my fantasy is. I still want him to take away the pain.

raerae6

Hi, my ex was and probably still is a hardcore crack addict. It used to break my heart to see him high cause he was so pathetic then. I would talk to him later when he was sober and feeling bad and tell him how it hurts to see him do this to himself when he could be so much happier and have a nice life. I gave up talking to him when he was high, cause it didn't really sink in at all then. I don't know how much anything i said to him mattered really. The thing is what I learned is that the addict has to want to quit for themselves and there is no amount of talking or anything you can say that will make them do it it seems to me. If he bums you out when he is high, set a boundry-tell him that you don't want him to see you or contact you when he is high because it hurts you too much. That's my suggestion.

parentrecovers

it can get better and you can make a decision not to let his actions make you feel like this.

addicts don't know about feelings in active use. the drugs/alcohol numbs theirs. how can you expect him to accept and respect yours when he can't accept and respect his own?

hugs, k - i understand how hard it is.........

nytepassion

Knowledge is power! And you are here where many people have been down the path before you and can help gently guide you through as you journey to recover .. it is a process .. Be gentle with yourself ... and if you fall .. get up, dust yourself off and keep walking ... practice makes perfect .. and as long as you keep going you can't fail ... you will encounter hurdles some more painful then others, some more harder than the last .. but each hurdle you make it over is a step towards your own personal healing .. As long as we seek a change and keep our eyes fixed on the prize .. the reward will come ... Oneday you will look back and find that though you felt like a flower withering in the hot summer sun .. little did you know your desire for a different way of life was watering you and sustaining you ... all the hurdles you conquer were weeds that threatened your existance have been cut off and that you've blossomed into the fullness of a beautiful flower ... You won't always be where you are at today .. Rest assured.

You are going in the right direction by embracing who and what he is today - not what you hope he will be tomorrow ...

Keep on keepin' on

God Bless,
Passion

BigSis

Good words above me.

What I know today is that I "got it" intellectually a WHOLE lot sooner than I did "emotionally". I know it doesn't help to tell my addicts.... [fill in the blank].

Do I still do it? Oh hell yeah.

But at least I do it with an awareness of what I am doing, and full knowledge that I am not going to affect a change. I accept that sometimes, I still do this for ME... for MY sake. And that I believe, in my heart, I will not do it as much a year from now as I do today.

We can't do recovery perfectly... it takes time to do even small parts of it consistently.

Don't be too hard on yourself. ((hugs))

MsPINKAcres

If you feel you must express those feelings to him; you feel you must get them out - you can try writing them in a letter to him. Then I would suggest reading the letter to a trusted recovery friend or burning the letter to signify a "Letting Go & Letting God" of him & your feelings about the situation.

I know in my head that I can't talk to the active addict, but my heart still has those feelings that I have to do something with. This is how I try to handle those hurts.

Wishing you a peaceful weekend,
Rita