Starting To Feel Bad For My AS
rozied
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Elana, & Lost Thanks so much.........heck I am sure trying.
Lost I am sorry but I don't remember how old your loved one is or how long the addiction is going on but I don't think you giv yourself enough credit. If your loved one was 40 & had been addicted for 20 looong yrs I bet you could be as strong.................and you know its not even being strong. We have TRIED everything else. If money and or love could save an addict he would be fine right now. It is no matter how everyone has tried to help him he just goes back to the drugs & the dark lifestyle....................finally the whole family has had enough. I know this sounds really harsh but its not. I lost my step-son it will be 4 yrs Nov 21st. He was killed in a horrific car accident. For the 1st 2 yrs we were frozen as my 5yr old grandson says BUT eventually you start living life again. We can finally talk about him & although we miss him terribly everyday we have had to accept he is gone. It is worse having a son like my AS because the pain & misery never end. They just go on & on yr after yr. I am to the point where if his HP does not heal him I would rather He takes him at least that way we would all have some peace. I cannot believe I even typed that. I get all knotted up inside even saying it but it is just about true. My AS is suffering, we are suffering & it just doesn't stop.
I must be strong for my AS. As Dollydo has posted he is 40 & he must turn his life around now. His luck cannot hold out forever. We tried everything else & nothing wks so cutting him loose is the only thing left to do. I liked so much what everyone told me. Susan said when we let go they usually get up & go & she is right.
Lost I am sorry but I don't remember how old your loved one is or how long the addiction is going on but I don't think you giv yourself enough credit. If your loved one was 40 & had been addicted for 20 looong yrs I bet you could be as strong.................and you know its not even being strong. We have TRIED everything else. If money and or love could save an addict he would be fine right now. It is no matter how everyone has tried to help him he just goes back to the drugs & the dark lifestyle....................finally the whole family has had enough. I know this sounds really harsh but its not. I lost my step-son it will be 4 yrs Nov 21st. He was killed in a horrific car accident. For the 1st 2 yrs we were frozen as my 5yr old grandson says BUT eventually you start living life again. We can finally talk about him & although we miss him terribly everyday we have had to accept he is gone. It is worse having a son like my AS because the pain & misery never end. They just go on & on yr after yr. I am to the point where if his HP does not heal him I would rather He takes him at least that way we would all have some peace. I cannot believe I even typed that. I get all knotted up inside even saying it but it is just about true. My AS is suffering, we are suffering & it just doesn't stop.
I must be strong for my AS. As Dollydo has posted he is 40 & he must turn his life around now. His luck cannot hold out forever. We tried everything else & nothing wks so cutting him loose is the only thing left to do. I liked so much what everyone told me. Susan said when we let go they usually get up & go & she is right.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
((((Rozied))))
I am so proud of you.
What you are doing is difficult to say the least.
Its OK to feel sorry for him...most would, but just as you said, this is what now needs to be done....and you should be proud to have the strength and courage to step in and facilitate change
Maybe this would be a good time to suggest to your SS to find an alternative babysitter, just for a few days, and you and your hubby take a road trip.
Nothing extravagant, just time away from phones and kids and all else.
You guys have been the helpers for quite a while...its your turn
Just a thought
((((hugs))))
Cece
I am so proud of you.
What you are doing is difficult to say the least.
Its OK to feel sorry for him...most would, but just as you said, this is what now needs to be done....and you should be proud to have the strength and courage to step in and facilitate change
Maybe this would be a good time to suggest to your SS to find an alternative babysitter, just for a few days, and you and your hubby take a road trip.
Nothing extravagant, just time away from phones and kids and all else.
You guys have been the helpers for quite a while...its your turn
Just a thought
((((hugs))))
Cece
rozied
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Dear Susan, It is so obvious once you see it I get angry it took me so long. Truth is I saw it yrs ago & if not for my parents enabling I am sure this would have been stopped yrs ago. When a family member is using drugs or gambling to the point of addiction the only thing to do is cut them loose to fully live the consequences of their actions. Not many who had a decent life growing up stay in that life once the support of the family is withdrawn.
It is up to us to stay strong no matter what happens to them as that is the only way they will ever choose sobriety.
You are doing great. I firmly believe that is the only way our kids will ever get well.
Love,
Diane
PS I told my son in a letter that no matter what was done for him he kept throwing himself under the bus so now it is 100% up to him. I still have an occasional moment when I feel bad for him but not often. He may have hurt himself but he has also hurt our family so very much.
It is up to us to stay strong no matter what happens to them as that is the only way they will ever choose sobriety.
You are doing great. I firmly believe that is the only way our kids will ever get well.
Love,
Diane
PS I told my son in a letter that no matter what was done for him he kept throwing himself under the bus so now it is 100% up to him. I still have an occasional moment when I feel bad for him but not often. He may have hurt himself but he has also hurt our family so very much.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Roz,
The tenacles of addiction effect everyone they come into contact with.
Addicts are so self centered, so singular in their thinking. My ex-abf to the end proclaimed "I am only hurting myself", he never got it and never will. Sad.
You are doing real good, your should be proud of yourself, I know that I am proud of you!
The tenacles of addiction effect everyone they come into contact with.
Addicts are so self centered, so singular in their thinking. My ex-abf to the end proclaimed "I am only hurting myself", he never got it and never will. Sad.
You are doing real good, your should be proud of yourself, I know that I am proud of you!
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Yes girl friend, you need a vacation with Hubby! Southwest is having fare sales all the time and there are so many great places to see (if you don't have the time to drive).
You ever been to the Mountains of Tennessee in the fall? Wonderful (if you want to drive) or Acadia National Park in Maine in Late September? No place like it! If you love the Beach, North Carolina in October is wonderful (not during a hurricane!).
And the west.. the last week in August is about "it" for Glacier National Park... and the Tetons and Yellowstone are always wonderful. Arkansas has wonderful parks and don't forget Texas! New Mexico in October is wonderful from one end to the other....
and if you want to be closer to home, the Adirondacks in NY or the Poconos in PA are likewise really nice!
(Now, doesn't this make you just WANT to go?)
You ever been to the Mountains of Tennessee in the fall? Wonderful (if you want to drive) or Acadia National Park in Maine in Late September? No place like it! If you love the Beach, North Carolina in October is wonderful (not during a hurricane!).
And the west.. the last week in August is about "it" for Glacier National Park... and the Tetons and Yellowstone are always wonderful. Arkansas has wonderful parks and don't forget Texas! New Mexico in October is wonderful from one end to the other....
and if you want to be closer to home, the Adirondacks in NY or the Poconos in PA are likewise really nice!
(Now, doesn't this make you just WANT to go?)
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