I'm Barely Breathing
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Your last post is interesting, Loves. Do you have particular friends you go to when you REALLY want to know? When you don't want to hear, "...yeah, that looks GREAT on ya!", but NEED to know, "... I think the green blouse is a better fit."
Or do you have that friend of yours that can tell you what she is REALLY feeling, and not expect you to fix her?
Those are the kind of people I most appreciate. The ones who are friendly and nice... are nice. But sometimes, I need friends that I can truly count on for honesty... or even just silence.
Most of those types of friends are women I've met in program. They won't ******** me, but they also have proven, time and again, that they love ME in spite of my character flaws... and that love is reciprocated.
For me this happens when I accept someone's honesty... and they accept mine.
Sometimes, I use humor - "Do you want me to tell you the truth, or is this one of those days when you just need to feel ok?" And if it is the latter, I ask them what's cookin' with them, and don't really even answer whatever question they just asked... because it probably wasn't about the question, anyway.
Ok... I hope you get where I am coming from, cause I am having trouble today getting my words to be clear (to me!). So if this doesn't make sense... maybe it is meant for someone else, or maybe I just needed to write it out. (Thankyou!).
((Loves))
Or do you have that friend of yours that can tell you what she is REALLY feeling, and not expect you to fix her?
Those are the kind of people I most appreciate. The ones who are friendly and nice... are nice. But sometimes, I need friends that I can truly count on for honesty... or even just silence.
Most of those types of friends are women I've met in program. They won't ******** me, but they also have proven, time and again, that they love ME in spite of my character flaws... and that love is reciprocated.
I've tried to imagine an easy way I can stand up for myself and my beliefs while continuing to make everyone around me happy
Sometimes, I use humor - "Do you want me to tell you the truth, or is this one of those days when you just need to feel ok?" And if it is the latter, I ask them what's cookin' with them, and don't really even answer whatever question they just asked... because it probably wasn't about the question, anyway.
Ok... I hope you get where I am coming from, cause I am having trouble today getting my words to be clear (to me!). So if this doesn't make sense... maybe it is meant for someone else, or maybe I just needed to write it out. (Thankyou!).
((Loves))
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Originally Posted by BigSis 
Your last post is interesting, Loves. Do you have particular friends you go to when you REALLY want to know? When you don't want to hear, "...yeah, that looks GREAT on ya!", but NEED to know, "... I think the green blouse is a better fit."
Or do you have that friend of yours that can tell you what she is REALLY feeling, and not expect you to fix her?
Those are the kind of people I most appreciate. The ones who are friendly and nice... are nice. But sometimes, I need friends that I can truly count on for honesty... or even just silence.
Most of those types of friends are women I've met in program. They won't ******** me, but they also have proven, time and again, that they love ME in spite of my character flaws... and that love is reciprocated.
For me this happens when I accept someone's honesty... and they accept mine.
Sometimes, I use humor - "Do you want me to tell you the truth, or is this one of those days when you just need to feel ok?" And if it is the latter, I ask them what's cookin' with them, and don't really even answer whatever question they just asked... because it probably wasn't about the question, anyway.
Ok... I hope you get where I am coming from, cause I am having trouble today getting my words to be clear (to me!). So if this doesn't make sense... maybe it is meant for someone else, or maybe I just needed to write it out. (Thankyou!).
((Loves))
Or do you have that friend of yours that can tell you what she is REALLY feeling, and not expect you to fix her?
Those are the kind of people I most appreciate. The ones who are friendly and nice... are nice. But sometimes, I need friends that I can truly count on for honesty... or even just silence.
Most of those types of friends are women I've met in program. They won't ******** me, but they also have proven, time and again, that they love ME in spite of my character flaws... and that love is reciprocated.
For me this happens when I accept someone's honesty... and they accept mine.
Sometimes, I use humor - "Do you want me to tell you the truth, or is this one of those days when you just need to feel ok?" And if it is the latter, I ask them what's cookin' with them, and don't really even answer whatever question they just asked... because it probably wasn't about the question, anyway.
Ok... I hope you get where I am coming from, cause I am having trouble today getting my words to be clear (to me!). So if this doesn't make sense... maybe it is meant for someone else, or maybe I just needed to write it out. (Thankyou!).
((Loves))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: punta gorda florida
Posts: 381
When my grandson was born, Keith loved him too. As time went by, he came to resent the baby[little did I know that he was using and didn't want any thing else in his life but drugs]. I felt torn, I loved him, he needed me, Xander needed me, my daughter needed me, my mom....I had no time for me....Well, Keith is gone, my daughter is in a hell of her own making, my mom continues to be a big help with watching Xander when I work but she needs constant reinforcememt regarding the fact that we cannot fix my daughter therefore I don't want to discuss what she should or should not do, and even with working, lugging the baby around and chasing him, I am finding I actually have time and money to care for me. We are not being selfish when we take care of ourselves, If we aren't well, we arent good for anyone...Take care of yourself first....Love you...Marian
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Geeze.. I got in trouble this morning at my job cuz I didn't do what someone else wanted me to do by doing what I am supposed to do. I know that doesn't make any sense..
Here is the context. My job is to review several opinions of something and come up with a final conclusion. Sometimes I agree with one of the opinions presented and other times I do not and come up with my own opinion. My opinion is based in fact and data.
so, today in the normal course of business I presented an opinion that was between the others and one of the people in the process thought I should just agree with what they came up with. They were very upset that I did not.
In the past I would have stressed and felt bad because this person is upset. This is the present and I am not feeling bad in the least. Their upset is not MINE to fix.
So, all sorts of trouble ensued.. they called my boss and sort of indicated I was not supportive etc. etc. (my boss has seen my work on this andagreed with me).
In spite of this I really do not feel bad or upset..
My point is that before recovery I would ahve been all kinds of worried that this person didn't LIKE me. Today I don't care. I cannot control whether or not they like me.
Recovery is a nice thing. Sometimes you get to a fork in the road and don't know which way to go but then you look back at where you have come from and realize no matter which fork you take, it is just more of the same journey up the hill.. and look how far you have come already.
Don't know if that helps you Kris. I hope so.
You are a fine person.
Here is the context. My job is to review several opinions of something and come up with a final conclusion. Sometimes I agree with one of the opinions presented and other times I do not and come up with my own opinion. My opinion is based in fact and data.
so, today in the normal course of business I presented an opinion that was between the others and one of the people in the process thought I should just agree with what they came up with. They were very upset that I did not.
In the past I would have stressed and felt bad because this person is upset. This is the present and I am not feeling bad in the least. Their upset is not MINE to fix.
So, all sorts of trouble ensued.. they called my boss and sort of indicated I was not supportive etc. etc. (my boss has seen my work on this andagreed with me).
In spite of this I really do not feel bad or upset..
My point is that before recovery I would ahve been all kinds of worried that this person didn't LIKE me. Today I don't care. I cannot control whether or not they like me.
Recovery is a nice thing. Sometimes you get to a fork in the road and don't know which way to go but then you look back at where you have come from and realize no matter which fork you take, it is just more of the same journey up the hill.. and look how far you have come already.
Don't know if that helps you Kris. I hope so.
You are a fine person.
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Thanks Elana. That actually does help a lot. What happened to you is a perfect example of a typical day in my life. I suppose it will never get any easier for me until I start practicing. 
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