I'm Barely Breathing
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Love's I was in Okeechobee today and thought about you. Wondered if you would want to meet for lunch. And guess what you could have told me NO and I wouldn't have been upset at all. I would have figured you had your reasons and they are valid whatever they are. And I'd still like you.
live
live
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
You know.. I have spent so much of my life trying to make other people happy. I have been largely unsuccessful at this.
It was not until recently that I have ceased to care if they are happy or not.
I figured I have an unusual talent.. I can **** someone off just by walking down the street past them. That is what I used to think. Now what I think is they were probably all set up to be pissed off long b4 I came along so, if they want to waste their life being that way, good for them. I won't buy into it any more.
Loves.. you don't have the power to please anyone or to make anyone mad all by your lonesome self. Only people have the power to do that to themselves.
Meanwhile, remember, Roxy and Noah still think you are A #1!!!
It was not until recently that I have ceased to care if they are happy or not.
I figured I have an unusual talent.. I can **** someone off just by walking down the street past them. That is what I used to think. Now what I think is they were probably all set up to be pissed off long b4 I came along so, if they want to waste their life being that way, good for them. I won't buy into it any more.
Loves.. you don't have the power to please anyone or to make anyone mad all by your lonesome self. Only people have the power to do that to themselves.
Meanwhile, remember, Roxy and Noah still think you are A #1!!!
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Oh Loves I am like you..........I love being alone. I too am so very tired of trying to please everyone close to me I feel like screaming. Sometimes I feel like getting on a plane for California & not coming bk. The reason I say California is it is as far away as I can get from where I live & still be in the USA ( I'm not counting Hawaii )
Hugs For You,
Diane
Hugs For You,
Diane
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Loves,
You are growing as a woman and with growth comes turmoil. Recently, you have made some dramatic changes in your life. I am sure you understand that one cannot run from life, it will always stare you square in the eyes. In many cases we grow and others do not, they expect you to be the same person you were in the past, and, they will try and push you to be that person, a person that you no longer are.
Nothing remains constant in life, it either gets better or worse. The key is, to be the person you want to be, for you. Others will have to take care of themselves, it is their responsibility, not yours.
Recovery is a difficult process, it has many twists and turns. I am not the same person I was before I started my journey into recovery. For that I am grateful, once everything calmed down, I found me and I like spending time with me. Quite a revelation!
I have no advice, I just know that you will get through this, one day at a time.
As Ever Your Friend,
Dolly
You are growing as a woman and with growth comes turmoil. Recently, you have made some dramatic changes in your life. I am sure you understand that one cannot run from life, it will always stare you square in the eyes. In many cases we grow and others do not, they expect you to be the same person you were in the past, and, they will try and push you to be that person, a person that you no longer are.
Nothing remains constant in life, it either gets better or worse. The key is, to be the person you want to be, for you. Others will have to take care of themselves, it is their responsibility, not yours.
Recovery is a difficult process, it has many twists and turns. I am not the same person I was before I started my journey into recovery. For that I am grateful, once everything calmed down, I found me and I like spending time with me. Quite a revelation!
I have no advice, I just know that you will get through this, one day at a time.
As Ever Your Friend,
Dolly
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: totally lost
Posts: 250
secret response :-)
Kris, I'm not even supposed to be here anymore...but your post hit sooooo close to home that I could not resist replying. Please don't tell my hubby I am posting...he wants me off this forum for good. Says it's not helping me anymore, but making me worse because I worry so much about what other people think of me.
I really "try" to use Ann's mantra "What other people think of me is none of my business", but it's hard to do.
I only read your post, none of the responses, so forgive me if I repeat anything. But we cannot live a happy, healthy life if we are trying to please anyone besides ourselves. Inevitably, we will tick someone off for one thing or another.
As an Aries, I tend to alienate people faster than most....sorta like Rosie O'Donnell, another Aries. No tact whatsoever! We say it the way we feel it, truthfully, but not everyone likes the truth. Most people would prefer you lie to make them feel better.
The people that "really" care about you, will not hold anything you do or say against you. The other's will. It sorta tells you who really cares and who doesn't. My mom sent me an email today that applies....
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it everyday. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
> 1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
> 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
> 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
> 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
> 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
> 6. You mean the world to someone.
> 7. You are special and unique.
> 8 Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
> 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
> 10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
> 11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
> And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt, and call me over!
Love, Barb
I really "try" to use Ann's mantra "What other people think of me is none of my business", but it's hard to do.
I only read your post, none of the responses, so forgive me if I repeat anything. But we cannot live a happy, healthy life if we are trying to please anyone besides ourselves. Inevitably, we will tick someone off for one thing or another.
As an Aries, I tend to alienate people faster than most....sorta like Rosie O'Donnell, another Aries. No tact whatsoever! We say it the way we feel it, truthfully, but not everyone likes the truth. Most people would prefer you lie to make them feel better.
The people that "really" care about you, will not hold anything you do or say against you. The other's will. It sorta tells you who really cares and who doesn't. My mom sent me an email today that applies....
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it everyday. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
> 1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
> 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
> 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
> 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
> 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
> 6. You mean the world to someone.
> 7. You are special and unique.
> 8 Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
> 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
> 10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
> 11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
> And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt, and call me over!
Love, Barb
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Kris,
I am so much like you, and worry about what others think of me. I am always trying to please everyone else but me, and it is hard to change.
Do what you have to for you and tell everyone else to forget it!!!! easier said than done I know.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, only worry about the little guy coming soon.
Hugs,
I am so much like you, and worry about what others think of me. I am always trying to please everyone else but me, and it is hard to change.
Do what you have to for you and tell everyone else to forget it!!!! easier said than done I know.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, only worry about the little guy coming soon.
Hugs,
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
hey girl.. ain't this place awesome?
Hope you are feeling better.
I got thru some pretty awful hurt and anger here with everyone's help.. especially and including YOURS and YOUR sense and your sense of humor. If this recovery business was EZ everyone would do it! I have had everything from terrible pain to throwing myself (emotionally) on the floor and having a tantrum.. and you were always so there for me and helpful Kris. I can never forget that!
PM me or Email me if there is anything I can do!
((((Kris)))) and of course.. ((((Roxy))))
I will let you do the Noah hugs!
Hope you are feeling better.
I got thru some pretty awful hurt and anger here with everyone's help.. especially and including YOURS and YOUR sense and your sense of humor. If this recovery business was EZ everyone would do it! I have had everything from terrible pain to throwing myself (emotionally) on the floor and having a tantrum.. and you were always so there for me and helpful Kris. I can never forget that!
PM me or Email me if there is anything I can do!
((((Kris)))) and of course.. ((((Roxy))))
I will let you do the Noah hugs!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm coming in late, but my love and support is unwaivering...You are growing into your skin, sweetie and soon that wonderful butterfly will emerge. It really is okay to just take the time you need to care for you. I really believe that it is only in learning to love ourselves that we can begin to love another. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 285
Hugs to you. I had a melt down on Friday morning. My husband said to me, "you are scaring me, your usually the rock of the family and if you go to pieces then what will we do". I'm a little sick of being the rock, and would like support for a change. But I always try to be bright and cheerful, when inside you feel like crap.
Like they all said above, take of care of you. I guess I have to practice what I preach too.
Take Care.
Like they all said above, take of care of you. I guess I have to practice what I preach too.
Take Care.
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Originally Posted by pjbs55 
Kris,
Hope you are doing better today. You have been on my mind all morning.
Hugs,
Hope you are doing better today. You have been on my mind all morning.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
I think I'm starting to miss work already. WTF was I just thinking okay I just snapped out of that madness. Well hope your day goes better and u keep your chin up. Now u hear me dont make me take a road trip for u too I'm on my way to GA to find teke as soon as I learn where she lives and how to read a map. Dont make me!! lol
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
Loves!!!
Hey there!
I was in Texas last week so I am not caught up on anything. Are you Nana Loves yet? Congrats....if you are!
I think everyone is right. It is you who has changed and grown. I remember somewhere during my continuing self discovery I realized that in the years that I had been dealing with exah my personal growth was masked by his addiction and we do grow because we learn from mistakes, situations...as we go along. All of this did not surface until later but then it all came rushing at me. I remember not know how to deal with myself thinking there was something wrong with me that some how I came out of this marriage severely f***ed up. But then I learned to step back...away from people just so I could get a handle on my emotions and so that all I had to deal with was my issues not issues people had with my issues. I am a different person today than I was before or during exah's addiction. I know it has thrown everyone for a loop.
You know who you are... You are someone who does not want to deal with nonsense anymore. You are someone who has learned that making yourself happy is worth the work. You have learned that making yourself happy is important no matter how uncomfortable it might be sometimes to make yourself No. 1.
Everyone's discomfort will show and so will yours. They're not comfortable that you have emerged a different person and your not comfortable because they're not comfortable. And sometimes it's hard not falling into old habits but your fall will be much shorter because you will find that the old habits are no longer what you want to be. Self relflect and you will realize that you are a much stronger person today than you were before. Embrace your change and the people who really count in your life will eventually fall in step with you and accept the new you.
Hey there!
I was in Texas last week so I am not caught up on anything. Are you Nana Loves yet? Congrats....if you are!
I think everyone is right. It is you who has changed and grown. I remember somewhere during my continuing self discovery I realized that in the years that I had been dealing with exah my personal growth was masked by his addiction and we do grow because we learn from mistakes, situations...as we go along. All of this did not surface until later but then it all came rushing at me. I remember not know how to deal with myself thinking there was something wrong with me that some how I came out of this marriage severely f***ed up. But then I learned to step back...away from people just so I could get a handle on my emotions and so that all I had to deal with was my issues not issues people had with my issues. I am a different person today than I was before or during exah's addiction. I know it has thrown everyone for a loop.
You know who you are... You are someone who does not want to deal with nonsense anymore. You are someone who has learned that making yourself happy is worth the work. You have learned that making yourself happy is important no matter how uncomfortable it might be sometimes to make yourself No. 1.
Everyone's discomfort will show and so will yours. They're not comfortable that you have emerged a different person and your not comfortable because they're not comfortable. And sometimes it's hard not falling into old habits but your fall will be much shorter because you will find that the old habits are no longer what you want to be. Self relflect and you will realize that you are a much stronger person today than you were before. Embrace your change and the people who really count in your life will eventually fall in step with you and accept the new you.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Loves,
Sorry late again on this, but I did want to write a small note here.
I think you've come to the fork in the road. YOU know what you want and how you want to be, but the other side is you're still a people pleasing gal, and having difficulty when you feel you've upset someone, by saying NO, or by NOT going with the flow.
You've come a long way, keep up the progress.
You're doing great.
Sorry late again on this, but I did want to write a small note here.
I think you've come to the fork in the road. YOU know what you want and how you want to be, but the other side is you're still a people pleasing gal, and having difficulty when you feel you've upset someone, by saying NO, or by NOT going with the flow.
You've come a long way, keep up the progress.
You're doing great.
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
A little late coming in here...I read your post yesterday but didn't have time to reply then.
This is something I am struggling with, too, especially with my (adult) kids. They have always called me to fix every crisis and every relationship, and I have always tried to do it. Now that I am not trying anymore, and telling them that they will have to make their own decisions and follow through on them, they don't always know how to react. I always, from the time they were very little, have jumped in between them and their father and tried to 'protect' them. The realization that I have come to is that I wasn't protecting them at all, I was turning them into codies just like me! (At least they are learning 2 or 3 decades earlier in their lives then I did....)
Something that Ann said above really struck me-it's not them that have changed, it's me. That is very true in my life.
As for isolating-I am fighting that tendency every day. It is so hard to put myself-my REAL self-out there and take chances when I have spent my whole life pretending to be a part of something that was a lie.
I was SO good at making our lives look 'perfect' from the outside, you know? Everyone thought we had it all-great kids, great home, successful business-just the perfect couple. What a crock of s**t that was! It's real hard to finally admit that it was all falling apart on the inside the whole time.
Something that catspajamas said above, she said to me in a post several weeks ago-what others think of me is none of my business.
Hard lesson to swallow, but oh so true! Hang in there, you have been through a lot. I think you are one incredible lady and I believe you will be fine. It just takes time, I have figured that out the hard way, too.
(((HGUS)))
This is something I am struggling with, too, especially with my (adult) kids. They have always called me to fix every crisis and every relationship, and I have always tried to do it. Now that I am not trying anymore, and telling them that they will have to make their own decisions and follow through on them, they don't always know how to react. I always, from the time they were very little, have jumped in between them and their father and tried to 'protect' them. The realization that I have come to is that I wasn't protecting them at all, I was turning them into codies just like me! (At least they are learning 2 or 3 decades earlier in their lives then I did....)
Something that Ann said above really struck me-it's not them that have changed, it's me. That is very true in my life.
As for isolating-I am fighting that tendency every day. It is so hard to put myself-my REAL self-out there and take chances when I have spent my whole life pretending to be a part of something that was a lie.
I was SO good at making our lives look 'perfect' from the outside, you know? Everyone thought we had it all-great kids, great home, successful business-just the perfect couple. What a crock of s**t that was! It's real hard to finally admit that it was all falling apart on the inside the whole time.
Something that catspajamas said above, she said to me in a post several weeks ago-what others think of me is none of my business.
Hard lesson to swallow, but oh so true! Hang in there, you have been through a lot. I think you are one incredible lady and I believe you will be fine. It just takes time, I have figured that out the hard way, too.
(((HGUS)))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 285
Loves, I'm envious of the embracing work part. I only work once in a while, (long story), but as is coming home in the next 2 days and I have been trying to find a full time or a really good part time job. I don't want to be at his disposal if you know what I mean. I really think getting out of the house and having something to take your mind off of your problems is half the battle. I love keeping busy. You know what they say about the idle mind. Oh well, just had to add my 2 sense. Want a job really bad.
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Originally Posted by Louise54
Loves, I'm envious of the embracing work part. I only work once in a while, (long story), but as is coming home in the next 2 days and I have been trying to find a full time or a really good part time job. I don't want to be at his disposal if you know what I mean. I really think getting out of the house and having something to take your mind off of your problems is half the battle. I love keeping busy. You know what they say about the idle mind. Oh well, just had to add my 2 sense. Want a job really bad.
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