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Old 05-30-2007, 06:19 PM
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I feel like a time bomb waiting to explode tonite. I cant get my kids settled quick enough. And Im too beat to full with a bubble bath. I hate this feeling. Guess its cause tomorrows payday for 2 weeks so then its grocery store, pet store, pay bills and everything else to be good til the 15th. SOmetimes I sware my to do lists are way too long
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:01 PM
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Teke glad to know you are okay. My imagination just goes wild sometimes. You have been on my mind a lot since you have been gine. I missed you.

Cindi, I know what you feel like.... it gets so hard at times doing everything ourselves with no help.

Well the jerk said he couldn't go on the trip because he has to work. I dont know why I got so disapointed this is coming from the same man who didnt go to his daughters own communion. You know I dont even have to say a word negative about him to my daughter. He does so well on his own. I would love to just to tell him off, my daughter has never asked him to do anything for her before and its so hard for him not to go... he is BS'ing about the job, he is a manager the boss of the store he works for he could have done something. All he thinks about is himself and what material item would give him happiness. This man is a "recovering alcoholic" and to be completely honest and I hate to say this here but he was a better dad when he drank than the way he is now straight. For some reason when he stopped drinking he pushed anyway close to him, daughter included away from him and she was only 5 yrs old back then.

I am tired.

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Old 05-30-2007, 07:16 PM
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Boy jewelz that really stinks it really sucks more when they get in that selfish mode and think of themselves. My nieces dad is like that shows up around oct-jan so he gets in good for the tax return then disappears again its so frustrating and now they are seeing it. Its too bad.
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:26 PM
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KJ, I had wanted to comment earlier and I got side tracked about your neice and not wanting to live with her mom's boyfriend anymore, but to stay with a friend. In my experience, and my opinion, teenage girls and moms boyfriends and or step dads can be a dangerous relationship. While I agree you dont want to encourage them to run away from people or things, if she'd be safe and well cared for at the other place it may not be a bad thing
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:30 PM
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Dangerous? I know he would do anything to her I just think she is thinking thats not her dad and he cant disipline her. he also has a daughter her age and they are good friends.
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:34 PM
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Just coming back on b4 bed..
I was thinking of this thread and all the complaints about working and jobs and wanting to go home.. .. I got to say this.

I am so grateful to have a job. I am even more grateful to have a really GOOD job. I know people who cannot find jobs or who want to work and are unable to due to disability etc.

If tomorrow I won the lotto I might not stay in the job I have today.. but I would go and buy a small ranch or I would go and work for a rancher or go to Veterinary school... IOW I would just change jobs.

I guess I am thinking that as much as I like my time off, I am so very grateful that I have a job and that I can work. All jobs have their "Gee I wsh I wasn't doing this right now!" moments.. the all do.. mine included... but I just wanted to say I am so very grateful I can work and earn money to live.

My $0.02... tho this thread is only a penny for my thoughts.. and please don't think I am being judgemental. I have had plenty of jobs I hated, but I have always been grateful to be able to work and earn my way.

And Jewelz.. that does suck. I am sorry.
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:34 PM
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okay time bomb has difused and now I feel me cycling back into codism. I miss AH. He went again to play with his son today, and another day sober. while at the same time Im told his brother looks 45 instead of 27 and is wasting away. I was doing so good, how did I cycle back again. Well one things for sure, the part of me that grew is never changing back, never. No matter what the future brings. For today, I accept these feelings as human, I let all else go and focus on doing good for me and my boys. I pulled out an old journal Id written in and some feelings of long ago,,,Im not that person nor do I think I ever would be again. That crazy girl has grown up. I accept I cannot control everything or those around me and I do the best to just control me and my actions
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:38 PM
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Kj, im sorry I didnt mean dangerous in that manner. I mean the fights teenagers have with there parents are different, more anger on the teens side towards a not biological parent. I know way too many girls, for no more reason that teen rebellion did stupider things after a fight witha step father. Thats all. Maybe talk to her. Teens have trouble with any authority and seem to project more on a non parent.
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:40 PM
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Cinder do what u can to get your mind off of him right now. I know it hurts and I know when your used to someone being there. Plus seeing him the other day didnt help I'm sure plus your hearing how good he is doing. It needs more time JMHO. Pick up a book turn on the tv give yourself a pedicure. Do something for u.
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:41 PM
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Elana, I dont hate my job, I just havent had a vacation, unless you call caring for a sick vomiting child vacation in 2 and a half years.
Tomorrow is for me. Ive long given up on a vacation where your away from home, that just will not happen, but people should have days off without being a nurse
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:41 PM
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Thats what I thought u were saying cinder. I understand and I'm wondering if thats what all this is about right now. Too bad their own father wouldnt step up to the plate but Lord knows being unemployed and all that would be too much like WORK for him.
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:45 PM
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Originally Posted by kj0975 View Post
Thats what I thought u were saying cinder. I understand and I'm wondering if thats what all this is about right now. Too bad their own father wouldnt step up to the plate but Lord knows being unemployed and all that would be too much like WORK for him.

LOL. At this point she probably would rebel with him too.

I hated my stepdad and he was the most kindest loving man, besides being a little possesive over my mom. I just never wanted to listen to him and I held that resentment with me for years
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:50 PM
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I also hated my step father... if only you guys knew what I put that poor man through. I was literally the step child from hell. But he is a good man and been through a lot of BS from my mom and stuck by her.
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:52 PM
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Originally Posted by kj0975 View Post
Cinder do what u can to get your mind off of him right now. I know it hurts and I know when your used to someone being there. Plus seeing him the other day didnt help I'm sure plus your hearing how good he is doing. It needs more time JMHO. Pick up a book turn on the tv give yourself a pedicure. Do something for u.

The funny thing is Im not really used to him being here, not long term anyway. But when he was sober and clear headed like he is now it was great. You guys remember the posts about dinners and such. I do agree it needs more time. I expect him to fall a few more times, even though in his mind it will not happen. ANd after quite a while we need to rebuild us, before we can jump back into being together and who knows if this will happen. We made a promise to also seek anger management counseling classes and marriage counseling, but when he can pay for it. He also commented that he's glad he blew his license money, he wasnt ready for it and the struggling and getting there although hard will help him keep it. (It feels like he's growing up without me, but thats a good thing.)

going too soak my feet in a bubbly spa by tv and go to bed.
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:55 PM
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I had a step mom too, we still have a toxic relationship. Sometimes I wonder , in part if thats because she's married to a quickly deteriotating man 100% dependant on meds to move and her son a recovering heroin addict, and she has 3 adult children now living in her home.

Poor woman, Ill try to remmeber that and take less things personally from her, cause God knows Ill never do anything right in her eyes
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Old 05-30-2007, 11:34 PM
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I read something today that kind goes along with what you said Cindi about trying to remember..............

It said
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet in going thru some type of battle............

and I guess thats true, many would never suspect what we go thru with addicts in our lives and we just never know what others are going thru
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Old 05-31-2007, 03:56 AM
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Just jumping back for a minute b4 going to work....

I think cycling back is real common.. don't beatyourself up for sure.. just take care of YOU cuz while you cycle back, your A may relapse as well in his/her own cycle back.. especially if they are not working a program.

As to work.. Heck I went almost 10 years with no vacation when I had the farm. That is a long time. You cannot take a day off at home when you are home and own 72 cows and 50-60 youngstock, horses, cats.. well you get the picture.

Taking off meant hiring a Farm sitter for that time for around $2,000 (for 10 days!) and still paying your hired help and paying for the vacation so it was a big time money losing proposition.

I have taken vacations every year but one since 2,001.
I know a lot of single Mom's where I work who never get vacations when they have small children due to taking so much time to take care of sick kids. Sometimes it just isn't possible to "have it all" I guess.. you end up in a trade off.. the joy of having and loving your kids instead of having vacations and things.

I never had children.. I don't LIKE (most) children (and I am getting more and more whiney cranky around them as I get older.. LOL). Everyone says I will regret not having kids someday (when I am old and infirm?) so far, no regrets and very grateful this child rearing job is someone elses!

Cheers and enjoy the Zoo!
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Old 05-31-2007, 04:14 AM
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Well I am up early this morning. bz bz bz morning. Gotta finish the laundry and finish packing and make anti pasta salad and mac salad!!! We are leaving at about 1pm to leave for Alexandria Bay to camp til sunday. I hate the whole packing and unpacking. I guess no one else will do it. Then I have a meeting at the school at 9am about my niece and then hopefully can finish up everything else when I get back.
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Old 05-31-2007, 04:45 AM
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Good morning. All I did after I got home yesterday was sleep! I don't want to work today. I agree with what Elana said...heck, I work with my best friend,...nobody bothers us and our schedule is flexible. I meet some great people too. BUT, I am a big baby about my head and neck, which does not hurt right now and I would like to keep it that way.

Teke, good for you. We talked about running away ourselves just weren't able to do it.

Cinder, you have more than earned this day....have a super great one!

kj, the campout will be fun! CHILL!

hugs to everyone!
I want to check out a post from someone I am worried about. And the clock just keeps ticking....I have an early morning and full day today.
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Old 05-31-2007, 04:55 AM
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Good Morning everyone. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Im up trying to get moving. Noticing how big my turtles have gotten. Man they are huge. Youd never imagine they were the size of a quarter a year ago and they will still double in size from where they are now. Any picture requests from the zoo?
(and no palmtree, we dont pick out friends for Templeton there.)
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