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Penny for your thoughts 11

Old 06-04-2007, 08:53 AM
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All the guys I grew up with (I was such a tomboy, guess that explains reptiles and rodents) Im sure have their own issues, but support their families and are always playing with their kids and giving the wifes a break.
When I reappeared in the area many wives had heard about me as a child in their group, but when I had to pass up dinner reservations and didnt show for get togethers as I couldnt afford say meat just for my family even, I came across as snooty, that wasnt my intention at all, rather my embarrasment that I have nothing and struggle for everything.

I saw a woman Saturday whose oldest son was my best friend going as far abck as preschool. He now has a six month old, beautiful house (fat wife, but beautiful on inside). She said Oh you ahve to see J___, he'll be so happy to see you, you know I always thought you two would marry, you were the only girl he was ever happy to hang out with.

Me instead was attracted to late night partying and not remembering how I got home. I remeber he and his cousin telling me I was gonna be sorry and they hoped I found my way back. I see his cousin every Sunday his wife and sister keep trying to reach out to me and I keep pulling back, I dont know why I cant just be their friends, instead I want to run away to solitude of my home, then complain Im always alone...
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Old 06-04-2007, 08:53 AM
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loves that is a nice way to look at it.................you always have a way of seeing the funny , happy or special side of things thats what makes it so greta to have you around
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Old 06-04-2007, 08:57 AM
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elana - thanks and i believe that you're right. i'm slowly learning that it is more about changing my attitude and believing in myself. i do plan on starting school pt in the fall to finish my degree. not sure how with four little ones but i'm determined to do it. i am tired of my "poor me" outlook and want to make my life what i want it to be, its just these damn baby steps - it takes so long! i want what i want now, ARGHHH!
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Old 06-04-2007, 08:58 AM
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Originally Posted by liesagain View Post
loves that is a nice way to look at it.................you always have a way of seeing the funny , happy or special side of things thats what makes it so greta to have you around
You know........that's the part of me MY MOTHER hates lol. I know......."always back to your mother".

Anyhow, I don't think it was a coincidence......or however you spell it, that we were all brought together. And if I had to go through all the turmoil I have to just be able to help one person...........in a sort of scarey way......it will be all worth it.
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Old 06-04-2007, 08:59 AM
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But.......I've heard it said that HP uses the ones he sees most likely to be able to mold into his image to be put through the worst of the worst. I mean......look at everything Noah, Joseph, and all the other biblical people had to go through.
Loves good point. I had an older family friend tell me that one time, that I had the ability to see the beauty in all things when others could not and some day because of that Id help others do the same. Maybe my trials are just a part of the learning process.

Elana, your right too. I can do more, I just have to figure out how and the answer lies inside me
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:01 AM
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Originally Posted by cinderellawkids View Post
I dont know why I cant just be their friends, instead I want to run away to solitude of my home, then complain Im always alone...
because its easier for us to run away and hide, i did the same thing when i lived back home - one of my daughters friend's mom was really cool and nice to me, inviting us over- but they had the "perfect" family and the biggest house i ever saw so i ended up blowing her off and stopped returning her calls, i think mostly because it just depressed me how much they had and how much we struggled for what little we had. i was sooo wrong. they were wonderful people and when i move back, i;'m gonna call her up and see if she wants to get together. no more hiding for me.
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:02 AM
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I went back to school for engineering. I already had a 4 year degree that I bought and paid for and earned myself. I ahve 3/4ths of a 2 year degree in Enginnering Science (civil) and had planned to get my PE.

Then I got a better job and so I am here now and not in school.

I had a 4.0 average in Engineering school... and I worked FT and went thru a divorce and a few moves in all of that.

I am thinking of taking a different path now.. and going for more chemistry and more math. I was very good in chemistry.

Yes.. it all takes a lot of time.. but I keep chipping away at it even tho I am 51 and it is likely not going to be too useful. It is a rush to do it and find out I am good at some of this academic stuff that is considered hard to do.
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:05 AM
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We're the special "chosen" ones whether we like it or not.
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:07 AM
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wow elana that is awesome, i'm terrible at math & chemistry - two years of chem 1 in high school and i still don't get it! i'm gonna finish the business degree i started 6 yrs ago. i stopped back then cuz i couldn't trust ah to watch the kids while i went to school, but now my mil and fil and other friends are all gonna pitch in with the kids in case rah starts using again and can't watch them. i feel good that i have a plan and can really stick to it this time.
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:08 AM
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loves, i just wish someone had asked my permission before i was "chosen"!! no, i guess not, i definately would've opted out and i know there must a reason for all this.
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:18 AM
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One of the things that got to me is when an old friend said "How can someone who had pictures published in national magazines at 15, turn away from their talent?
Truth is I stopped when my emotional issues started taking head.

My stepgrandmother (who is actually a museum curator) and counselor have encouraged me for years to sell and show prints. Maybe its time to get some things together and look into doing just that_on the side, just for fun.
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:18 AM
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I've asked "Why God?" and I think my answer came sort of like this; "You're not supposed to know why........just trust me."
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by finallyout View Post
loves, i just wish someone had asked my permission before i was "chosen"!! no, i guess not, i definately would've opted out and i know there must a reason for all this.

LOL, I think I started the choice by res\fusing to accept love unconditionally from those who offered it. Instead I was determined to seek it where it couldnt be found. Now if someone offers it I will try to remember to embrace it. Maybe I should have a candle party and invite all those people who've reached out and I shoved away (or is than manipulative, cause if they buy candles, I get some freebies?)
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:28 AM
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Originally Posted by cinderellawkids View Post
Maybe I should have a candle party and invite all those people who've reached out and I shoved away (or is than manipulative, cause if they buy candles, I get some freebies?)

If you can turn a bad situation into free candles, I would call it "Productive Therapy"
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:30 AM
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cindi - i think the candle party may be a good start? by any chance are you talking about party lite? they're my weakness. i love them.
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:31 AM
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I wish I wasnt the chosen one to clean the toilet......... Off I go to tackle another chore. Anyone else wanna be the chosen one to do that?

Yes productive therapy I agree. It would be nice to have everyone over and they are usually a relaxed thing too. Or maybe have a cookout. Well I like the idea of free stuff though.
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted by palmtree View Post
People who gets things handed to them...in my point of view they never really apppreciate it as they never had to WORK HARD for it. we on the other hand...have struggled...struggled more...dissapointments...more heartbreaks....divorces....children....we were indeed the chosen ones...the chosen one to show all the LAZY people..this is how it's done... this is how we have lived our full life...this is our LEGACY....we don't have as much money as you have...we may not have all our sanity (grin)...but we have ourselves to show for and be PROUD...always be proud of what you've accomplished no matter how small it may be.

Oh .......I LOVE THAT!! We can certainly appreciate the little things in life moreso than someone who has had everything handed to them..........someone who has been sheltered from hardships and heartaches has no idea what this life is all about. If we can come out of this life with a quarter of our sanity left...........that's an awesome deal!!
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:35 AM
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Yes Im talking about partylite. I figure I got this nice house now (unless grandpa takes it away, but he said it was for the kids to ahve a better life.) It screams have company the house really does, where my old one was dreery dark, smelly and there was an unpredicatble AH. I never allowed anyone in. So I want to decorate with tropical plants, candles (aromatherapy) and my own images on the wall, have an awesome place that blows things up for exhibits cheap. Once I get it together I figure a candle party, by a friend who sells them, would be a great Hello and welcome to my house...
(As wellas expanding my comfort zone by inviting lots of peaople into a small area and playing hostess (yKIES)
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted by kj0975 View Post
I wish I wasnt the chosen one to clean the toilet......... Off I go to tackle another chore. Anyone else wanna be the chosen one to do that?

Yes productive therapy I agree. It would be nice to have everyone over and they are usually a relaxed thing too. Or maybe have a cookout. Well I like the idea of free stuff though.

Why don't you buy one of those blue thingies you drop into the bowl?

I wish I had been chosen to work in a chocolate factory. I really need some right now and the thought of an endless supply gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside.
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Old 06-04-2007, 09:36 AM
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Cinder.. sometimes we have to fight a battle on two fronts. This includes emotional issues while fighting for what we want financially.

I almost lost it all.. including my LIFE.. when I lost the farm as my marriage hit the skids.

After that, there is NOTHING I cannot do. I get headaches sometimes that last me 2 days. I battle on. I get heart arrhythmias some times.. I take a deep breath, step aback a moment then battle on. I have bad knees and arthritis where I didn't even know I had joints.. and I creak up to my feet and I BATTLE ON.

No one. NO ONE and NOTHING is EVER going to keep me from success again in my life, especially me!.

You have choices.. tho gosh they may not be EZ.

If every co-dependent replaced all the energy they waste on their Addict with action to improve their lives (school, work, talents etc.) they would all have roaring success.

Think about it.. instaed of worrying, feeling sad, getting angry, checking on the whereabouts, looking for drugs, looking for the addict.. was all replaced by taking time to do a better job at work, learn a new skill, hone an old skill, push forward a talent or go to school, a co dependent could be nothing BUT successful.

So, next time you start to feel bad about your A, pick up your camera, read a text book, work thru a problem, look for a class.. Well, you get the idea.
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