How do I rationalize this???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
How do I rationalize this???
Hmmmm. The Superman ride at Six Flags has nothing on being involved with an alcoholic/substance abuser!
AH came to visit the kids Saturday. He was anxious, unable to focus, dripping sweat, irrational, nasty, and all the things that make me thrilled he's gone.
Today he came to get my daughter to plant flowers at his Father's grave. He was calm, jolly, and pleasant.
Now, I realize that it's very early, and he probably hasn't started using yet. Or then again he may have refrained from using Saturday, knowing he was taking the kids, and may have been strung out. And of course he hadn't drank yet, because that's the first thing I check him for!
But what's the only thing I feel? I only feel that maybe he isn't so bad. Maybe I'm really the one with the problem, like he says. Maybe I caused the problem and he's doing just great now that he doesn't have to deal with me?? Saturday and all the other days don't even matter. Today he was fine. Must be my fault!
Oh no, I feel a bout of self pity coming on! Is this normal? When does it stop? If I didn't know better, I'd think I was the one under the influence! Am I still in denial?
Yikes! Fasten your seat belts, we're in for a bumpy ride!!!!
AH came to visit the kids Saturday. He was anxious, unable to focus, dripping sweat, irrational, nasty, and all the things that make me thrilled he's gone.
Today he came to get my daughter to plant flowers at his Father's grave. He was calm, jolly, and pleasant.
Now, I realize that it's very early, and he probably hasn't started using yet. Or then again he may have refrained from using Saturday, knowing he was taking the kids, and may have been strung out. And of course he hadn't drank yet, because that's the first thing I check him for!
But what's the only thing I feel? I only feel that maybe he isn't so bad. Maybe I'm really the one with the problem, like he says. Maybe I caused the problem and he's doing just great now that he doesn't have to deal with me?? Saturday and all the other days don't even matter. Today he was fine. Must be my fault!
Oh no, I feel a bout of self pity coming on! Is this normal? When does it stop? If I didn't know better, I'd think I was the one under the influence! Am I still in denial?
Yikes! Fasten your seat belts, we're in for a bumpy ride!!!!
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Guinea,
Write this down and memorize it.
The 3 C's: You didn't CAUSE it, you can't CURE it, and you can't CONTROL it, his disease of addiction, that is.
Now repeat that after me. "I didn't CAUSE it, I can't CURE it, and I can't CONTROL it."
Again.....again.....again....
You are NOT crazy. You have an addicted person in your life who would love to blame you so he doesn't have to take a good look at himself. Doing that would require that he admit he has a problem. And remember, addiction is a family disease. It sucks us in and makes us all question our thinking.
Again, the 3 C's. Remember them, repeat them.
And if you don't already go to face to face meetings, I'd recommend finding an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting and start attending. They, along with this board, have helped me so much.
Hang in there. You can get better and your mind can become more clear.
Hugs and prayers,
Hangin' In
Write this down and memorize it.
The 3 C's: You didn't CAUSE it, you can't CURE it, and you can't CONTROL it, his disease of addiction, that is.
Now repeat that after me. "I didn't CAUSE it, I can't CURE it, and I can't CONTROL it."
Again.....again.....again....
You are NOT crazy. You have an addicted person in your life who would love to blame you so he doesn't have to take a good look at himself. Doing that would require that he admit he has a problem. And remember, addiction is a family disease. It sucks us in and makes us all question our thinking.
Again, the 3 C's. Remember them, repeat them.
And if you don't already go to face to face meetings, I'd recommend finding an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting and start attending. They, along with this board, have helped me so much.
Hang in there. You can get better and your mind can become more clear.
Hugs and prayers,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Although it is possible to act crazy when we are around our addicts, the true test of craziness is the way we are around normal people. Around normal people, I am fine. Only when I am with my AD do the attacks of craziness, doubt, fear, etc. etc. etc. come about. Otherwise I am fine. Ummm....that is when I realized it is not about me. Hugs, Marle
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
Jude, Jude, Jude.
Do ya really think it could be you? Come on, now.
He's not living with you, right? So how do you know what he's up to?
Ya don't. You will see different moods, reactions, and dispositions from him.
Don't read anything into'em. Your head will spin. Then you'll definitely be on a ride.
He may seem fine one day, then the next...Bam!
You have no control over that. Your only seeing what you want to see.
The disguises that an addict can wear are unbelievable. Ya just never know who's gonna show up at your door. Trust me. Focus on you and your children for now.
Time will tell with him. Go slow. That's my honest opinion.
Take what ya need and leave the rest. Sending healing prayers up for you and your family tonight.
Linda
Do ya really think it could be you? Come on, now.
He's not living with you, right? So how do you know what he's up to?
Ya don't. You will see different moods, reactions, and dispositions from him.
Don't read anything into'em. Your head will spin. Then you'll definitely be on a ride.
He may seem fine one day, then the next...Bam!
You have no control over that. Your only seeing what you want to see.
The disguises that an addict can wear are unbelievable. Ya just never know who's gonna show up at your door. Trust me. Focus on you and your children for now.
Time will tell with him. Go slow. That's my honest opinion.
Take what ya need and leave the rest. Sending healing prayers up for you and your family tonight.
Linda
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