patchoulli

although my daughter told me she was smoking crack, the only thing found in her was alcohol[well that was enough to make her leave her baby at 4am and set a fire], she says she is depressed and overwhelmed and everything is too much. None of this was evident until I set my boundaries about her showering and laundry here rather than returning the wrong well pump and getting the right one...It was just too much for little old her to handle. She was released yesterday from the crisis unit and went back 2 hours later. I have not talked to her, I don't want to. I had a wonderful day today, I brought the baby to my moms for the nite, did 3 nursing visits, went to a meeting, went riding with my girlfriend and came home and potsied around. I am not living in her chaos, I pray for her every nite but will not be dragged into her self made craziness...I will pursue through the courts to get custody of my grandson until the time that the court decides that she can take care of him. I called the worker and told her my daughter was released and went back in. I want them to know she is a psychiatric clinic so that it is on record when we go to court. I have also decided to see if she will sign a quit claim for her house. I took a loan for $80,000 for it and since she quit her job the same nite I set my boundaries she can't pay her mortgage. The house needs a lot of work, I'll pay to have it done and possibly rent it to her. I don't know yet. It will come to me. I am calm, I had a beautiful day, I talked to god, I spent the day with a great friend and all is well. Marian

Hangin' In

GOOD FOR YOU, PATCH! I love it when I see someone taking their life back. I know how hard it is, but when we do set those boundaries, we really are helping our kids grow up to be responsible. I was so slow to see this, but we are doing the right thing when we quit taking on their responsibilities.

Now you go and have yourself another good day tomorrow. You deserve it!

Hugs,
Hangin' In

marle

Marian, The same thing happened with my daughter last year. We took back a car that we were financing for her because she was not living up to her end of the bargain. So instead of paying the money she owed us, she decides to quit her job and go back to the ex-crack addicted boyfriend. She then tries to slit her wrists and throws a chair through the porch window at his apartment. I am sure all this was done in an effort to get mom involved again. Instead it made me pull farther away. Since I have been out of my daughter's life, she has somehow managed her own affairs (althought not well) without the constant calls home with her constant complaints and chaos. It does feel good. Even before her addiction my daughter was always able to find a way to manipulate me to get what she wanted. When I started to say no and stick to my boundaries, she, at first, tried to up the ante by doing outrageous things. When she realized that I was serious, she stopped coming around and calling. So you stick to those boundaries. Your daughter needs to find a way to live a healthy, independent life. Hugs, Marle

tropikgal2

Patchoulli--sounds like you are doing really well and that is GREAT!! Hopefully your daughter will come around and get her act together.
Is your name on the lien for the house since you took the mortgage? I am sure there is a way to get the house title in your name only expecially if your daughter has been in the psych ward. Real estate is always a good investment even if the market is crappy right now.

Ann

Patch, you are taking care of the things you can take care of...you and the child, and letting God take care of everything. It's a good way to live, it really does reclaim a life worth living.

We can pray for our addicts and let them know we love them, and the rest is between God and them.

You inspire me today, and I too will remember to be grateful for all the wonderful things in my life.

Hugs

patchoulli

thank you. I had a tough day today. I feel on the verge of tears and will be going to a meeting at 7:00. They let the idiot out of the hospital and at 12:30 in the morning I hear a banging on the front door. Its her. She walked 3 miles to tell me she's out of the hospital, has a script for meds and is fine.She says she had a psychotic break from all the stress in her life.... She asked me for cigarettes. I told her she had to leave, I didn't let her in the house and I didn't give her any cigarettes. I had a hard time sleeping, thinking she was walking home alone. I cannot fall into her nuttiness, God protects the idiots... Before work this morning I stopped by her house. I told her that I was taking the house and I was giving her 30 days to get herself together.I want her to leave but I cannot throw her on the street and if I had to go to court it would still take me that long. I have been absolutely exhausted all day, as I said, I definitely will be going to a meeting tonite. I will still pursue custody of Xander, I am taking the house and will finish the repairs. I know I am doing the things I need to do to protect myself, It is still difficult. Marian

marle

Marian, You may still want to go through the courts and do a legal eviction. You can give her 30 days, but if she wants to make things rough for you she can. Has she been paying the rent. Did you find drugs. Even without a written agreement I know in my state that you have to have a reason for eviction and the tenant can appeal it. Usually it takes around 50 days total with the 30 days, the 10 that they can appeal, etc. My daughter and her abf have been through it twice and they made the landlords go the entire mile and only moved at the last minute before the court sent people to put their stuff on the street. Prayers for you. Hugs, Marle

Wascally Wabbit

Patch,
It seems you have a plan, and have your sanity back. You sure sound a whole lot better today! I am glad you had a good day. More will come.

dollydo

You are taking back your life, and this is good. It is the only answer for your well-being
and your grandchilds.

I am very so glad you are going to persue custody of your grandson, he sure deserves better. He is a lucky little man to have such a wonderful grandmother.

Elana

I think you are doing the right thing here.. it sure sounds like the right thing. You are taking care of you and you are taking the innocent out of the turmoil (Xander).

It doesn't always feel great.. not at first anyway.. this business of taking care of US first... but when you get going it just gets better and better.

You seem to know this. Let go and Let God.. you are doing great!

patchoulli

my daughter was not a tenant, I financed the home with an equity loan on another house and she paid me the amt of the mortgage payment. She agreed to sign a quick claim deed. I only spoke to her this morning, I am very very angry. On a positive note, I went to a meeting tonite, and I actually laughed, and then I rode to walmart and got honked at a few times from men[well actually very young men, but it was dark, they couldnt tell how old I was]. It was just a tough day. I know things are what they are supposed to be and I know it will all be ok as long as I take care of me. Thank you everyone for the support. Marian