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The scariest point for you to be

Old 05-27-2007, 02:39 PM
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Years back, before XABF and I ever met.. was the day after I almost committed suicide because I realized my husband was an alcoholic and mentally ill and he never loved me and never would and had said so. This was two days after he said he married me so that people would think he was normal (sexually). He was not. He was an asexual human being.

This was said to me after being married to him for 18 years and suffering emotional and mental abuse for all thos years.. and suffering an non existant sex life and wondering what I did so wrong that he did not want me.

And I went to a low place I will never go to again. Realizing how close I came to not being alive today still frightens me.
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Old 05-27-2007, 10:32 PM
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wow, what was scariest for me was my own insanity -- the few times when I freaked out and became hysterical, out of control (i described two of the three I am thinking of here) and basically had a momentary state of insanity, I hurt myself,( purposely smacked my head against things out of frustration) I hurt the abf (gave him a concussion when I pushed him and he fell against a wall). So that unbeleivable anger and frustration that led to that.

Also -- having times where I became one of those women I swore I never would become -- putting a boyfriend's needs in front of my children's. The fact that I did that really scared me.
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Old 05-28-2007, 09:03 AM
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my scariest moment? all of them down this road of addiction but i guess right now is the scarest i have even been.my son is looking at life in prison. the crazy thing is when he committed the first felon fresh out of prison on this journey he was clean, i honestly believe this. at this point it doesn't matter how clean he was he did it & did it again until he got caught.after he was bailed out of jail (not by me) it has been down hill every since. more felons. every few days he will tell me he is not going to go back to prison.he has threatened suicide, his date july 4th & it scares me to death.is it quacking or not? he hung himself in jail 4 yrs ago & medics brought him back.i love my son as much as any mother & with my God & my support team i will get thru this, one day at a time.
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Old 05-29-2007, 12:35 AM
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life, such as it is for some of us is unbearable I suppose. My AS has talked about suicide too and has come close to dying a couple of times but not because of intentional attempts at taking his life.

prayers are with you and your AS.

life in prison is frightening at best, but if that is the verdict and he goes, then hopefully he will learn something that will make his life worth living to him, even in prison.

mothers sometimes have the hardest responsibilities in the world...to be a mother to our addicted child. we do it because we love unconditionally, even if our child did make choices that has led him/her to this dark, dark place.
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Old 05-29-2007, 07:34 AM
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When I received the call, at work, that my son had been transported by ambulance to the ER...found in a parking lot in broad daylight, beside his car, needle close by.
That quickly turned to anger when I arrived and he was telling me it was no big deal, he felt better now. That couple of minutes when we didn't know if he made it alive was horrible. The call was from his step dad, who happened to have a friend in dispatch, that recognized the name. She had no info on his condition.
I thought he was surely dead.
But...I suppose the good thing was it started the wheel in motion of help, or no home. I knew I could not stand by and wait for the next call. And I think he knew at that point he was no longer fooling anyone.
I thank God that it was a turning point for me...and eventually for him.
Your insight and perspective continues to amaze me ((((Marle)))
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