oneeyeopen

well, amazingly, it was something that had nothing to do with drinking or drugs that made me disgusted and walk away from abf yesterday, and you know, now that I did that, I don't know if I would get back with him unless things are really different.

It's like this -- I have been slowly moving all week and this weekend is when I have to clear out this apartment and get it cleaned up. and you know who I have to help me == my 14 year old son and my 75 year old mother, and me, I have back probs, she has arthritis and is very obese, and my son is not much of a help...

and where is abf??? in his basement, depressed, because he can't move in with me (no money, still not clean and sober) and angsting over a oui that means he will have to go to jail for two weeks.

so his stupid crisis, has clouded his judgement, his mental angst, means he won't help me, and he thinks nothing of leaving me to doing this on my own with the help I have!!!

so freekign selfish, so impossible.

so last night I look in the mirror at myself and I think, do you really want to be involved with a guy who would leave you in this situation like that? who would really, without guilt, sit in his apartment all weekend, knowing that a fat old lady, a child , and me are the only ones moving all my stuff to the new place and not get beyond himself to help when help is really needed???

yeah, he has failed me before, but never with such a big thing, never in a way that effects the other people around me.

even my rotten exhusband wouldn't do that.

dollydo

That bolt of lightening just hit you, and you are going to survive and be in a better place.

Hugs,
Dolly

Mavis

Isn't it the truth. I see alot of this in my AH. Glad to see you spotted it, and are ready to move on and be healthy and sane!

rozied

Very good thinking. You can tell you are thinking with your head & not just your heart. It takes more than a feeling to keep a relationship going. It takes 2 people working together. My 1st husband was a compulsive gambler. After 10 yrs & 2 children I got very tired of being the only one giving.
I hope your thinking continues to be clear. You deserve the very best out of life & it is now obvious to your ABF is only thinking of himself.

Love,
Diane

Elana

You know.. when I first met Xabf I would look in the mirror and say, "What does he even SEE in YOU???"

After about a year I would look in the mirror and say, "Why does he stay with you?"

And in another year, when I was moving w/o his help and the help of my 83 y.o. Father and 79 y.o. Mom, I looked in the mirror and thought, "Well, he must have been busy and could not help..."

When he started to act distant after we moved in together I looked in the mirror and said, "What is so wrong with me? If only I was better (looking, thinking, younger.. add your own list here)."

When he was moving out I looked in the mirror and said, "You, Elena, must be an awful person..."

Then I found out about the drugs and the cheating.....

I began to look in the mirror and say, " Girl, you are better off without him."
This graduated to looking in the mirror and saying, "You really are alright.. you are not an addict and you don't cheat or lie or do drugs. You are an OK person."

This changed to looking in the mirror and saying, "Dang woman! You are awesome! He is gone and you are paying your bills, doing work, handling all sort of household stuff, and truly enjoying your solitiude!"

Recently I looked in the mirror and I said, "You know, you are soooo good looking. Those guys who don't think so are just losers.. and it is their loss! Fact is.. girl, you look so good it ought to be illegal!"

And.. this morning I looked in the mirror and said, "Next time around maybe you could trade some of your good looks to be born into MONEY!"

Yes, you do deserve someone who cares and who will help you move and not sit alone and feel sorry for themselves because they do drugs and they are irresponsible and they can't hold up their end of a relationship with you! You just keep on lookin' in that mirror and know you are so worth so much better treatment!

liesagain

elana.....thats cute........you go girl

Elana

Hi LA..
Not bad for someone who can make the big oak at the end of the lawn look young huh?

Come on and walk with me on this road. It is a lot of fun and sometimes it takes us into Butt Kicking new territory (tho I will leave the steel toed bunny Slippers to Ann.. she has the technique!

If we learn to feel better about who we are, we are all winners. WE become leaders

..and, while the addict may not believe it.. that us becoming winners will help them.. I am willing to bet that addicts who are in full blown active recovery might.

BigSis

Oneeyeopen - when I used to hear about situations like yours, I would think. Oh that is awful... that terrible addict, that poor woman. Why does God allow this to happen to nice people like her.

Then I got into program and I can see that the "poor woman" has had her eyes opened WIDE by this, and the "terrible" addict may finally learn a lesson he desperately needs and there may even be something in this for the older woman and the young child.

When I finangle a situation, ONE person is helped, when HP creates/allows a situation... a whole LOT of people get what they need.

I am sorry this had to happen to you, but I am glad for the enlightenment that resulted.

(((hugs)))

mooselips

Yep, you just tell yourself you are worth SO much more than him.

Why settle for less?