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Old 05-23-2007, 04:49 PM
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relapse after 2 years

I wrote about my daughter crossing boundaries, not exchanging her well pump and taking showers here and laundry [lots of it], while a friend offered to install it for her if she would just go pick it up. I went to a meeting Monday nite after realizing I was obsessing and also feeling resentment. I stopped at her house on the way home to talk to her. When I got there she said that she wanted to be by herself and i told her that we needed to talk about boundaries. I told her I loved her and the baby but not more showers and no more laundry, she could drop the baby off a half hour before she was due for work but he needed to be picked up right after work. She yessed me to death, I repeated I loved her and the baby but as long as I was allowing her to make herself at home at my home, she wasn't doing what she needed to do and I didn't want to start telling her what to do. Next day when I get home from work about 230 shes here just getting out of the shower and feeding herself and the baby. I told her she had to leave and to come back to drop the baby off at 400. She never came back, I tried to call at 430 and no answer. In the meantime, my oldest daughter came by with my birthday present and we jumped on the bike to exchange my new jeans for a different size. We went to dunkin donuts for coffee and just had a great couple of hours. This morning while at my first visit[home health nurse], my boss called me and wanted me to come to the office. I went, he was waiting for me outside and sat me down. Proceeded to tell me that my supervisors son[also an addict], had told his mom that he saw Desiree at the gas station up the street from her house naked with only a blanket on at 430 AM. I left and went to my daughters house, its filthy, my grandson was in bed at 1000 AM and didn't even have a diaper on[he's 1 1/2]. I told her to give him to me or I would call the police and she handed him over. I went back later for his carseat and some clothes and she was still out of it. I asked her if she was on crack and she said YES. WHO CARES? [pity party for her]. I threw a lamp at her[I know, it was wrong, I wish it hit her], and told her to just OD and get it over with rather than going thru this again. [Dont forget, Keith has been dead only 10 weeks].She told me to F___ Off. I left, my mom came to my house to watch the baby while I finished my visits and I will be dropping him off at her house in the mornings, picking him up after work for now. I didn't call the police, I did ask her if she wanted to go to rehab and she said no, she didn't need it......Thanx Nancy for listening last nite and thanx all for being here. I feel angry, disgusted and sad, but not heart broken. I am thanking god for the series of events that led me to my grandson right away instead of a much worse outcome. He is safe. I can't save her but I can protect myself and Him....Marian
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Old 05-23-2007, 05:01 PM
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(((Marian)))
I am so sorry to hear this. I know you have been through so much lately. Thank God you were there for the baby. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
You did the right thing. You are a good mom. Just please remember that, K?
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Old 05-23-2007, 05:21 PM
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Marian, Wow I am sorry about this happening. I think that you probably had some idea that something was up when she was short on money, etc. But it is still a shock when you find out the truth. You are doing the right thing taking the baby away for now. He needs you. Hugs, Marle
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Old 05-23-2007, 05:40 PM
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you are in my prayers and I am so thankful that the baby is going to be taken care of. I have come to realize that there is indeed only so much you can do for someone and you, my dear, have offered rehab to your daughter. She is not willing. You are going to give your grandchild safety and love which she cannot at this time. My son also used crack. While I hated and deplored the things I found out he had done and the shame I felt came in waves the one thought that save me was that he was physically, spiritually, and mentally broken. That he was a shell of the son I had and that was when forgiveness came into my heart. I thought who in his/her right mind would choose this life? I offered him rehab or jail. He chose rehab (intensive) for six months. He has been home for a month now and appears to be taking one day at a time .Maybe your daughter needs to be given the rehab or jail choice. I can't say. I can only tell you my experience but I thank God each night that he is alive. Our relationship is not where it should be but I know it is going to take time. I have no illusions.....only hope. many hugs, dixied
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Old 05-23-2007, 05:45 PM
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Thank God you got that little baby out of there! Where was he when she was at the gas station at 4:30 AM?? Poor little fella! Just keep him safe and take care of yourself and him. Just remember, you are not dealing with your daughter. You are dealing with an addict. It is the drug saying those horrible things to you. Be strong! My prayers are with you and baby boy! Hugs!!!
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Old 05-23-2007, 06:04 PM
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Im sorry for your pain, Im happy for now your grandson is with you. The other day when you posteed about thesituation I haad that sicknening feeling we all geet. Soa agin today Im glad your grandson is safe.
Sadly your daughter is exactly where my husband and his brother is at, except theyve been "stuck" in that mode without working for over a month now, and he's only once called and chated with his son, 2 and a half.

I pray for them all and for everyone elses loved ones
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Old 05-23-2007, 06:24 PM
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Patch, that baby is blessed to have you to watch out for him. How sad addiction is, for the whole family.

My prayers go out for your daughter, that she find a better path soon. And special prayers for you and your mom and that precious child.

Hugs
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Old 05-23-2007, 06:25 PM
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What a stressful day for you. Thankfully, the baby is in GOOD hands. I know you love him. What would he do if he didnt' have you? I am a grandma too, and there is n't anything I wouldn't do for my granddaughter. She's 1.5 too.
Stay strong patouli.
I also have a good friend who raised her granddaughter till she was 11 years old. Then, her addict mother finally got her act together and sobered up.
I hope it doesn't take that long for your daughter.
I know it's hard. My granddaughter lives with me along with her mother because my son is in jail. They had no one else.
If it seems like you're going to pop, go get a full body massage! I have had it done, and felt like all the stress went away after that one hour! It was awesome and you deserve it.
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Old 05-23-2007, 06:33 PM
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You are in my prayers. I am so very sorry for the insanity, thank God we have a program and this forum/M
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Old 05-23-2007, 08:17 PM
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Ever imagine you could love someone else that much? A grandmothers love is magnificent. That baby comes first! You might want to get some type of legal paperwork or something to keep her from taking him away to punish you.
My hat goes off to you!
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Old 05-23-2007, 08:22 PM
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(((Patch)))
Sorry about the news of your daughter.
You're such a good, loving, grandmom.
Your daughter is very lucky to have you as
the grandmother of her child.


Hugs, and prayers for your daughter.
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Old 05-23-2007, 08:24 PM
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I am so glad you got that baby!! Who knows what would've/could've happened if you didnt' get to him. You need to set the legal wheels turning to get your daughter's rights taken so you can get custody of him.
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Old 05-23-2007, 08:37 PM
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((Marian)) I am so, so sorry you are facing this. I am grateful that you are a wonderful grandmother who saved her grandson from a frightening situation. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
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Old 05-23-2007, 08:43 PM
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I am in a state of shock. I stopped at Desi's house after grocery shopping, the front door was wide open, smell of smoke, no one in the house. I don't know what to do right now so I am not going to do anything for now, except keep Xander with me and my mom. I keep asking myself "how could she do this after so much progress and jeopardize the baby?". The answer is simple...thats what addicts do. I will never understand it. God was good to my and my family today, I hope he watches over her. Thank you everyone...Marian
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Old 05-23-2007, 08:46 PM
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((((Marian))))
Sending love, hope and prayers...

((((hugs))))
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Old 05-23-2007, 10:51 PM
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(((((Marian))))) I'm so sorry. Thank you for taking care of the little one. Prayers for all of you; I hope your daughter gets tired of this soon and finds her way back.
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Old 05-23-2007, 11:06 PM
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So sorry to hear that your daughter has relapsed. I hope that she finds her way soon. In the meantime, I'm glad that baby has you and your mom to look out for him.
Sending you and the baby some big hugs.
CBS
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Old 05-24-2007, 03:49 AM
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I haven't met you before but I have been reading your posts. So sorry to read about your daughters relapse but I am very glad you have the baby. My 40yr old son is the addict in my life. He lost his 2 sons a few yrs ago when the mother married & her husband adopted my 2 grandsons. It breaks my heart that he lost his children BUT I would rather see it this way as I know the boys are safe & have a good life. My son was just incarcerated again after being out of jail since last August. Coke is also his DOC.
Hugs from one mom to another,
Diane
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Old 05-24-2007, 05:00 AM
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When you described going by the house and smoke ect, my heart sunk. I know what seeing that smelling that hurting for the addict feels like. I spent the last 2 hours of my night praying to not think about that with my husband, sometimes it just sneaks up on you.

Again, Im so glad xander's safe and I pray she finds her way. In the devastation we can only hope they are a step closer
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Old 05-24-2007, 02:48 PM
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Patch,
let us know how things are going...we've been thinking about you!!!
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