rozied

I think my mom has called me more times since AS was arrested than shes called me in a month. It seems AS has people calling for him from jail about the car. I have told her that this is really hard for me & I don't want to know anything aboout him right now but she insists on telling me anyway. Then to top it off shes hard of hearing & if I talk normally she can't hear me & if I raise my voice she accuses me of yelling & hangs up on me. By the time the conversation ends I am shaking. After we hung up I wrote her a letter trying to tell her how I feel. In a latter your not interrupted. By the time I was done I had second thoughts about mailing it cuz anytime I've done this she denies anything I've said anyway. I am so frustrated. She has done so much for my AS long after I have told her not to & what ticks me off the most is over the yrs she has never called to ask me if she should honor any of his requests before she gives in. Even when he was little she would buy him whatever he asked for & never respected me as his mom. Then anytime he gets into trouble my phone doesn't stop ringing.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Love,
Diane

mooselips

((((Rozied))))
Give yourself a break. STOP answering the phone.


Hugs to you, sweetie.

dollydo

I think she is use to dragging you into the muck and mire, and cannot understand why you want to step back and work on you.

Having two elderly parents, I have found that they are very set in their ways, their mindset. They do not accept change, old habits die hard, if ever.

I would not answer the phone for awhile and perhaps write her a simple letter outlining your bounderies and the reasons for these bounderies, no accusations, no
comprimises, just the facts...

I have found that my mom does better with a letter, she can reread it, and she tends to absorb more.

Just my thoughts,

Wascally Wabbit

Hi Rozied.

What would happen if you didn't answer the phone?

It seems like, at least from my end, that she is trying to take control of a situation that's not hers to have. Stand your ground firmly and stay strong in your convictions, your recovery and your serenity. Refuse to be manipulated into doing things you do not want to do.
I hope it gets better for you soon Rozied. Keep us updated, okay?

marle

Rozied, Some people thrive on drama. Sounds like maybe your mom might like a bit of it. You can stay out of it. Why not be the one to end the conversation when the subject of AS comes up. I know she is your mom, but she is not respecting your boundaries or even herself. Hugs, Marle

Lobo

Rozied, Sometimes our parents think they are helping us and doing what they think is right. It's just like us the way we do for our kids, and think we are doing the right thing. Maybe instead of a phone conversation, you need to have a face to face conversation with her so she can hear you and understand you better. Invite her over for lunch or go to her place and visit and tell her you really need to have a heart to heart talk with her. Tell her you know she means well, but the professional people are telling you that what she is doing for him is hurting him and hurting you.
Just maybe you could find a middle ground, something that would work for all involved.
Just trying to help out, hon.

Keeping you and your son in prayer.............Lo

Elana

I know how hard this is.. your parents are elderly and I understand you want to talk to them and are sort of afraid to not answer the phone.

I think I would just keep taking the subject away from your son when she brings it up. You can try a letter.. but if you are like me you best write it about 12 times before you get a final copy to send!

You won't change them and at their age they won't change either. I know.. My parents are elderly too. I love them to death, but there is no changing them!

((((Diane))))

caileesnana

I tell my parents & sister it's too painful and I won't talk about her...then change the subject. After half a million times they got the hint!

rozied

Your input & thoughts on the problem r very much apprciated. You r right this has ben going on for so long & my mom does seem to thrive on drama. I 'm not trying to change them, at 87 I know thats not happening. All I want is for my parents is peace, peace to enjoy whatever time they have left.
Th next time I speak to her I am going to tell her not to talk to my AS or anyone he has call on his behalf, I will tell her not even to listen, just hang the phone up.
This has all been too much for me As my hubby has told me if they want to be involved theres nothing we can do. I am just so tired.
Love,
Diane