laketime

As Had His Court Date Today. A Domestic Violence Charge Filed By 15 Yr Old Agf, And A Drug Paraphanelia Charge. We Didn't Go. He Came To My Office To Ask Me To Unlock The House So He Could Put His Suit Back Up. He Told Me About Him Pleading Not Guilty And The Judge Telling Him To Get Him A Lawyer By June 7th. He Said He Had To Get A Job. He Said He Couldnt Afford A Lawyer. I Said I Thought The Court Would Have To Provide One, (does Anyone Know If This Is Correct). What He Really Wanted Me To Do Is Call My Lawyer And Handle This Thing. He Just Didnt Have A Chance To Get That Far, Because I Started Talking To Him About His Plans For Recovery. He Didnt Have One Except For "i Just Won't Do Drugsever Again". I Said Justin You Havent Been Able To Quit On Your Own Before, Why This Time. So I Made My Same Old Offer, Ill Pay For The First Month Of A Halway. Ill Help You Out Of This Mess Your In, Etc He Said But What About Agf. I Said The One Who Put You In Jail?. He Said Shes Not Going To Press Charges. He Said I Love Her, I Can't Just Leave Her. So Long Story Short I Gave Him The Number To The County Court House And Wished Him Good Luck. Hes An Addict, Shes An Addict, Theres No Way For Him To Get Clean Around Her! He Wont Leave Her,drugs, Etc Whatever The Attraction Really Is. So I Cant Help. Its A Stupid Stupid Cycle That Never Ends. I Told Him I Loved Him Before He Left, To Go Stay Who Knows Where. His Addicted Mind Just Won't Let Him Make The Right Decision. He Just Finished A 10 Day Jail Stint. How Tuough Do You Have To Makie It On Yourself Before You Realize, Hey My Life Sucks And It Really Dose'nt Have To, Im (drugs) Causing All This S**t To Happen. He Can't Grasp The Concept Of The Sacrifices He Has To Make (drugs And Her) To Get His Life Back. Hes Been Through Rehab And Counseling And Meetings, I Know He Has The Tools, I Just Wonder Where They Are. So, I Have But One Choice, Let Go And Let God. And Today Its Just Awful.

cinderellawkids

Im sorry . I know it hurts. Sadly they have to learn on their own. My AH has no power where hes at because he spent the money on drugs, yet he believes even though he's never done it before on his own that he can now and that his AB, this time can too and will help him. At 25 and 27 we all have hope, but ahve to leave them to it and hope the fact they went week without eating but found a way to drink will atleast motivate them a little bit.

As far as a court appointed attorney, he has to ask for one and fill out a financial affidavit, if not employed and no property, I dont know why he couldnt, besides if he said he'd get his own. He needs to contact the public defenders office and see how it works in that county.

Sadly his agf doesnt ahve to press charges, its up to the state at this point, not her

kj0975

Boy thats too bad that he just doesnt get it yet. Stay firm with the recovery he knows and has the tools and someday he will get out his "tool" box and start a road to recovery. Too bad its not sooner than later. Love huh I'm not too sure I knew what "real" love was when I was 15 wonder if she does? Hope he gets it real soon for his sake and for your sanity. Time to Let Go and Let God he has a plan just takes a bit to figure it out.

laketime

Thanks

mooselips

Lake,
I use to think...if I could just get them in a room, and knock some sense into them, that would fix it....but, then I came to my senses and realized it's a battle they have to fight on their own.


Here's hoping and praying that this opens up his eyes to recovery, and a better life.
But, it seems as long as Agf is around, nothing may change.

Hugs to you Lake...

marle

Lake, It shows you just how powerful drugs are. Let him make his own decisions. Just tell him that you love him and hope that someday he wants a better life. I am done lecturing to my AD. Just goes around and around in the same circle. She knows there is help, she knows I love her, she knows I can't handle the BS anymore. He is old enough to make his own decisions and suffer the consequences and yes the court has to appoint a public defender if he can't afford one. That is one of our basic rights as citizens. Hugs, Marle

laketime

i thougt a pd was part of the miranda thanks marle

teke

i'm sorry lake, he can't say that you didn't do all you could to help him. he made choices that you chose to honor as being his, so you had no choice but to allow him the chance to handle this on his own. you gave him numbers, the rest is up to him. in my state, as far as i know, if you can't afford an attorney, the court will appoint you one. still praying for you and your family

Wascally Wabbit

lake, you're standing pretty strong! and this is right up front too, from the first (?) time he's been arrested.
I think our enabling only prolongs their unwillingness to recover.

Louise54

I know it's hard, but it's good your standing your ground. Your right, as long as he stays with the agf, it will be the whole vicious cycle over again. I'm thinking that 10 days without the drugs isn't long enough to come to their senses. My as was clean for 2 months once, and was as long as he could hold out. Good luck and I will be praying for you. It really does stink, doesn't it?

Serenity_Seeker

Stay strong...that is the best way to help him! ;o)

I would think, all courts, pretty well, run the same way.

I have never heard a judge just say"Get yourself an attorney".

It surprises me that your son has pled...without an attorney. In court proceedings I have attended...the judge may ask if you would like time, to get an attorney...but never have I heard a judge accept a plea, that did not involve an attorney???

Everyone is entitled to representation. He will be asked if he has an attorney...if not, one will be appointed. The papers will be filled out, I would say, at his next court appearance...there is generally about 15 mins. designated, for this purpose!

May be some "quacking" going on, here! He may be thinking a "real" lawyer, that someone else pays, will get him better results.

I found that the best thing I could do for my son...was to stay out of the way....and God saw to it that my son got....just what he needed!

He is, now 1 1/2 years clean, works everyday; still has times of stinkin' thinkin'; but he is alive and clean!

Good luck and I will include your son in my prayers!

caileesnana

I admire your strength in such a tough situation. I pray for you and your son.

Lobo

Lake, So sorry your son wants to stay stuck for now. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Just maybe he'll do some thinking. Where are the parents of this 15 yr. old girl? She is a minor.....aren't they responsible for her. If they can't handle her, she should be in the custody of someone. If she was maybe they could keep her away from your son, and that would help both of them. I know when they are 18 you can't do anything, but 15 someone needs to be responsible.
Sounds like you are doing the tough love thing and that is so hard to do. Some day he'll respect you for it.
Hang in there....................Lo

hope213

it is hard for us to let go & let god but that is how i get my serenity, facing the fact i can not do it.i am sorry all of this is happening to your son.as far as a lawyer i believe every where in the usa appoints u a lawyer, he probley gave that right up. my a.s. has done that knowing he can not afford one. sending prayings for you both.

CatsPajamas

I remember those days... I stuck firmly to my boundaries when speaking to my son, and then afterwards I called recovery friends and sobbed, second guessing myself over and over. Fortunately, I had friends with strong recovery who reassured me I was doing the best thing for myself AND my son.

He's a resourceful young man, given the right incentive. Avoiding jail was incentive enough, and he got himself a lawyer.

I hope your son figures it out, too!

BigSis

Lake... I am guessing he thought YOU would pay for a lawyer. If you don't, then HE can request one. Good job on not caving in. (((hugs)))

What I know today is "time takes time". It is hell to wait it out, but that is partly why I go to Alanon. During the "wait", I need my life to not be "on hold" but to actually LIVE it. Because I have NO idea how long that wait might be.

(((Laketime))))