finallyout

wow palm thats sounds cool too, i'm just a little ole admin asst for landscaping/nursery co. - pretty lame most of the time!

Live

,,,,I re-scheduled my day too.

My husband spent two years dating me, modeling for me, teaching me and earning my complete and intimate trust. One of the most precious gifts and developments in my life. United as one in marriage it is inconceivable that either of us would harm the best thing we have created and built together. We protect our intimacy as sanctified and sacred.

What has gone before, our knowledge of the opposite, lets us truly appreciate and cherish what we have now.

Thank you for this thread, I find it amazing, helpful, full of intelligence, friendship and wisdom.

Live

finallyout

anvil- i agree with the "comfort zone" thinking, i'm the same way, theres lots of things that interest me and that i think i would like as a "career" but this is what i'm good at and used to, so here i stay. although, i think my supervisor just hinted to me that one of the women here (a billing position, higher than me) might be getting fired and that i should "learn her whole job asap" so i guess maybe i'm getting her job. unfortunately is NOT the position i wanted! oh well, got to start somewhere right?

Live

I have dropped out of the professional world and haven't regretted it at all. I can always go back in should I choose. And there are many reasons it would seem to make sense to do so.....$$$$$$$........but it has become to me like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Live

Laughing myself silly!

Sorry I missed this, but where are you going for vacation? What is it you like to do there?

Live

YAY for you!

finallyout

anvil that sounds like a lot of fun, alot of driving though. man, i need a vacation too!

kj0975

Hey Palm there are alot of members in TX on this site u should get a hold of Loves and visit. I would love to meet her she seems like so much fun. I would love to meet mostly everyone on this site. We all click and seems like we've known each other for a long time. I wish I could afford to go visit. I do need to get together with Helpus she lives close to me and seems like alot of fun too.

Well not to bad at the mechanic today I can still sit down so pretty good. I wasnt taken too bad. My car feel apart right after he put the inspection sticker on lol. The rearview mirrow fell off the check engine light came on the oil light came on and its spitting and sputtering. The important part is I got my inspection done and have to bring in back tomorrow he would only inspect if it I paid in advance for work that needed to be done. Thats the bend over and grab your ankles type of deal.

Jewelz I hate those dreams I have woken up just furious with Scott. He has really bad dreams a few weeks ago he dreampt that the floor was falling out from below us. I was woken by him standing on the bed trying to balance it so it wouldnt fall and grabbing my shirt and trying to drag me to safety Talk about having to sleep with one eye open YIKES.

finallyout

kj, glad things went ok with mechanic. my check engine lights been on for like a year and no one can figure it out, luckily they got it go out long enuf to pass emissions but it was back on by the time i left the mechanic!! oh well, at least i don't have a car payment anymore. it may be ugly but at least its paid for.

finallyout

hey blues, i sent ya my myspace, if anyone else out there wants to be my "friend" on myspace let me know - i don't have any yet - does that sound pathetic or what??

cinderellawkids

Droping in to say Hi. Been busy not being busy. Its great. Feel good and peaceful. Volunteered at 9 year olds end of the year party. Designing how I want my back patio and planning a waterfall and pond. No money, but I can dream right, at least its all planned out

finallyout

oh goody, i will have some friends on myspace, that just made my day - i know it only takes the small things to make me happy. so anyway feeling a little crappy tonite, not sure why, just a bad mood i guess. got to thinking alot about forgiveness tonight. lets just play along with my ah for a moment and assume he's really serious about recovery this time, so i start thinking ok, in a few months he proves himself to me etc etc, i should stand by my promise to him that "if you stay clean and get help - you get your family back" - but honestly that scares me, i know i have plenty of time to decide but i keep thinking how could i ever go back to him clean or not if i can't forgive him or all that he did to me. how do you forgive someone who hurt you so badly over and over. someone once told me that forgiveness is a choice - not an emotion, but i can't even see myself choosing to forgive him for leaving me standing in the driveway crying, begging him not to go and then leaving me in a cloud of dust as he drove off, or leaving me in the hospital after my surgery to go get high, or getting high on the day of his son's second b-day party and never bringing the balloons and ice home like he was supposed to - oh theres so many more, as i am sure you all have your stories too, but have any of you thought about forgiveness? is it just a matter of time and healing? i guess i'm just tired and rambling again - better get to bed before the tears start. talk to you all tommorrow. oh and cinder, the back patio idea sounds awesome, i always wanted a waterfall too.

cinderellawkids

Finally sometimes too much damage has been done to ever go back. Focus on yourself and the answers will come to you

kj0975

Well had a bz night tonight and read some thread here that upset me some people are close minded I think personally and when u try to tell them that what their doing is probably the wrong thing for their child they disagree which is life. I dont think u should remind your child daily that their dad is a drug addict and wont be around and do nothing but educate a 4yr old about drugs and his daddy. I dont agree. I think we all saw that thread frustrates me that trying to brainwash a kid that daddy is bad cause he is an addict and such. Teach your kid some life long skill that will help him get his esteem up baseball soccor basketball get them in activities and yes talk to them about drugs and the outcome and such but not at 3-4yrs old just seems selfish to me to do that to a child that really loves the other parent and doesnt care what they do just want them to love them. ARGH! I talk to my nieces they have see first hand what drinking and drugs will do to u I mean their mom is in jail missing everything thats going on. They can see what happens plus I talk to them about it alot and really explain on their level on what they can understand and stress its not their fault. THats my take if u guys have read the thread I'm talking about infuriates me.

Well off to bed my niece had a soccor game today and she help score a goal. Good game she has gotten so much better than last year thats for sure. So proud of her she is really a sweet kid til she talks just kidding. So who joined my space I want to be invited. I'm on cinders page so u can invite me from their. I sent anvil on but she still hasnt approved it yet sigh....... Talk to u all later

Jewelz no more bad dreams think positive stuff tonight when u doze off!!! See everyone in the morning.

cinderellawkids

Blues thats not selfish, its called recovery.

finallyout

good morning, i think its a bad sign when work begins to suck as soon as you walk in the door - oh well at least i'm getting paid for this crap. hope everyone has a good day. and kj, i TOTALLY agree with you about the 4yr old being told his dads a drug addict - that is just way to young - i've bent over backwards for years to protect my children from that horrible truth so they could enjoy their childhoods, and love their father without worrying about him, when the time is right and their older then i'll explain it all to them - but not at 4 - come on!!

Live

anvil,

I always get a little wiggy before a vacation....like I need to put everything in order as if I might not come back. (About the only time I actually have things in order!)

Blues,
I limit myself to just a few threads, things that don't bring back head-spinning. I try to stay out of my head and just live. Today is a brand new day.

I am still babying my back....since I am working part time on a flexible schedule I don't see the sense of working 4 hours, throwing out my back and turning what I just made over to the chiropractor and the gas tank. I am fantasizing about digging into that guest room that has become a storage room. We don't need a guest room...so out goes the bed, but I can't get to it without clearing out a bunch of stuff. Rolls of carpet, tools, you name it.
We had a rental storage unit but cancelled it....what to do with all that stuff.
Plus husband's mother just passed and we brought home a carload of stuff.
I look in that room and think....quick, close the door!
So...I play a game with myself...a couple of them actually.....in one I time myself so that I realize that usually I have spent more time worrying about it than it takes to do it. In the other I say 15 things...like with putting away laundry...and by the time I get to 15 I am engaged in it enough to just keep going. Sure signs of a procrastinator, eh? LOL

kj0975

Anvil sorry about the no sleep and the brain not shutting off. I hate that. I could lay there all night worry about bills and such like what can I do at 330am about it but I still worry. I call it the "committee" talking when my brain starts doing that. Everything just starts coming and I cant stop it. I find if I really focus on like counting backward from 100 it stops my brain from running and focuses on the counting. I usually get to 67 and start to doze off. It really works try it.

Live I am one of the BIGGEST procrastinators around I dont know why I just am and really if I would just get to it it would be done in about 1hr or maybe less. Still I dont feel like doing it so I will sit on it til it becomes totally out of hand.

I have decided to wait to take the car to the mechanic and do it tomorrow procrastination AGAIN just go get it done.

cinderellawkids

Checking in, my brain doesnt shut off either these days. I hate it and am so tired.

This migraine n dizziness still bugging me. Ugghh. I wish it would just slam me hard already so I could get on with my routine

kj0975

Boy I understand that feeling anvil and I must admit I dont miss it very much. I am the same way I rush and rush to get everything done and when I think I'm finished a new batch of work shows up. I cant win.

I am feeling sorry for myself today I'm having my little own pity party. Sorry ladies I cant invite u cause its just a party of one. I just feel overwhelmed with not working and Scotts been miserable lately (do men have a time of month) I just feel I give so much of myself and make sure everyone else around me is happy that I forget about my own happiness. Then it all builds up and boom have my own party of one (pity). I hate this feeling I hate the feeling of being overwhelmed I hate the feeling that no matter how hard I try things just dont seem to work out. I dont know I hope I snap out of it soon.

Well its a beautiful day outside and the sun is shinning everything seems perfect I wish I felt well enough to enjoy it. Maybe if I force myself for a bit I will turn my attitude around and really enjoy the day!