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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Part 10

Old 05-21-2007, 08:37 AM
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live, thanks i didn't realize that ft. myers and daytona were so far apart, but it would be kind of an adventure wouldn't it? i'm might just do it. i'm guessing daytona's near the beach so i definately have to check that out. well see, maybe if i can scrimp and save i can do it.
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Old 05-21-2007, 08:41 AM
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jewelz, i read your post to teach and i understand where you are at with this i think, i didn't want to post this there, for some to the reasons i read from others.

when i first posted this thread, i had in mind that i go through so much stuff and a lot of the time it take me maybe a little longer to get it than some of the others,and it is very uncomfortable for me to continue to talk about the same thing in one post, seems like as soon as they say it, i'm suppose to get it and began to do what they say i should, and if i just don't get it, i would only be doing what someone else thinks that i should be doing and not what i think i should be doing.

i've had that problem with friends, those who judge you and think you are crazy or wanting someone to feel sorry for me, or that i really don't want to get better, but its just not the case with me. the life i'm tring to find now is so forein to me and sometimes i just don't get it and i'm get embarrased when i don't and i feel like i should know better. the last thing i want to do is worry someone with whats going on with me when there is so many others suffering. makes it kind of hard to get what i need out of it if it means that i have to figure out my life on my own when i don't know what its even suppose to look like to make it look healthy to me. now i know that this can't make much sense. just thinking out loud i guess
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Old 05-21-2007, 08:52 AM
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Ft Myers is 5 to 6 hours from Daytona depending on Orlando and Tampa traffic.

Livewyred, I love Vero. The beach is beautiful, Im trying to get the gas money and the guts to take off down there for a weekend.

Yes Finally, Daytona is on the beach. I love the resort the convention is at, iM hoping with a convention badge I can steal time on their pool deck. LOL

Let me know if you can scrimp to come down sometime. Im sure the kids would love to play. Ft Myers is beautiful too, I just hate the drive
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Old 05-21-2007, 08:53 AM
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oh yeah, my point of talking it out here WAS so that noone would have to feel like i do at times, i want to listen as long as i have to, cause sometimes when people are hurting, it takes a little extra effort a little extra measure of patience for that person to finally hear enough for them to get some relief.

same goes with addicts, they don't all ways get what we say, it just don't register, but when they finally go to rehab and start meetings and counseling, there is someone there that they can go through the same thing for as long as they have to to get it out and began to feel better. i'm just the one who is willing to listen, i just want to be there and i know this is part of what has happened with my ah. i guess this has to be codependancy in it highest form. trying to get better but i've been this way for a long time, and i may not get it as fast as those who has recently developed this kind of desire. i'm just a sucker for a hearting heart and i am doing the best i know how to get better, but the amount of people hurting outweight the amount of support that i may be getting in order for me to grow away from all of this
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Old 05-21-2007, 08:58 AM
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thanks live, i'm tring to do the floor thing and it does help for me to sleep on the floor sometimes. no heat, HUH? ok

i'm so glad that you joined us live, like i said before, you bring so much wisdom and experience
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Old 05-21-2007, 08:59 AM
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ahhh, Teke. Hugs. It is so natural, normal and human to have to go over and re-work things over and over again. Even after I separated I still spent two years reading books and trying to figure out what had happened and sometimes I still pick up some of those books. And I am still involved in understanding the truth of those years. It's not rational and we try to make rational sense of things. One of the hallmarks of these kinds of situations is confusion. You are not Dr Spock, the one from Star Trek, who process info and that is that. None of us are.

Can I challenge you to take a step of faith and believe that you can and will work things out your own way and in your own time and that is the only way it will ever work? And that we are not here to judge. Life is a path and every step of the journey, even the banana slip-falls have meaning. We learn a little something from everything.

hugs!
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Old 05-21-2007, 08:59 AM
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teke, i totally understand what you mean about taking longer than others sometimes to "get it", i feel the same way too. i think we all worry a little about who out there is judging us when we post here, but ya know what, it IS an anonymus (sp) board and who cares if theres a few who don't agree, we all have different opinions and perspectives and each of our situations is unique. Thats what makes this really wonderful, at least in my opinion. i get so much out of hearing everyones take on things, even if i don't agree, it doesn't mean that that person is wrong, they just see things differently. I think if everyone could embrace the diversity here and hear people out without judging then maybe no one would feel "weird" or "embarassed" to post here. I think when dealing with addiction, there is no "right" or "wrong" way to handle it. You do what you feel is right for you at the time. One of the reasons I stopped going to Alanon years ago was because they seemed so pushy about having to leave my husband, i wasn't ready for that and at the time he wasn't even all that bad, but it was the "our way or no way" attitude that made me stop. But now, years later, i started going again, found a group that is much for welcoming and open and of course i found SR. I think sometimes we just have to remember that whats right for one person, is not right for another and thats OK, we should still stick together and keep supporting each other. Just my thoughts, i'm done rambling, back to work, yuck.
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:21 AM
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You know its so hard when your trying to work things out and come to post and someone just comes and knocks you down. That happened the last time I made a thread, I mean a real thread when I was pouring my heart out. I just cried to be honest, cried for their response, cried that I was able to give them that power to hurt me. I went ahead and did a PM to that person basically telling them off, I read it over and then decided its just not worth it, the person wasn't worth. But it hurts that I can't be completely open at SR anymore. I actually feel safe here on this thread but to actually post my own thread I just cant and I miss it.

I am still with my abf, I feel like I am going through the jungle and I have a compass but the jungle is really big so it will take a while for me to get through it but I will but at my own time.
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:24 AM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post

teke, remember, they're gonna do what they're gonna do.......period. your AH has pretty much been able to blow off responsibility all his adult life, why should he change now? he can still run to mommy for pete's sake......i'd say at least right now....that dog don't hunt, know what i mean? you don't need to rush to any decisions today......
see, it took me all of this time to figure out what this was saying. i think what you said was that he's been doing this same thing all of his adult life in one way or another, and he's still able to run back to mama if that don't work, and you're saying that for now, he's not doing anything thats gonna work for his good. right or wrong?
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:30 AM
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well jewelz, i think that i'm not getting hurt like i did at first, i have to keep telling myself that its only an opinion and we all have different ones at times. but what happens with me is when i have to feel like i don't get it and maybe need to do a little cross talking like that say at the meetings, my insecurities began to surface and i began to feel like a dummy for not getting what i need even though it is being given. that makes sense.

for the longest, i felt like everything that came out of my mouth or everything that i did just did make sense to do or say. i'm trying to learn and sometimes post anyway.
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:38 AM
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Teke, right.

Jewelz. I agree this is the safe place. Sometimes we just need to talk it out, that way we dont react and keep going back and forth literrally, but just in our heads. Your doing good. I learned before, never leave unless your sure you can stick with it a while, otherwise your only prolonging everyones agony
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:39 AM
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headache hasnt come back, had chocolate cake and on my way to Garrett's school for his party
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:45 AM
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Hey all you with myspace, go to loves profile, click on her daughter and you see her daughter with the pug puppy on her belly

everyone else, get myspace
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:46 AM
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have fun at the party cindi!
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:48 AM
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Thanks Jewelz, I hope I found a bunch of crazy loud Kindergardeners, having ice cream fun and relaxing for a lunch hour
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:51 AM
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Originally Posted by cinderellawkids View Post
Teke, right.

Jewelz. I agree this is the safe place. Sometimes we just need to talk it out, that way we dont react and keep going back and forth literrally, but just in our heads. Your doing good. I learned before, never leave unless your sure you can stick with it a while, otherwise your only prolonging everyones agony
i agree with you cinder, jewelz, you'll know if it ever get to the place that it hurts more to stay than to go. that still don't mean that it won't hurt like crazy when the go and you know that it was time for them to go.

as hard of a time as i seem to be having right now, i KNOW that i'm better off with him gone, and as bad as i hate it, i just can't live with my ah the way he is, i don't want to. apart of me say to just call him up and let him come home, do what he wants but i know that i would only put him out again in a few hrs and hate him all while hes here or wished that i could just knock him off. not really though, i have a hard time trying to kill a bug. thought i'd better clear that up, real quick.
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:53 AM
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oh yeah, i think i'm safe here too.
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Old 05-21-2007, 09:58 AM
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I have been very hurt sometimes by others' comments to me. That's why I only really post in the loonie bin with some folks who have known me for a long time and know how messed up I can be. And, gee, sometimes I "get something" for a day or weeks and lose it all again. But there is something very appealing about you all and I thank you for allowing me some new friendships.
The only real permanent lesson I have learned is that I will be treated with respect.
From that I have to learn to always respect others. And I have found that compassion and empathy goes so much further than lectures etc.
I did have to have some people tell me some rather direct and to me shocking things when I first joined but they were said in a way that I knew was helpful and caring.
I had my head so far up my arse somebody had to pull it out! LOL
Sometimes it still slips up there and I get in a world of sh1t. But I am grateful for those who have enough confidence in me and respect to let me whine, stink, run in circles and know that it is part of me finding my way.
If we can laugh at ourselves and joke with each other, even better!

I want to clarify...I had to leave my relationship, there was no other way...there are many on these boards who maintain theirs for very good reasons and are doing just fine. It would have hurt them to leave. There is no one answer, every situation is unique. There are common tools, but all solutions are individual....and life changes, so what is right for today may be different next month.

Now a good dog that hunts picks up a scent and does his job. He also understands "sic 'em" LOL j/k

Cinderella....have you tried the Patio Restaurant? WOW! Between 4 and 6 they serve a first class 3 course meal at a low, low price...and the architecture of the place and the ambience is magical. I doubt that the neat little place we used to stay, inexpensive suite right across from the beach is still there....hurricanes probably took it.
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Old 05-21-2007, 10:12 AM
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gosh live, have you paid any attention to how long you've been around, its an honor to better get to know you. here for me, it kind of beginnning to feel like sisterhood and brothers
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Old 05-21-2007, 10:36 AM
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well almost time to take child#2 to the doctor for some hearing tests and i think we need to discuss his anger issues. this should be interesting. be back later this afternoon.
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