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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Part 10

Old 05-20-2007, 06:53 PM
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havent been around much today .......busy weekend just wanted to say..........good for you cindi glad you like your "new" hair and glad that your feeling better

Teke hang in there .........thinking oof you
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Old 05-20-2007, 07:00 PM
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Hope things went well liesagain
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Old 05-20-2007, 07:02 PM
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Just wanted to pop in to say hello to everyone.
Haven't had much of a chance to post lately, but I have been lurking around a bit when I have the chance. Between being sick, two sick kids, and trying to put the pieces of my RAH back together I really haven't had much time for anything.

Hope everyone is doing good.
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Old 05-20-2007, 07:15 PM
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Redheads ROCK!!! Well hitting the hay early tonight just not feeling well just BLAH I think I am just getting depressed about the whole job thing. Still upsets me some but it happened for a reason just waiting to find out what it is thats all. Hope tomorrow the sun comes out (natures prozac) and hopefully will feel a tad more up. Talk to everyone in the morning.

Anvil way to go on fighting the urge to use and get those stupid thoughts out of your head!!! (hugs).

Teke did u go with "man" this weekend or get out and play some pool? I think it would really help take your mind off of things for a bit at least it helps me. Time thats all Time!!!
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Old 05-20-2007, 07:31 PM
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Any one who wants to work out their stress by doing my laundry is more than welcome. I will fix you the home made meal of your choice or grovel or whatever is required. I have no idea what if anything I have clean to wear to work tomorrow.
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Old 05-20-2007, 07:59 PM
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Kj I hope you get sun. If not try to stay in glow of warm light and do quickly 10 jumping jacks, my counselor swares it helps with depression, and theres been days Ive agreed with her and days I think she needs her head examined.

Teke, I hope your feeling better. Blues breath and hang in there.

Goodnight everyone, this day has drained me so
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Old 05-20-2007, 08:29 PM
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Jumping jacks huh not with these knees!!! lol.

Live funny I was thinking about u the other day wondering how u were doing I hope great. Whats new whats going on? Hows the husband tell me more. lol I never really talked to u but followed your thread and your LLLLOOOONNNNG journey off benzos still doing good?
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Old 05-20-2007, 08:53 PM
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well, i'm still here, still feeling like giving up, no i didn't go out this wkend, there is drinking at the pool place and the way i feel, i don't think going there tonite would be good for me. not that i feel that i would get drunk but i don't feel like resisting that either, so i'll stay at home tonite.

cinder, hope we get to see pics of the red hair soon. glad you like it, i always like to make changes in me and the way i look, makes me feel better about me at times. today i just didn't feel like doing anything, i have been in a lot of physical pain today so i just kept trying to sleep it off.

blues i hope you began to feel better about the job, it may work out better than you thought.

live glad you dropped in, i think the wisdom you share is awesome. i sure wished i could see what the future would hold for me. seems like its been a lifetime for me believing that each yrs will hold something better concerning this situation with my ah.

will somebody please explain to me how it is that i could have believed that things would change for so long. i didn't even realize that i've been waiting this long, i mean i know the yrs i've been in this same situation but i just didn't realize that i was waiting. what is wrong with my thinking. its all been a norm for me and i think its sad.

concerned, i'm still praying for you and your rah, i sure hope that he can continue down the recovery road. let him know that we are cheering him on.

kj, i hope you are feeling better and anvil, i'm so proud of the way you and hank can work through those times.

somebody tell me why my ah has to continue using even though he knows that hes hurting everyone around him. well just asking stuff that i really don't think that anyone has answers to.

i wished that i was a genie, i'd twitch addiction out of the vocabulary, out of existance. it would no longer be such thing, and i'd live happily ever after.

Last edited by teke; 05-20-2007 at 09:20 PM.
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:18 PM
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Teke,
Don't beat yourself up sweetie. Perhaps you waited so long because you have a big heart and you didn't want to give up hope. Maybe because you recovered you hoped that he would see the change and he too would recover.

I don't know what else to say, you are a strong woman Teke and you've been through alot. Take all the time that you need to figure out your next step, and please know that we're all here right beside you every step of the way. Cheering you on and praying for you.
Love,
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:30 PM
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thanks concerned, i needed to hear that. maybe i am beating myself up, sometimes i feel like just crawling into a hole or something. i think because he knows that i felt like what you said, he just kept playing on that. i have noone to blame but myself. seems like i should have known better, after all this is my second marriage, and it didn't take me this long to figure that one out, and to think i love him more in a different way, but i would have called that more in love that this. i don't know why i kept hangin on so long. maybe i convinced myself that ah didn't know any better and i thought that i didn't want to hurt him, not realizing that i was putting him before me and what was best for me.

i watched my first husband dwindle down to a shell after our divorce and i knew that he never really got over our break, he carried that to his grave and i blamed myself, even though we divorce because of his infidelities. i promised myself that i wouldn't do that to this husband and look where that promise has led me. i guess i may be feeling a little sorry for myself too here. hope i can snap out of this feeling soon. i feel stuck and i don't know what to do about it. i feel so unappreciated. oh well
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:43 PM
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kj0975

Thanks for asking. I piggy-back on Shutterbug's journal down in mental health.
I just got a new "me" haircut too. LOL

Hope all you ladies wake up to sunshine in the sky and in your hearts in the morning.!
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:46 PM
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Teke, I too sometimes try to convince myself that RAH just doesn't know any better. Sadly, deep down I know that he does.
To avoid hurting him how much of yourself have you sacrificed? It's time to take your life back Teke, stop worrying about hurting him and start living for YOU. You are so worth it. You deserve much better.
I understand the feeling sorry for yourself too, been there A LOT. My grandma always tells me it's ok to feel sorry for yourself once in awhile, as long as you don't stay there to long because it'll eat at you.
Maybe you aren't really stuck at all. Maybe you know deep down what you want/need to do next... but you're afraid of the outcome? I know, for myself, whenever I felt stuck it wasn't because I didn't know what move to make... it was the fear of making that move that kept me stuck. Perhaps, play out that fear in your head and all the different ways that you can get past it.
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:46 PM
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BTW.....I first came to this site because I was wrapped up in and being destroyed by the love of my life...an aloholic and abusive man that I just couldn't leave for more than 2 weeks.
In the end what I had to do was come here and count sobriety days of no contact.
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Old 05-21-2007, 04:44 AM
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Who ever invited getting up and going to work? I dont like it. I want to crawl back in bed. I was very restless all night, I hate that and then I remembered I promised my 6 year old Id come to his school party today at lunch.

Hey a kids woke up sick, we'll see what the day brings.
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Old 05-21-2007, 04:55 AM
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concerned, i've sacrificed half of my life trying not to hurt him, he has no compassion. i think the wkends are worse. i feel just a tad bit different this morning. this is the hard part.

live, i never thought about counting sobriety days, but i went back to see what day it was that he relapsed and left and found that its only been less than a month. thats not long at all considering the past.

cinder, i'm sorry that you didn't sleep well, maybe too much slip and slide, you think?

i thought about calling his mom just to see what she has to say, don't know what that would do or if i really want to do that. i thought about going by his job too, but i know i won't do that, i don't think. well just trying to work through these feelings. this is the part i hate. to have to work through all of these emotions everytime he leaves and then as soon as i'm ok, here he comes
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Old 05-21-2007, 05:01 AM
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Teke, try to focus on something else that has nothing to do with him. Thats the best way to get through it. Can you rearrange your aquarium? the aquascaping on the inside? Play with all the puppies?

Well son wants to go to school, darn
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Old 05-21-2007, 05:46 AM
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Kid wants to go to his icce cream party so no getting out of work for him, darn...the one day I wanted it. LOL
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Old 05-21-2007, 06:27 AM
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Morning everyone well the sun is out here I got all the curtains pulled back the radio on and hoping to be in a good mood today. Really not much to do though I did it all yesterday. Well I do have laundry to put away yuck dont wanna I dont have enough room for all the clothes. I guess I can lug all my work clothes to the spare closet strorage place upstairs and then I might have some room. I need to stop going shopping everytime I dont want to do laundry
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Old 05-21-2007, 06:45 AM
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Im at work and feling dizzie and nautious. Think its a warning a duzy of a migraine is coming, but cant do much about here, hope it doesnt mess me up so bad I cant leave (Yes thats happened, alot actually)

Trying to think positive
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Old 05-21-2007, 06:51 AM
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well i'm ashame to say but i did talk to his mom, she saw him thursday, she says that he continued to say that he hated being there while he was there and she thinks that he's just out doing his thing, now what does that mean?
she admitts that she wants to continue to enable so what can you say. she thinks when he's not doing the right things then he avoids her too. i guess we know that he's still working and hopefully childsupport will catch up with him soon
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