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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Part 10

Old 05-25-2007, 02:31 PM
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Blues, Im wishing I had nothing to do, Im trying not to think about being broke with no light in sight. I feel the desire to isolate and stay in my little world, but I know that is the worse thing to do. Im surprised and glad my sis and her bo are gonna be at the beach. They are goth and hate sun, but the bigger boys ahve spent last few days with them and its really good for them
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Old 05-25-2007, 02:35 PM
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I hate this low feeling I getting. I know it will pass. I just keep telling myself that it will pass. It has to pass. I have to keep busy to get through it
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Old 05-25-2007, 05:59 PM
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hi everybody,

thanks so much for all the kind words and advice - cinder i did exactly what you said and told dcfs that i would be happy to take the lil guys if something is wrong - i just want them to go through the right channels so i can get help here - i hope things will be ok though...

i was on the phone with dcfs today (after hearing nothing for a couple of days) - my mom went to the house and they were there - kids were ok, dirty, tshirts and no shoes, groceries in the doorway - today, i called jen and jeff's cell phone - jeff answered and i asked if there was an address i could send the kids clothes to - he said the address they were at - i told him i thought house was condemned and they were moving to a hotel - he said no and then just started bsing - he called back to say that i should mail the stuff to my mom and she could bring it to them - i said my mom doesn't know where you live - you lie about everything - called him a couple of names and got off the phone - called dcfs and told them i hadn't heard back from anyone and got a call back from dcfs pretty quick dcfs had an investigator going over to the hosue right away before anyone could leave - they called my mom and called me - i said i'd be happy to take the kids if need be and if anything happens - they said they'd call - it's been 8 hours and no call - at least the kids have one more avenue looking out for them...

so that's my thoughts - i hope teke is ok - i hope you have great weekends - at the beach, in pa, in wisconsin, in your room , and i hope everyone is feeling ok - i know i am - i have done the best that i can and with that im at peace...

love,
s
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Old 05-25-2007, 06:22 PM
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Cinders,

Sounds like near exhaustion to me!
You maintain a full time job.
Raise children. Another full time job.
You are re-structuring your life. Another full time job.
You have been ill with chronic severe headaches. Full time stress and strain.
WOW!
You are strong!
I saw that you simplify by setting aside evenings, and it struck me as nice.

I did my simple chores.
I am learning so much from this thread.

Has Kj been missing too?
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Old 05-25-2007, 06:25 PM
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Amen, Itiswhatitis!
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Old 05-25-2007, 07:53 PM
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Glad to hear from you anvil. And you too itis. If anything went wrong with dcf youd here from your sister or mom right?

I think, every place is different, but if they took them theres a process where they check out your home ect, it can take a little time, but they are there looking out for the best interests of the children and would only do so if they saw something that brought severe concern. I wish you all luck and pray for the children.

On another thread theres been lots of talk of kids and what they see, kno w ect. Lil man not quite 3 pointed to my step dads beer tonite and asked "Is dat dugs." Obviously he's over heard things. He quickly accepted my dads answer to no, thats beer. I have 1 sometimes.

Live, thanks for your comment. I needed that and it means alot.

This headache thing is for the birds. Im sick of it. I wanted to vomit by the time I got to my moms tonite it hurt so bad. Came back with a vengence when the imitrex wore off. Didnt have another one. Hope to get a script next week. Took a hydrocodone and was able to have dinner with mom and mom and I went alone to visit a friend, who built me a new computer-YEAH. Got it, went to store and went back for kids. Home now. getting all ready for bed. But think Ill wait to tomorrow to seeet up the new computer, Im beat
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Old 05-26-2007, 06:03 AM
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I am so sick of headaches!!!!
Today nothing helps and I want to go have fun at the pool deck. I cant stand this anymore.
Tried Imittrex nothing, no change. DOnt know what to do
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Old 05-26-2007, 06:04 AM
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Well I hope everyone has a good weekend. Today is a stressful one here. Scotts dad is being buried today and we are meeting the family who didnt even know he existed til the obituary came out. They sent Scott letters introducing themselves but still nerve wracking (sp). There is a picnic that everyone is going to afterwards Scott is already thinking of ways to get out of it well not out of it we are going but if its to weird we will have a back up plan. Dont know what to wear either I know its gonna be very hot dont wanna dress up but dont wanna show up in jeans either. Any ideas? Yesterday it was so hot and we had some running around to do then I just came up put the fan on me and relaxed.
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Old 05-26-2007, 06:06 AM
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Cinder do u have health ins? I would say just go to the ER and get a shot and it will help u so much and it will be gone in 10min. Thats what I do when I know they arent going away. Could be a tension headache or stress. I really feel for u.
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Old 05-26-2007, 06:14 AM
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KJ, WHen I go to funerals I either wear a black dress, I have a few spegetti strap ones or dress plants and a dressy black shirt. Its ALWAYS hot here. I use bring a little jacket along if theres an inside viewing though I always felt it was respectful indoors.

Thanks for the ER idea, I just dont want to put the boys through that today and it still comes back 8 hours later, which after spending 3 to 5 hours in ER doesnt seem fair. (The ER here is students.... they hardly ever know what there doing)
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Old 05-26-2007, 06:19 AM
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Hey who cares if they are students tell them u need a shot in the butt!!!! Thats what I do and usually in and out in about 2hrs not too bad for the relief. They put me in a dark room give me something sit there for a minute then go home with NO headache. ITs usually a nurse that gives u the shot anyways. FYI if u tell them chest pains they take u right in lol.

The funeral was a while ago that I dressed up for this is just a privte burial thats where I am confused on what to wear. I think I am going to wear a pair of dressy capris. Well gotta go look for something to wear. I only got 2 closets.
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Old 05-26-2007, 07:12 AM
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Cinders, Relpax is finally the last scrip I had and one that worked, but still it put me asleep for a couple of hours. I don't know how you are doing it! I used to go hide in a totally dark room and cover my head so there was no sound. And after 3 days I sure would go running to the Dr crying. That was before the Relpax scrip.
Migraines are brutal. I am just plain scared of them.
As you are younger, statistics do show that as we age, I am older than y'all young pretty things, migraines tend to lessen and usually end. If I start getting a persistent headache now, I know I need to go to the chiropractor. Hormones and stress will start one and then the stress and the stress from the pain pulls muscles and bones out of place in my weak spots. When my jaw feels like it is in rigor mortis, it is time to get help.
I try really hard to avoid stress and I am prescribed anti-anxiety medicine.

I am excited for Anvil. I wonder if she is as driven on vacation as she is at work? Nah. Can't be fishing, fishing, fishing and be "strung out", right?

Blues, glad you took yourself and yours for a Friday night date!

KJ, sorry about your day! Was that today or yesterday, I get confused? Must be today. I grinned when I read you have a plan B.

Over the years I have been specializing in escape plans LOL, from a dozen and one ways to say Excuse me to slipping out the back, Jack. LOL

Codieland....where I try not to visit beyond what's presented to me. My friend just keeps getting upset and hurt. But she is a grown successful independent woman and she will do what she is comfortable with. I guess I stir things up a bit by asserting to her that some things that happen and she is dealing with are BS and her feeling are important, just as important as anyone else's. (His, of course)
Hubby is handling him (stepson) well. He won't listen to the griping and moaning and groaning and always hands it back to him as his problem. YAY
The stepson barely speaks to me because I just won't cooperate and go along with the games. Like lying. For him, about him, keeping secrets that shouldn't be secrets, (lies of omission).

Finally, you are quite an inspiration to me! I read what all you do and I feel humbled. And get a better attitude. Thank you. I hope you have tons of fun in PA.

Itis. Peace being sent your way.

I went away since October this last time. Computer was down and I needed to just practice living and get out of my head. I really am thinking about Teke. I hope what I said about cheating didn't hurt her.

I have an appmt today to wash windows and volunteered to take apart the intake grate for a/c and clean it. This lady tickles me, she is sort of like my mom, her house is always perfect, but last time I spent 2 1/2 hours in her kitchen taking the range apart and cleaning with a toothbrush and SOS pad. She says my momma raised me right. I remember growing up thinking that the house was more important to mom than we kids. My client also thinks my home must be hospital perfect all the time...what a joke! But she likes things done the old fashioned way and I do know how to do that from mom and granny, so I will take along newspaper to polish her windows and she will think I am the bomb.
How long has it been since I washed all my windows inside and out? Ever? LOL

Shoot, I am learning the most basic of living skills from you all! Like making the bed regularly and doing up the dishes daily. These are such small things. But I am having to learn to look at these things differently. My problem is my attitude. My hubby is here all the time and I don't think these are my chores anymore than they are his chores. Dating we had our own places and I had a cleaning lady. Since we have been together, most of the time has been living in motels where there is a maid and we eat out, order out or eat frozen. That was part of my abandoned career, re-locating and living out of a motel. So keeping a home together are skills we haven't gotten in sync yet. I am not going to do everything. I just won't. When I discovered how adept my kids were with video games, I decided they could turn the knobs on the washer and dryer. Also as a single career woman, I farmed my laundry out. We were both single for 13 years!
Once upon a time I was a traditional wife, raising children and did it all.
But I want something more equitable now.
Yesterday as I picked at my ongoing task of conquering the laundry problem I found myself picking out my own clothes. Is that mean? It felt like it. But sometimes I am tempted to get mine all in order and leave his to him. And I get mad when I go to work and come home and nothing has been done around here. And I don't like being mad that often.
?????????
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Old 05-26-2007, 07:22 AM
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Chest pains LOL

I discovered a long time ago, that if you talk to them rationally they decide you aren't in that much pain. So I would make an emergency appmt with Dr and sit in the waiting room and quietly cry.
That sounds manipulative, but I call it a survival skill. LOL
It always got me in right away and a shot in the butt.

I never went until I had to....and the Dr would always chew me out for letting it go on so long. Always said they were easier to abort in the beginning....but I didn't have insurance and would try to manage by myself.....until I couldn't.

Today I am better about getting help even tho' I don't have insurance again. But chiropractors aren't so expensive.
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Old 05-26-2007, 07:41 AM
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Live I am with u on the whole cleaning issue. I too have just done my laundry and washed my own dishes. We both had our own places when we started dating. He hired his sister to clean and I did my own. Now he thinks he doesnt have to clean. WOW that was a hard lesson to teach. We are getting there though. Took some TOUGH love to get there. I also get so mad when I get home from work and NOTHING has been done yet he finds it ok to bitch about the dishes well then do them. I dont know sometimes it really peeves me off. I'm usually very laid back. Well gotta get ready to go. Yes always have a plan b
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Old 05-26-2007, 08:18 AM
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KJ, thanks! ALOT! Mine just outwaits me on many of the chores. I have said too many times, if it bothers you DO IT. So mine doesn't gripe. This morning he did say "We need toilet paper." Who is WE? to go buy some? Using those saved up fast food napkins is not bothering me. LOL
Childish, this is all so CHILDISH! Roll eyes and shake head.
Okay, if this is my problems, well, that's golden.
After the divorce I didn't have running water for awhile.
But I never did like the cliche "It could be worse" .....because it could be better.
My daughter doesn't have this issue at all, she and her husband are both 100% involved.
ooooo......I am on the countdown to get ready to go spend the afternoon with J. (client) She works right along. When I did her kitchen last appmt, she dusted. She's 85! Still married. There's health issues. This is my socializing, as well. I learn from everyone I work with! I prefer working with people in their homes rather than in an office. I am allergic to offices work. Square peg in a round hole.
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Old 05-26-2007, 02:03 PM
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Blues,

It is important to me to monitor myself on the computer. There's a fine line here somewhere. But I just got in and I want to sit down.
I don't like my head space and where it went when I came home and that has nothing to do with the computer.

I don't buy that about it being a man thing. I clean houses for 3 men who live alone and their houses are the tidiest and everything is kept up.
I can believe it is a "men who have women at home" thing.

Okay, I didn't do chores before I went to work for those few hours. Also hubby had went back to bed, feeling a bit off. So what right do I have to feel a mood drop and disappointment when I come home and he didn't do any chores before he left. Except to empty the pot of beans and put them in the soaking dishes water I all ready had. And I walked back to the bedroom just to see if he was thoughtful enough to have made the bed. Okay, I accept it is going to take time to inculcate these new standards. That the bed is supposed to be made.
Hey, just noticed he did put away clean dishes. That's how I could wipe off the countertops.

Here is how he thinks: I didn't make a mess/leave a mess.

My discouragement is partly a side effect of where we live, which I wouldn't change.
I washed those floors Tuesday, right? Or so?
Well, we aren't surrounded by concrete. Or even grass. And all this digging, raking and playing in the garden has made a berm of topsoil and leaves. It jumps on you like fleas and comes in the house with you. But the end result is that those floors need washed...again...all ready. Whine.

And just like some other situations, there is the nag in my head about the difference between what he pays lip service too. He says there are no MY CHORES or HIS CHORES. But the actions don't line up.

Thanks for letting me vent here.

Here is the best perspective I have at the moment. It is HUGELY wonderful that he has left and gone to work on the boat. BIG PROGRESS.
Keep it up, baby!

He is disabled and had not been getting out for about 3 months.

But if he were here, he would volunteer, I should have washed the dishes, made the bed etc. when I came home. (Lip service and guilt)

Trying to think longer term. I can make the bed and wash up those dishes and even wash up the floor in a pretty expedient manner and time. First I need to be serious about these things I want kept up enough to model them as what is expected and normal.

Kind of like setting boundaries, first we respect them as ours and then others pick up on it.
Does that make sense? It might help me keep some peace about it for awhile.

I think another way to improve my outlook is the old saw "All work and no play makes Live a dull girl" I need to have some fun to offset this routine I am in.

Changing the rules has discombobulated my serenity.

Don't even think I am done with the laundry.

I am with KJ the other day. I want to run away.
Sigh, the best thing, maybe, would be to go over there and help him.
And then he could help with these chores when we both got home?

Nah.

I need to get a life!
I like going to the nursery. I know I want Mexican Petunias. But, I dunno, shopping? And I don't have the flower bed ready for them yet. It's work I like, but it is still work.

Ever since I joined SR, folks advocate nice bubble baths and candles, treating ourselves. It never sunk in, but I am thinking about using some of the wisdom here.
Though I think after all this moaning, I am going to shower and take a nap. Rest is restorative...that is my story and I am sticking to it.

Then my best bet would be to go to the grocery and get some things for dinner tonight and the next couple of days. I'll pick up toilet paper WHILE I am there.
But it sure never occurs to me driving home from work to stop at the dollar store for toilet paper. When I am done I am only thinking about going home.

I'll make the bed when I get up and wash up the dishes. Ignore the floor and keep up with the "I can conquer the laundry" program.

I am sorry.
My problems are golden, I am just tired.

It's Saturday night. The old girl thinks that Saturday is for going out.

I don't like griping about my husband and used to that was off limits. He doesn't gripe about me. I will meditate on respect when I lay down. I've even decided to shower after.

Blues has been trying to listen to her voice and her body.
So..if mine is saying tired, then give it some rest.

I hope you don't mind me working through this here.

I want to say it is MINOR but it keeps bugging me. That's real. It bugs me.

And, I will call him, check in and see what his plans are. Most things between us work very well. This housekeeping thing is one of the very few places where we don't speak the same language, otherwise communication is very good.

Tomorrow is our "family/together" day. I would really like it if we got out of the house and went and did something.

He will be tired when he gets in, just as I am.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
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Old 05-26-2007, 02:42 PM
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Hi Live, I think you think like I do.
Truthfully girls I hate doctors I hate to go, spend the money and lose money from taking off work. My mom was lecturing me today about taking care of my health more. So I came up with a plan and a promise.

We made it to the pool deck. Kids had a blast. I took two pain pills to cut the edge, wore a big floppy black hate and dark sunglasses. We had a nice time. My mom and I discusssed how I keep going when I shouldnt (the migraines) how dangerous that truly is. See 4 years ago I started getting them like this, never quit. I dealt with them, after a peroiod of time the pain feels normal and the disoriented nautios tingling head feeling is the worst of it. Apparently according to drs your body can go into shock mode. Unfortunately with me that meant I started fainting and blacking out. MRIS showed nothing and they could never get my vitals just after a black out, cause at taht point I went to bed not the drs. They put me on an anti seizure drug that worked great and stopped the migraines completely, went off it when I was pregnant with little man and to counteract that I was on large doses of antianxiety meds.

SInce I change anxiety meds but hadnt had regular long migraine attacks so I just went forward without anything. I know today its time to reevaluate that. Would you believe I forgot to pick up my anxiety meds this week with the headaches? SO now Im dealing with 2 issues SSRI withdrawal and baromettric pressure induced migranes. Fortunately on the way back from the beach I vomited (finally) and now I am starting to feel better. My parents took my middle son. SO I have peace...
At teh pool I spent a little time in a sauna and a jacuzzi so I feel real relaxed and heading abck tomorrow as mom and I declaered that we are on vacation this weekend. I cant eblieve how much better I feel. right now, not perfect but so much head pressure relieved.

Live sorry about your floors, my old house was that way. This place Im so blessed has grass in the yardm, where my last house had nothing but dirt, generally I just do a quick shop vac over everything and am good to go. Well I have to start my laundry and I have about 12 loads so time to take off a bit.

KJ I hope your family funeral wasnt too overwhelming.
Blues, hope your keeping busy with drama free things
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Old 05-26-2007, 04:46 PM
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I jsut wanted to share that my husband called, atleast he says thats who he was... the voive was a clear good tone I truly havent heard in a very long time. He was hyper which usually means he's on a good roll of good behavior. His powers on. Im shocked. He wanted to know what the number was for morg due next week and said getting life together to take care of his son was his only desire. He actually was fine will leaving the money next week with his sister and not seeing me...
He said he loves me and respects my feelings. So I was honest and said its hard cause I still love him. He said I know thats why and I agree we should meet in public only, and when your ready.

Im not getting my hopes up, Ive heard it all before... but I do still have hope that amybe someday he will be okay.

Im also prooud of me. He said hed been drug free 2 months and alcohol free 1 week. I said nothing knowing we split up do to him taking the car and them togehter blowing 1000 in a weekend 7 weeks ago and him admitting 4 weeks ago hed blown the morgage money, but I figure whatever he thinks... we are apart for teh whole thing drugs, alcohol and him acting irresponsibly, the number of days and weeks mean nothing to me only his pattern of life. But truly Im happy for him that today he's clean and today he has hope for himself, which he needs to drive him to get better and Ill stick to my bargain, if he pays the morgage and has house realtor presentable I will not have him thrown out
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Old 05-26-2007, 08:28 PM
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Basics. HALT. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.

I was/am tired. Got a senior nap. It helped. And did my back a favor.
Husband brought home take-out. Thank you.
His sis and BIL came to visit, they were in town for a wedding.
And it sounds like hubby had a productive day.

I am going to come to sanity, really. I'll let you know when I get there. But dishes and made beds are out of proportion.....balance is called for. A part of the day, but nothing for the day to be all about. Geez!

I am not finished resting. Mind, body and back. Nice to be fed, too!
That's 3 out of 4 on HALT. I wasn't lonely.

Sweet dreams to me! Haven't had a nightmare or cold sweats since we changed my meds. YAY, that's a quality of life improvement!
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Old 05-27-2007, 01:17 AM
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Cindi................I am happy to hear that your Ah seems to be doing well today and even happier that your doing well.............

Has anyone hear from TEKE? I havent had time to read all the posts but I havent seen her around..............
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