aloneinside

Hello, I know it has been forever it seems sence I have posted but I do read often. But I wanted to update you. AH and I will be offically divorced June 5th. It is amazing how sad and excited and scared I can be in one moment. I recieved 90% custody with supervised visits and we share legal custody but I get the final say on any desicions!!! so I pretty much ahhve legal custody as well. A huge relief. (little recap, AH is a meth user that started with Cocaine years beore marriage and I had no clue till 2 years in)

AH just recently got out of rehab and is doing ok, hard road but is trying. It is so hard to be positive when he has been here so many times. Even though we are no longer togther I feel like he still brings me down makes me nervous about certian things.

I have a co-worker that I have wonder about and well yesterday we confimed there is an attraction or interest. nothing was done about it but it was discussed. I find myself freaking out because I am excited I have butterflies about the idea of seeing him on monday and if would really ask me out how nice it would be to have someone fell for me. (little info he is about 15 years older) but then i wonder of Crap what will AH say how will I hide it is the $&^* going to hit the fan and what will I have to deal with just because I did something for me.
When do we stop letting them affect our thinking and actions. i ahve been seperated from him for a year and a half, always thinking I found the old me in the way I was free and did for me was not overly concerned with how and one would react and make me feel!! Why do we let them keep a hold on us, or am i the only one.

well i guess it turned into a question along with my update. Funny how just when ya think you are doing fine and better little things trigger a codie relapse as well.Thank you listening (reading) and always being here, if I did not have the support and stability of SR I am not sure how Iwould have made it this far

cinderellawkids

Take everything in life slow and one step at a time. Do something kind to yourself the day its final.

Hang in tehre and Im sending hugs

teke

thanks for the update, don't know how the ah will react to the good news about your friend, but seems to me, he don't really have anything to do with what you do with your life now, just be prepared for whatever he decides to try, and go on with your life. i'm sure he's had plenty of time before now to get his act together. sorry for him. he had his chance and now its yours.


to the answer to you how can they effect your action after so long, well i don't know that either, i'll have to keep watch on your post to see what others have to say about that. i still feel stuck too, though i'm not divorced yet, but i've been alone most of the 21 yr marriage. sad,huh? still praying for ya

aloneinside

Thanks, It is really sad to be alone for so long but with someone, that is one of my fears with dating, I am not sure i will know how to react to someone caring about and showing it. I do not doubt AH cared, but I have let myself learn the wrong way love is expressed. Keep your spirts up and know that you are not alone here!!!!!