Just what I needed
Peace Hope Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 72
Just what I needed
This morning I got up and assembeled my suppposedly recovering AS lunch for work. This is the one who's freak GF I kicked out on Friday - the one who then called the cops and said my son pulled a gun on her. Said she was going to F our family. She called the cops because I told her to get her psycho unemployed butt out of my house forever - that she needed help - nothing is ever her fault - you are 38 years old and 60 - 90K in debt - you're not living here for free - go sell crazy somewhere else sweetheart I am all booked right now.
But he still loves her - couldn't tell me happy birthyday - didn't have $1.99 for a card, didn't bother to even acknowledge Mothers Day - What ever; so I get this snotty little self serving 'don't fix my lunch' and some other mumblings about how only she can fix his lunch right. She'll fix his lunch alright - wonder if she will bring it to him in jail since her hobby is calling the cops when someone makes her 38 year old psycho butt accountable. Talk about selfish. So that I chose not to listen too. I came very very close to feeling sorry for myself, very close to taking a self inflicted guilt trip and then I read several threads on this forum.
Here is what I have decided - my live is peaceful; she is toxic and the more she stayed here the more their collective behavior digressed, she starts rearranging my cupboards becuase she thinks it makes better sense, she puts her childs photo on my refridg, she starts yelling more often, and we were all tip toeing around it. No - no more, she is out and I like it that way. if he is that codepended that he will stay with a psych 38 year old has been verse some sweet girl closer his age then fine you can have her and all the crap that comes with her.
Their selfishness and immaturity will not ruin my day (today anyway) and I am not going to buy into his insanity. I am going to get back on my spiritual plan (which I know I have backslid on) and I am grateful there is one less toxic person in my immediate daily life than there was before. My sponsor tells me 'you will know when you have had enough and take the steps to make it better'. More people were being negativly hurt than helped - so we needed to take a stand. The outcome might not be great - but if he chooses to stay with her then he made his bed and he can sleep in it.
I am not perfect, but I am learning little by little what it means to have a safe boundary. And I felt the serenity in the house was slipping dramatically. Seeing that and feelin it made me sick to my stomach. Someone had to go and that someone was her. If she thinks she can continue to break the rules at 38 and others have to put up with it (him too) they are sadly mistaken. Even my husband yelled 'get out of my house - I want my 3 years of sobriety and serenety back'.
Could get ugly - but at the end of the day we all own our 'yes' and we all own our 'no'.
thanks for being there!/M
But he still loves her - couldn't tell me happy birthyday - didn't have $1.99 for a card, didn't bother to even acknowledge Mothers Day - What ever; so I get this snotty little self serving 'don't fix my lunch' and some other mumblings about how only she can fix his lunch right. She'll fix his lunch alright - wonder if she will bring it to him in jail since her hobby is calling the cops when someone makes her 38 year old psycho butt accountable. Talk about selfish. So that I chose not to listen too. I came very very close to feeling sorry for myself, very close to taking a self inflicted guilt trip and then I read several threads on this forum.
Here is what I have decided - my live is peaceful; she is toxic and the more she stayed here the more their collective behavior digressed, she starts rearranging my cupboards becuase she thinks it makes better sense, she puts her childs photo on my refridg, she starts yelling more often, and we were all tip toeing around it. No - no more, she is out and I like it that way. if he is that codepended that he will stay with a psych 38 year old has been verse some sweet girl closer his age then fine you can have her and all the crap that comes with her.
Their selfishness and immaturity will not ruin my day (today anyway) and I am not going to buy into his insanity. I am going to get back on my spiritual plan (which I know I have backslid on) and I am grateful there is one less toxic person in my immediate daily life than there was before. My sponsor tells me 'you will know when you have had enough and take the steps to make it better'. More people were being negativly hurt than helped - so we needed to take a stand. The outcome might not be great - but if he chooses to stay with her then he made his bed and he can sleep in it.
I am not perfect, but I am learning little by little what it means to have a safe boundary. And I felt the serenity in the house was slipping dramatically. Seeing that and feelin it made me sick to my stomach. Someone had to go and that someone was her. If she thinks she can continue to break the rules at 38 and others have to put up with it (him too) they are sadly mistaken. Even my husband yelled 'get out of my house - I want my 3 years of sobriety and serenety back'.
Could get ugly - but at the end of the day we all own our 'yes' and we all own our 'no'.
thanks for being there!/M
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Originally Posted by BlvninGod 
you're not living here for free - go sell crazy somewhere else sweetheart I am all booked right now.
/M
/M
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
we all had our own yes and we all had our own no.................
thanks I needed this right now............I am so angry for what hes putting me thru but I said yes, I said yes to marriage and a thousand other things
time for me to find my no's
thanks I needed this right now............I am so angry for what hes putting me thru but I said yes, I said yes to marriage and a thousand other things
time for me to find my no's
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
This is a great post. I too love your line..
Your house, your domain, your money paying for it and your serenity being interrupted by a GIRLFRIEND??????
Worse yet.. an Unemployed, non contributing, abrasive and controlling GIRL FRIEND??????
sorry.. the rule shoud be in any house, " you live here, you are not going to school, you work and you pay something toward the money for expenses "pot."
If your son is old enough to have a GF and have sex with her, he is old enough to be a contributing member of the House and the door does swing out..
Your house, your domain, your money paying for it and your serenity being interrupted by a GIRLFRIEND??????
Worse yet.. an Unemployed, non contributing, abrasive and controlling GIRL FRIEND??????
sorry.. the rule shoud be in any house, " you live here, you are not going to school, you work and you pay something toward the money for expenses "pot."
If your son is old enough to have a GF and have sex with her, he is old enough to be a contributing member of the House and the door does swing out..
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
If your son is old enough to have a GF and have sex with her, he is old enough to be a contributing member of the House and the door does swing out..
I wouldn't be surprised if he joined her... for a while. But you raised him with good values, he also won't be able to take it for long. This just may be his best opportunity to learn what kind of girls NOT to get entangled with.
I am glad you got her out of your house, but I also wouldn't tolerate any BS from him.... I do hope that lunch ended up in the trash.
(((hugs)))
PS... when my kid first got sober, I was doing LOTS of these same things... tippy toeing around, trying to make all "nice". It took a lot of chaos for me to figure out (finally) that *I* hold all the cards. I can set some boundaries around how I want to be treated, and folks DO still love me. They get mad... but they don't stop loving me.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Amen and hallelujah!!
In my early codie days my son and his fiance of the week came and lived with us, both clean at the time. He worked for my husband and put in a good day, my husband worked even more hours and I worked my own business and then went to help hubby at his when I was done. She sat on her butt and did nothing...and I mean NOTHING. No housework, not even her own room and bath, would not begin to prepare dinner or even make a salad and set the table, and when I gave her a brief list of what I expected she told me that she just can't handle lists.
I wish I had had your courage back then, I could have saved my sanity a little sooner I think.
You go girl!!! It's YOUR house and your rules and them that don't like it can live someplace else.
Hugs of Admiration
In my early codie days my son and his fiance of the week came and lived with us, both clean at the time. He worked for my husband and put in a good day, my husband worked even more hours and I worked my own business and then went to help hubby at his when I was done. She sat on her butt and did nothing...and I mean NOTHING. No housework, not even her own room and bath, would not begin to prepare dinner or even make a salad and set the table, and when I gave her a brief list of what I expected she told me that she just can't handle lists.
I wish I had had your courage back then, I could have saved my sanity a little sooner I think.
You go girl!!! It's YOUR house and your rules and them that don't like it can live someplace else.
Hugs of Admiration
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
BlvninGod,
I sure hope you're enjoying some of that serenity, now that the strange Gf is gone.
This is YOUR home, your rules, your boundaries, and if she, or son decide not to abide by them, you have every right to kick them to the curb.
Mr. Moose, (never was, never will be, a codependent) always said, if they can't learn and follow the rules at home, they'll never be able to follow them in the real world....(he's smart, I not...LOL)
Good for you, get tough!
Hugs,
I sure hope you're enjoying some of that serenity, now that the strange Gf is gone.
This is YOUR home, your rules, your boundaries, and if she, or son decide not to abide by them, you have every right to kick them to the curb.
Mr. Moose, (never was, never will be, a codependent) always said, if they can't learn and follow the rules at home, they'll never be able to follow them in the real world....(he's smart, I not...LOL)
Good for you, get tough!
Hugs,
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