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A Penny For Your Thought, Part 9

Old 05-20-2007, 07:49 AM
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I was wrong, he did try to call quite abit and we were not here.

Still doesnt change anything
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Old 05-20-2007, 08:09 AM
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I am blues, today I am. Im trying to pick myself up off the floor right now (emotionally)

I told MIL, I didnt want to know anything more. I havent seen him in over 3 weeks or spoken in 2, Maybe thats a gift from my HP
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Old 05-20-2007, 08:17 AM
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The actual filing of the divorce is a toughie, cause part of me is not ready to accept its over. Sad huh

Thought about sending him a marital settlemetn agrement and asking him to sign it. Doubt he will, not sure what my motives are...
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Old 05-20-2007, 08:25 AM
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I have a question. If they can still occassionally get a meal or a sandwich by showing up at sisters, arent they still being enabled?
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Old 05-20-2007, 08:44 AM
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i'm so sorry cinder, i agree with the others, maybe you'll have to allow his addiction to run its course. i know that it seems like its taking forever right now. apparently he has not reached his bottom yet. i think that maybe it is a little enabling to give him food, but think about it, most people might give a hungry man food, i'm sure you would, but you may not have him for dinner every night.

maybe you could just wait to file divorce until you feel like you are better able to handle it, you don't have to do it now, if you don't want to. i think that its still not to late for your ah but it depends on how long you are willing to wait. don't know how i could advise you to wait, i've seem to have been waititng 21 yrs of my life. i was probably around your age when i first decided to wait. just take some more time to work on your own emotions. write yourself some letters to him if you want to. don't think i don't know how bad this is hurting you, but you are so young, i gotta feeling that you are gonna be ok.

more than likely, he's gonna contact you when you finally began to get your emotions more stable. in the past, everytime i thought i about had myself together, here he comes. don't really know what i'm saying here, i just hate to see you hurting, it hurts me.
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:01 AM
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Teke, its just not fair. Now if I dont pay their power bill, mine will be shut off. If on the first I dont pay the morgage for where they are living, it will be foreclosed on in my name and all the money I put down from my trust fund 8 years before I met him will be lost
It sucks. I figure if somoene gives thema ameal then when they find money they will buy more liquor instead of food.
Im willing to bet, like always before she also gave them money and said nothing
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:23 AM
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believe me cinder, i know where you are at about his family. i had to kind of detach from my inlaws. they actually did do what you said. even though they say they were not gonna enable, their actions were always different. remember, they are blood. i'm so sorry, its not fair that you have to lose so much.

have you explained all of this to the power company? i know that you don't want to do anything to hurt your ah, but sometimes you have to do what you can to protect yourself and the kids. maybe you can go to them and make arrangements on the bill at that house, even if you do have to pay. maybe you can do a little more research and figure out if there is something that you don't know about that will allow you to evict them, then you may feel better if you do have to pay the mortage. just throwing stuff out. can you file for a legal seperation or something that will allow you to move forward on that. it is so sad that you have to go through all of this, what do his family have to say about this. what do your grandfather have to say?
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:24 AM
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yeah probably I dont get it. I really dont.
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:28 AM
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My grandfather has no compassion, he throws people out for a living, thats how he got rich.

His mom tried to tell me I had to let him stay there because he's my husband.
And then a lawyer friend taht was doing deeper research on teh eviction thing emailed me and said I cant do it, it wont work

So maybe for the heck of it, Im gonna start parading realtors in a to their dirty fillthy house unnannounced and annoy the he** out of him. Baad part is I dont want to see him

If he looks how they say it will bring me t y knees
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:38 AM
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it may bring you to your knees to see him but if it will bring him to his knees, wouldn't it be all worth it? as long as he has someone to provide for him, cinder, in my opinion, all he has to do is provide for his drugs. i hate to tell you, but an addict with a home, can also get free drugs and you can loose your home in the process. sorry to be the barer of bad news and i'm not saying that is what he's doing either, just something to think about.

btw, good that you checked with a lawyer, it would be hard for me to believe everything that my mil had to say when it comes to her sons.

my mil begged just as hard as my ah, back when i first decided that it was over between my ah and i. she played a big part in me allowing him back into my life. she went the same route" its your husband and god would have you to.............. i allowed her to play on my spirituality and as soon as he got in and decided that he wanted to do whatever to us, then she totally flipped that script.
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:45 AM
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oh Cindi
I am so sorry you are going thru this.
I know you've been waiting for along time for him to hit his bottom and waiting is hard.............
as for the Marchman act, its up to you if you think it may save his life and you think your strong enough then move forward with it, if not thent just take care of you and leave the rest up to your HP
SOOOOO much easier said than done I know
take care you will be in my thoughts
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:51 AM
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Im scared lies. I dont have what Stewart mrachman considers "direct knowledge of his using" the court coordinator this morning said the living conditions arent enough, so I could end up it getting denied and there being an angry addict out there with me in the blame seat. I have to leave it to my HP, I have to trust in him.

Im just angry and feel betrayed by MIL and SIL, like they brought me back into the drama of it, to drop me again, and I allowed it
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:51 AM
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I need to shower, I stink but I cant get up the desire right now
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Old 05-20-2007, 10:29 AM
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Originally Posted by cinderellawkids View Post
and I allowed it

You know, Cinder, that is what finally did me in. All of the heartache in my life came to me because I allowed it. I never hated him. I pitied him. In many, many ways I still loved him. But I hated my life, and I had nobody to blame but myself for allowing it to continue.

The last 6 months have been my happiest in decades. The decision to divorce was hard, but living like that was harder. When I was ready....I knew. When you are ready....when you've had enough.....you'll know too.

Hang in there, Girlfriend.
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Old 05-20-2007, 11:14 AM
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Thanks everyone. I didnt shower, yet. Soon though I went to store, finally bought kids that slip and slide Ive been promising and bought myself nail polish, strawberry blonde hair dye and good conditioner.

Felt I needed a change, my hairs too dark to go real light, but I bet it will have some awesome hues, and enxt weekend my mom and I are still planning spending the days on the pool deck of her time share. This is my due for me and do for my kids and Darius is making waffles
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Old 05-20-2007, 11:21 AM
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Just changed my bed sheets, and what did I notice , an old burn mark. Shaped like a glass pipe. So abck to angry for the moment. Tht willg et me through my shower anyway. I do pity him Babs, I think thats been the hardest part. Of all the feelings Ive felt with him this one is different, today I feel like the day I walked out on my first fiance, I was too the point of rocking like a baby in our apartment knowing he was with another woman and his cousin came in and said she was gonne get me into the mad stage, and she did and I got up and didnt look back (well for 3 years until I saw him on the sidewalk in his own vomit and I tried a rescue attempt, but anyway, I think feeling like I did that day means Im alot closet to picking myself up and moving forward, and this time, I mo going to cope with the pain and get through it rather than using alcohol and xanax to numb or a rebound guy. This is about me and recovering long term from all the damamge of the past
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Old 05-20-2007, 12:15 PM
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are you ok, cinder? i know you are gonna be ok but are you feeling a little better now, i'm concerned
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Old 05-20-2007, 12:26 PM
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Palmtree, I dont blame myself adn everything is cut off.

I actually just talked to him. I told him he could see his son in a public park witha day and time mutually convenient and set up at least 5 days prior, and if he arrived sober and straight. We just had the most civil and non emotional conversation ever.

In the end he did ask where was I with us. I chose my words carefully and said I couldnt think about us until he was regularly acting responsibly and being a productive member of society and the call ended nicely there. The boys and I are having fun on the slip and slide
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Old 05-20-2007, 12:27 PM
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Yes Teke, I started feeling better after the boys and I went to the store
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Old 05-20-2007, 12:28 PM
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my stepson stopped by and wouldn't you know, it opened some wounds for me. say he worked with dad last wk, but haven't heard from him since i guess, and he still haven't contacted these kids or sent them anything. i want to ask his mom if she has heard from him but i don't want to give him the satisfaction. when she talks to him, she let him know that i ask and i don't think he needs to know about us but i also think sometimes that that is why his family comes around sometimes, just to see whats going on with us.
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