A Penny For Your Thought, Part 9
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
Take your time in determining what it is that you feel. You have a day, week or even a month or two just dont wait forever, you have a life to live too with or without him. As long as you know who and what you are dealing with, armed with knowledge of thier addiction and our own, you will be fine. Just don't let the silver tounge devils BS you into doubting yourself or your right to a normal life. lol or as normal as life can be. One of my most favorite movie lines was from Tombstone. On his death bed Doc Holiday tells Wyatt Earp, when he said he just wanted a normal life, "There is no normal life Wyatt, theres just life".
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
Thanks Noah..............
Your right, I think taking my time is whats best, mainly because my choices can and will effect his child who lives with us, and right now I am the one this child has to depend on and part of me thinks if it werent for the child the decision would be so easy.......yet I'm a codie I guess-- because as hurt and angry as I am I also worry about AH and what will/ or could become of him even thou I know that what becomes of him is 100% up to him part of me still feels like I could make a difference for the worse actually , almost as if I decide that its over he'll get even worse .............
though the last year has shown me that with me hes worse.............so who knows....
TIME your right!!! I will take my time
Your right, I think taking my time is whats best, mainly because my choices can and will effect his child who lives with us, and right now I am the one this child has to depend on and part of me thinks if it werent for the child the decision would be so easy.......yet I'm a codie I guess-- because as hurt and angry as I am I also worry about AH and what will/ or could become of him even thou I know that what becomes of him is 100% up to him part of me still feels like I could make a difference for the worse actually , almost as if I decide that its over he'll get even worse .............
though the last year has shown me that with me hes worse.............so who knows....
TIME your right!!! I will take my time
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Lies I dont think his sponsor has any right asking u ?'s about your marriage or better yet anything about your life. Maybe he his just seeing if your husband is lying to him and thats why hes staying there. Maybe your husband makes it sound so much worse than what it really is so he doesnt have to face the music that it was HIS drug use and lies that got him where he is. Remember no matter what it is its never the addicts fault. Maybe he is trying to put together a puzzle and some peices are missing either way dont talk about anything your not comfortable with or that will uspet him and let him know that.
Jewelz maybe he left the sign up to ask himself that question everyday and makes him think WHY WHY WHY do I keep f-ing up. Maybe thats his morning noon night whenever the need comes affirmation. Maybe he left it there to remind him and make him wonder what the f is going on and WHY he keeps doing it OVER and OVER and he hasnt gotten the answer yet. How appropriate though above the toilet so while he is asking why he can watch what is left of him family life go down the toilet and asks why why why. Its there for a reason he left it for a reason. So u leave it there too maybe hes looking for the answer to why and needs to be reminded. I dont know just my take on it. My ramble for the night.
Noah how is loves doing. Sure shes keeping bz. Let us know ok.
Jewelz maybe he left the sign up to ask himself that question everyday and makes him think WHY WHY WHY do I keep f-ing up. Maybe thats his morning noon night whenever the need comes affirmation. Maybe he left it there to remind him and make him wonder what the f is going on and WHY he keeps doing it OVER and OVER and he hasnt gotten the answer yet. How appropriate though above the toilet so while he is asking why he can watch what is left of him family life go down the toilet and asks why why why. Its there for a reason he left it for a reason. So u leave it there too maybe hes looking for the answer to why and needs to be reminded. I dont know just my take on it. My ramble for the night.
Noah how is loves doing. Sure shes keeping bz. Let us know ok.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
Kj - I spoke with loves tonight and she is doing really good. Loves is spending the weekend with both of her daughters and is very happy. Your right she has been very busy since this last trip began and it seems that she just keeps going and going. I will try to be more proactive on updates about loves I just get so busy too sometimes I just don't get a chance.
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
jewelz, the first thing came to mind about the sign that was left made me laugh, i'm sorry. i thought that maybe he left that one sign that said 'why" because being the addict that he is, he may have wanted to know why you pasted signs all over the place.LOL
lies, i agree with noah and cinder, the guy is your ah's sponsor and not yours, try not to feed too much into what he said, remember your ah is his source of info. like noah said, addicts are good at playing one against the other, divide and conquer. my ah was good at that too.
noah, sure enjoy when you post, i get so much out of what you have to say.
cinder, you are right it was me who said that. i was probably looking at the fact that you had a past attraction to this shrimp guy from long ago. i have a friend like that and the last time my ah and i seperated for that long time, i did talk to my long time old friend that i had somewhat of a connection with yrs before, and it was not a good idea, i was just too vulnerable and my emotions were entirely too raw, that caused me more emotional issues than i was ready for. my motives were wrong so it wasn't a good idea after all.
i think i asked you the question if you were sure that it was shrimping that you wanted or something more. btw, i didn't go to the cafe' tonight, i took a nap, didnt really want to go out, not tonite any way, maybe not soon. the attention felt good i have to admit though
lies, i agree with noah and cinder, the guy is your ah's sponsor and not yours, try not to feed too much into what he said, remember your ah is his source of info. like noah said, addicts are good at playing one against the other, divide and conquer. my ah was good at that too.
noah, sure enjoy when you post, i get so much out of what you have to say.
cinder, you are right it was me who said that. i was probably looking at the fact that you had a past attraction to this shrimp guy from long ago. i have a friend like that and the last time my ah and i seperated for that long time, i did talk to my long time old friend that i had somewhat of a connection with yrs before, and it was not a good idea, i was just too vulnerable and my emotions were entirely too raw, that caused me more emotional issues than i was ready for. my motives were wrong so it wasn't a good idea after all.
i think i asked you the question if you were sure that it was shrimping that you wanted or something more. btw, i didn't go to the cafe' tonight, i took a nap, didnt really want to go out, not tonite any way, maybe not soon. the attention felt good i have to admit though
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Hi ladies, I just read all this thread. Y'all are some wise women!
I'd like to speak to you from the other side.....in the future when this is in the past and you have built your lives all this will likely seem surreal to you and you will wonder why and how it consumed you.
Just my humble opinion....but in my case, I call that great news.
live
I'd like to speak to you from the other side.....in the future when this is in the past and you have built your lives all this will likely seem surreal to you and you will wonder why and how it consumed you.
Just my humble opinion....but in my case, I call that great news.
live
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
I agree with Live ladies and gentlemen who I guess are out there, somewhere, surely I am not the only one. Happiness is out there waiting for you take your piece. When this bad place is behind you, you will wonder why you tried so hard...don't waste too much of your time second guessing yourself, just live again!
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
omg, thank you sooooooo much, live and noah
i sure needed to hear this, this morning. the timing seem to have been just right. i had to re read what you said, to let it soak in. thanks again, i sure hope you're right. gotta do what i did to believe that i could get clean. i have to believe it cause YOU believe it, and keep moving forward if i can, i don't know how to believe this for myself. YOU believe it so for now thats enough for me.
i sure needed to hear this, this morning. the timing seem to have been just right. i had to re read what you said, to let it soak in. thanks again, i sure hope you're right. gotta do what i did to believe that i could get clean. i have to believe it cause YOU believe it, and keep moving forward if i can, i don't know how to believe this for myself. YOU believe it so for now thats enough for me.
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
Originally Posted by nogard 
Looking forward to celebrating my 2nd birthday in 8 hours and 15 minutes.
Being clean fills me up.
Kevin
Being clean fills me up.
Kevin
WISHING YOU THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE DONE SO WELL
still praying that you just keep collecting those bdays
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Your right Teke, that does make a difference. (with the men and friendship.) Ive already romatiszed a bit bout shrimp guy and thats a codie no no.
and as well in analyzing my motives I know I do have "feelings" already ebginning that I wouldnt have if there hadnt been a history. For now we are being aloof because he has such a point when he says until Ive filed divorce Ah has a chance with me and he doesnt want to get involved in a mess.
I still cant get over that he takes pictures of animals for me and emails them to me, but Im trying to say to myself if he does so would another man out there somewhere when the time is right. It gives me hope.
Well I never got any housework done and now I really have to...
and as well in analyzing my motives I know I do have "feelings" already ebginning that I wouldnt have if there hadnt been a history. For now we are being aloof because he has such a point when he says until Ive filed divorce Ah has a chance with me and he doesnt want to get involved in a mess.
I still cant get over that he takes pictures of animals for me and emails them to me, but Im trying to say to myself if he does so would another man out there somewhere when the time is right. It gives me hope.
Well I never got any housework done and now I really have to...
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
I believe most of u know I am here cuz of my As but I came out the other side with an addicted spouse also. That was very many yrs ago but as Lives said once you rebuild your life u will wonder why you felt u deserved so much less for so long. I am now remarried for almost 23 yrs plus I spentr 10 yrs alone after I ended it with AS ( sounds weird to even say that ) He was a complulsive gambler but it was just as bad as any other addiction. I found out only last wk he went from gambling to drugs & now at age 62 says he has been clean for 41/2 yrs ( 3 of them in jail )
I loved this man with my whole heart & felt I could never care for anyone else as much but boy was I wrong. I love my present husband more each passing day & we have been a couple for almost 25 yrs. I told my ex you can only love for so long without getting anything back. It took me 10 yrs & 2 children. Looking bk I feel physical distance plus seeing someone else is what it took me. He got into trouble with the law & ran. He did keep in contact & wanted m to join him. During this time I found out he was seeing a topless dancer so then I let my sister fix me up with a blind date. Both of these men claimed to love me & finally I could see the difference btw my ex's " love " and a person with a clear heads love. It was finally for me a no brainer. I believe to be true what somone here said " the problem isn't the addiction cuz the addiction is a symptom of a sickness of the soul " My ex said it took his HP to bring him to the point where he said he had enough.
Believe it Teke, & if u have trouble believing it now we all will believe it for you.
Love,
Diane
I loved this man with my whole heart & felt I could never care for anyone else as much but boy was I wrong. I love my present husband more each passing day & we have been a couple for almost 25 yrs. I told my ex you can only love for so long without getting anything back. It took me 10 yrs & 2 children. Looking bk I feel physical distance plus seeing someone else is what it took me. He got into trouble with the law & ran. He did keep in contact & wanted m to join him. During this time I found out he was seeing a topless dancer so then I let my sister fix me up with a blind date. Both of these men claimed to love me & finally I could see the difference btw my ex's " love " and a person with a clear heads love. It was finally for me a no brainer. I believe to be true what somone here said " the problem isn't the addiction cuz the addiction is a symptom of a sickness of the soul " My ex said it took his HP to bring him to the point where he said he had enough.
Believe it Teke, & if u have trouble believing it now we all will believe it for you.
Love,
Diane
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
good morning all, been up awhile, left the tv on all night and that usually leave me so tired when i wake up. feeling kind of sluggish this morning, first thoughts were ah, be glad when i don't have to wake up with him on my mind. its not really that bad this morning, just thought about him. i decided that i would do what i could now to change those thoughts when they come. hope you all have a great day. no going to church again, i feel like i'm slacking on this, but tv church is something that i can do and i do it oftern. i guess i'll be ok
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
I am not going to live church either but I feel He understands. TV church will just have to do for me also. Teke it takes alot of time to change these thoughts. I am sure AH has been pretty much first in your thoughts for a very long time. Eventually I believe you will replace these thoughts with new thoughts then it does get alot easier but it does take time.
You are doing great, just keep trusting your HP. He knows the way when we don't.
Lots of Love,
Diane
You are doing great, just keep trusting your HP. He knows the way when we don't.
Lots of Love,
Diane
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
There were a few things that struck me reading these posts, I want to speak about one of them.
TRUST
A good union requires complete and total trust between the partners....as you contemplate whether their could be a future reunion, please ask yourself if you would ever be able to give your absolute trust to this person and relationship.
For me, that is the very foundation absolutely prerequisite to a committed, intimate relationship. You also need to be able to trust the commitment itself.
just throwing some thoughts out there.
TRUST
A good union requires complete and total trust between the partners....as you contemplate whether their could be a future reunion, please ask yourself if you would ever be able to give your absolute trust to this person and relationship.
For me, that is the very foundation absolutely prerequisite to a committed, intimate relationship. You also need to be able to trust the commitment itself.
just throwing some thoughts out there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Guys Im falling apart. Everyone else backed out of the Marchman act and I am not strong enough to face him alone.
He was at his sisters yesterday. He's lost over 60 pounds, but threatened her so they are staying out of it.
He was at his sisters yesterday. He's lost over 60 pounds, but threatened her so they are staying out of it.
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