emk414

My husband is addicted to crack cocaine and is now a completely different person than when we were first together. He has a fairly decent job, but because of all the money that is spent, we can barely feed our 4 month old son. He comes home after a binge saying he is going to clean up his act, but always seems to forget about the promises he makes. Thank God he does not bring drugs around my son, because I have threatened to have him go to jail if he ever does. I just don't know what to do. I know that he is the only one that can change his behavior. Am I being an enabler by staying with him? I have yelled, gave him the silent treatment, gotten family and friends involved but nothing seems to get through. He says he just needs to go to the doctor, not a treament program. I beg to differ. I feel so trapped, because for one, my car is not running and we cannot afford to fix it because of the finances and my family and friends live far away from me. It's not like I can just pack up the baby and leave, like I want to sometimes. I can't even write a check to buy groceries becasue I'm afraid it will bounce. He spends hundreds on drugs and filthy magazines (which he has to have when he is getting high). Sorry to ramble, but I am so stressed out. I want the man I fell in love with back! I feel so sad for my son because he deserves so much better than this.

cinderellawkids

Can you get to alanon or naranon?
Ive lived how you described for four years with good months and weeks inbetween. Our baby will be three this summer. Things have over time gotten worse and we are separated now because I had enough. He' takke off every Friday after getting paid and be gone all night spending hundreds. We never got ahead. He's been in rehabs and ect. He haad a great job, quit. Owned his own business, then pawned his tools. Now he is living in ahouse without power.

Try to learn the 3 cs. You didnt cause it, You cant control it and u cant cure him. He has to fix himself by himself. Read through the stickies at the top of the page and the other threads and learn to focus on you

teke

welcome to sr, the addict in my life is my husband, his drug of choice is crack too. i've lived the life you've described off and on for 21 yrs, it only gets worse unless HE realizes that he has a problem and seeks help. there is no cure for addiction, it can only be arrested by commiting to some kind of recovery and working hard at it on the addicts part. sorry but there is nothing you can do to help him, and it has nothing to do with you. its the choices that he is making for himself.

we who love addicts sometimes become just as sick as the addict and also need to recover. alanon and naranon are good support groups for you, you may be able to find one in your area. time to take the focus off him and began to think how you will live your life now that you know. your life can get better with or without him. keeping you and yours in my prayers

cinderellawkids

Please read todays earlier thread "any help or suggestions would be great"
It offered a lot of good things from people on during the day.

First and foremost take care of you and your baby

Wascally Wabbit

Listen, can you get to a food pantry? Many churches have them and the food is free. Can you get on medicaid, possibly food stamps?
I do hope you're safe. You're in the right place here at SR for support.

Noah812

emk414 - Your AH DOC is nasty and the magazines or porn are part of the drug. It and meth, probably others causes the same release of endorphines as when high by sexual stimulation. Feed you baby anyway you can and keep coming back. You will make it out of this but it make take time and making hard choices for you and your child. I agree a doctor cannot fix him and they will say anything when they are coming down. Welcome to SR there are many here who survived addiction, where you are now, you can too and will.

finallyout

emk-i am so sorry that you are going throught his, but welcome to SR. i know your situation all too well, my husband is also the addict in my life and is drug of choice is also crack. when i read your post, all i could think, was that was me 10yrs ago. Well i can tell you that you are right, nothing you do will change him. i spent 10yrs trying to "help" and "change" him, but nothing worked, hes been to rehab several times and jail. I left him 4months ago and it was the best decision i ever made. A visit to the doctor will not help him, rehab might but only if hes really ready to change. They all make the promises of changing after their binges, thats very typical. But unless they have really suffered some serious consequences (bottom out) its unlikely they will keep those promises. And of course bottoming out is no guarantee either. After I left my AH, he lost his business, our home, his truck and ended up in jail. The nature of addiction is for it get worse and worse. Whether or not he ever stops is up to him and there is no way to help him. Remember the 3 C's, you didn't Cause, you can't Control it, you can't Cure it. My best advice is to keep posting here, see if you can get to Alanon or Naranon and try to focus on doing the best you can to take care of yourself and your baby. I know how badly you want your old husband back, i feel that way too alot of the time, but he may or may not be coming back and if you can get a plan together to make sure you and your baby are taken care of then thats all you really can do. If or when you are ready to leave him their is assistance out their with subsidized child care so you can work, food stamps etc. I know it may not sound appealing but those things are just stepping stones to something better for you. Just take baby steps, do something small each day for you and the baby. Whatever you decide we are here, we've all been there and understand. Keeping your family in my prayers.
Jenna

parentrecovers

it's nice to meet you, emk. i'm the mom of an alcohlic/addict. alanon and private counseling really help me. keep posting, k