johnny_mntgmry

hi. im an addict and ive been clean and in recovery for 3 1/2 years. i have seen many people come and go from recovery. i have seen alot of people go to prison, rehab and even the grave. these are the 3 guarantees for an addict that is using drugs. Jails, institions and Death. This is a "WE" program. I tried a long time to quit by myself and i couldn't. i would suggest that you give him an ultimatum about going to get help. You and your child are in danger. because when i was getting high, i eventually used around my wife and kids, the drugs destroyed the loving man, husband and father that i was. in the end i didnt care about them, only the dope. You said you were naive about this, well it will be easy for him to lie to you, use without you knowing, tell you he is clean, and nothing good can come from that. having an active drug addict in your house living with you has the potential for DHR to come in and remove your child from you and take her away. plus chances of you getting him clean before he gets you high are very slim. there is no easy solution, no easy way out for him. I lost everything, my wife, kids, family, job, cars, house, self respect, and almost my freedom. Since i went to Rehab in Jan 2004, i have my kids back in my life. I go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings daily, and i follow their suggestions. I want to stress to you that there is a lot of lies, manipulation & dishonesty in all active drug users until they decide to get some help for their problem. its only going to get worse for you, him his kids and your child if you allow him to do this alone. It took my family walking completely out of my life in order for me to see how bad i was ******* up, and i really was. If you love this man, prove your love by insisting that he get some professional help. because the chances of him getting high again soon is very very high. the chances of him losing jobs, kids, family etc is high, as is the chances of him getting arrested or even over-dosing on drugs and dying. I dont mean to frighten you but i think you would rather me tell you the truth and upset you than to lie to you to make you feel better. sometimes the truth does hurt but its always the best route to take. here is a number you can call. Its a national drug rehab referral service. they can answer your questions.
800-847-0544. everyone deserves a chance to recover and find a better life. I wish you the best. Stay strong and dont be afraid to ask for help.
Johnny---Huntsville, Alabama

kj0975

Well we cant tell u what to do. Sometimes we stick around hoping and praying that they will get clean and they mean it when they say they want to. Hope each relapse will be the last one. I know how u feel we all know how u feel. Somewhere we think we can help them and to be honest u really cant help them. Nothing u do will make or keep them clean. I understand wanting to be there to help him hell he asked for help how can u say no. Its so hard to understand. Even harder to fix and live with.

In his defense he did ask for help and he did come clean. Many addicts will lie and tell u they arent using and that your crazy for thinking they are. Dont let your relationship become a parent child relationship where u have to watch his every move and wonder if hes using. Dont let his addiction rule your life dont play investigator dont try to figure it out. Keep your $ seperate from his.

While he came clean to u about his addiction and need for help I think it would be good for u to write up some boundaries. Let his actions prove he is serious dont let his words be proof. Make a list of things u expect from him what is acceptable for u to live with and what u will do if those boundries are broken. Show it to him make sure he understands. Do what u can live with. Dont offer to go to rehab with him its not your addiction. Just watch yourself. If u dont see him changing or really working on getting clean then u can make your choice. Its up to u I would make no life altering decisions today dont rush into anything.

Maybe go to a few meetings learn all u can learn. No its not yours to fix its ALL his to fix. U can be there but dont get sucked in dont believe u can fix dont believe u can love him clean. All said with love and understanding.

Noah812

I can say that your feelings of love for your ABF is not what is important as much as your love for YOURSELF. Your feelings for your ABF will be what helps the A make you mentally and physically ill. You love for your addict is what will unwittingly give money to him to buy gas, whiletrusting him and it goes up his nose. Your love will make your drive around searching for him all night while dialing his cell phone like a maniac because he told you 4 hours ago I will be home in 20 minutes. Some codies have been committed...most miss tons of work, depression the works. The familiy of the addicts become as ill or worse than the addict. Your love for your addict will be what is used to turn your life into a living hell. Oh ever wonder why its a BF,ABF, H, AH, gf or AGF or others that usually are the ones we allow to take advantage of us. The reason is its a friend, family or a lover who most of the time we love and trust them most other people we dont trust....addicts can not be given that trust in advance nor without lots of recovery, most will take it and run with it.

laketime

My As Has Two Brothers. Its The Siblings That Are The Easiest To Get To Enable. But He Want Stop There. Anyone, Friends , Family, Strangers, He Will Manipulate And Hurt Anyone To Get What He Wants, Drugs. So Dont Think Your Child Is Safe. My As Stole From His Brothers, Almost Killed His Little Brother In A Addicted Stupor, Tried To Hurt Me, Stole 200 Out Of His Friends Purse That He Went To Preschool With And Vacationed And Played With His Whole Life. He Simply Doesnt, Wont, Cant Care About Anything But Feeding The Addiction. He Dosent Want To, He Just Does. Like I Said Earlier, If I Could Get My Other Two Kids Away From This Mess And Hurt And Destruction And Brainwash Them So That They Didnt Remeber The Brother They Loved. I Would In A Heartbeat, No Second Thoughts, Done, Outta Here. But We Cant, Some Can. Your In My Prayers

Lalaleah

I hate to say this, because everyone is different, but since you are not married. I do say you should run, far and fast!


I only say this because I hear so much more often about the horror stories(mine included) then the success stories. Mye xperience did make me a stronger persona nd did teach me a great lesson..but if I could have just avoided it all, I would have!