loving an addict
remember to breathe
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
loving an addict
What do we do....
we try to force the issue of sobriety.
that doesn't work.
we cry and guilt sobriety.
that doesn't work.
we threaten sobriety.
that doesn't work.
the definition of insanity is... doing the same thing with the hopes of a different outcome. so what do we do.
we wait!!!!!!!!!!!
only the addict can change the addict.
only the addict can change when they want to change.
we wait!!!!!
when the time comes we celebrate and support recovery and thats all we can do
we try to force the issue of sobriety.
that doesn't work.
we cry and guilt sobriety.
that doesn't work.
we threaten sobriety.
that doesn't work.
the definition of insanity is... doing the same thing with the hopes of a different outcome. so what do we do.
we wait!!!!!!!!!!!
only the addict can change the addict.
only the addict can change when they want to change.
we wait!!!!!
when the time comes we celebrate and support recovery and thats all we can do
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
I didn't choose to wait--I took action---just my way--yours is different from mine--lock down medicine all worked for my AS that is not to say it will work for everyone.14 Years of doing it everyone elses way didn't work for us---but thankfully we found a way that helped and he is sober--planning his party with the family for his one year anniversary date....have faith...it can happen
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Sounds like you're throwing your hands up in the air in defeat.
The obvious other answer is to leave and build a life without the addict. But there is this HUGE expase of fear to get beyond- mostly that I am learning can only be battled with faith- in order to get to the other side.
I am finding now distance both helps and hurts. I wallow in my sorrow and find it impossible to think of ME first.
Some things I have learned from the support system of SR:
-Nothing changes if nothing changes.
-If you continue to do what you've always done- you will get what you've always gotten.
The second one for me has been a real 'light bulb' moment. If I continue to put up with the addicts lies and stay with my feet firmly rooted in the ground in absolute fear to walk away- because how can I possibly survive without this man-- than how can I expect any different results.
I do not say any of this as if I have mastered this. I am still very much stuck, frustrated, confused and scared.
My thoughts are with you.
The obvious other answer is to leave and build a life without the addict. But there is this HUGE expase of fear to get beyond- mostly that I am learning can only be battled with faith- in order to get to the other side.
I am finding now distance both helps and hurts. I wallow in my sorrow and find it impossible to think of ME first.
Some things I have learned from the support system of SR:
-Nothing changes if nothing changes.
-If you continue to do what you've always done- you will get what you've always gotten.
The second one for me has been a real 'light bulb' moment. If I continue to put up with the addicts lies and stay with my feet firmly rooted in the ground in absolute fear to walk away- because how can I possibly survive without this man-- than how can I expect any different results.
I do not say any of this as if I have mastered this. I am still very much stuck, frustrated, confused and scared.
My thoughts are with you.
Survivor
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 149
this is true, we got to believe it will get better!!!!!!we have to for our sake
remember to breathe
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Joeyboy: have faith, it will come.
HKangel: unfortunatley, you can't leave your children, my addict is my son. I wrote this in 2007, today my son is almost 16 months clean and sober. after about 5 rehabs, time on soboxone,3 overdoses and lots of praying, he has the tools to do what he needs to do. I most certainly never threw my hands up in defeat. I finally realized he had to want it more than I did, and until he did there was nothing I could do. He now has all the support in the world from myself as well as the rest of the family.
sunflower: I only started waiting when nothing I did worked.
life happens while we are busy making plans
HKangel: unfortunatley, you can't leave your children, my addict is my son. I wrote this in 2007, today my son is almost 16 months clean and sober. after about 5 rehabs, time on soboxone,3 overdoses and lots of praying, he has the tools to do what he needs to do. I most certainly never threw my hands up in defeat. I finally realized he had to want it more than I did, and until he did there was nothing I could do. He now has all the support in the world from myself as well as the rest of the family.
sunflower: I only started waiting when nothing I did worked.
life happens while we are busy making plans
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Rahsue,
I am so glad your son is doing good!!! I was worried when I read the first post that something happened. I love happy recovery stories, it gives us all hope and we all fill the joy when one of our addicts comes clean. (((Hugs)))
I am so glad your son is doing good!!! I was worried when I read the first post that something happened. I love happy recovery stories, it gives us all hope and we all fill the joy when one of our addicts comes clean. (((Hugs)))
remember to breathe
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
MyJoey: isn't it the truth, when we read a post we wonder about the situation of others and when we hear a success story I know I am filled with joy and hope myself.
It's what makes SR such a great place to vent, ask for guidance, and just feel like we belong. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found these wonderful people.
Even when we don't agree with someone it is still an experience to grow from and to perhaps see a different perspecive of things.
I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
thanks
It's what makes SR such a great place to vent, ask for guidance, and just feel like we belong. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found these wonderful people.
Even when we don't agree with someone it is still an experience to grow from and to perhaps see a different perspecive of things.
I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
thanks
Addiction is a full time job
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Brooklyn New York
Posts: 63
Rahsue, Thank You so much for your kind words and encouragement. For today my son is clean, and that is a miracle. No suboxone, no opiates, nothing. CLEAN. Tomororw morning he enters a long term treatment facility. He says he is willing to do the work. But, I've heard that before. I'm trying to stay positive and hopeful. GOD BLESS your son, for 16 months is excellent. 
I have learned to love the addicit for they are still human beings, with good hearts and souls, but I loathe the addictions. The drugs ruin people and change who they are. I had my son clean for over a year, and then he went back out after he broke up with his girlfriend. That's how he deals with is problems. His addiction has caused me so much heartache and suffering. Nightmares, no sleep, just pure despair. He is my one and only child, and the fear of losing him, or worse, the fear of him being a junkie just tears me up. I know there is hope, and I will never give up. However, I will only help him in his recovery. I will contribute nothing to his addiction. No enabling here. My whole entire family is all on the same page when it comes to my son's addiction. Thank GOD for my faith, my love of God and my comfort in prayer. That's my saviour. Every day clean is a milestone for the recovering addict. My prayers go out to all the struggling addicts daily. Those still in the hel_ of addiction, and those in recovery. Hoping they all find innerpeace. Not to mention us parents. I hope we can survive what I call the most painful experience of my life. I'm so happy for you and your son. SR has been a blessing for me to meet and talk to other mothers who share the same heartache as me. Listening to others gives me hope, and lets me know, that my son will eventually be alright. Sometimes it just takes time. Thanks again for your kind words of love and support. Joeyboy
I have learned to love the addicit for they are still human beings, with good hearts and souls, but I loathe the addictions. The drugs ruin people and change who they are. I had my son clean for over a year, and then he went back out after he broke up with his girlfriend. That's how he deals with is problems. His addiction has caused me so much heartache and suffering. Nightmares, no sleep, just pure despair. He is my one and only child, and the fear of losing him, or worse, the fear of him being a junkie just tears me up. I know there is hope, and I will never give up. However, I will only help him in his recovery. I will contribute nothing to his addiction. No enabling here. My whole entire family is all on the same page when it comes to my son's addiction. Thank GOD for my faith, my love of God and my comfort in prayer. That's my saviour. Every day clean is a milestone for the recovering addict. My prayers go out to all the struggling addicts daily. Those still in the hel_ of addiction, and those in recovery. Hoping they all find innerpeace. Not to mention us parents. I hope we can survive what I call the most painful experience of my life. I'm so happy for you and your son. SR has been a blessing for me to meet and talk to other mothers who share the same heartache as me. Listening to others gives me hope, and lets me know, that my son will eventually be alright. Sometimes it just takes time. Thanks again for your kind words of love and support. Joeyboy
Addiction is a full time job
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Brooklyn New York
Posts: 63
Sunflower, Congratulations on your son's one year. Good going. It's been 5 years of in and out of rehabs for my son. Because he wanted to do things his way. His way never worked. Now since he is out of our home, and we didnt put him out, he left. Cause he wanted to get high, and he knew he couldn't do it here. Now he is in the hands of his Aunt. She is clean 10 years and understands him so well. She does alot of work with NA and is a great role model. She told him, in these exact words. It's my way, or the highway. So, in the past 2 weeks, he detoxed on his own, and got blood and urine today which turned up clean. Tomorrow he enters a long term program. Sure hope it sticks. Thanks for the love and support to all at SR who comforted me, talked to me, understood me, applauded me, and cried with me. We are so fortunate to have each other. Sure hope your son sticks to his sobriety. 16 months is awesome. From what I know his brain has most likely gone back to normal 100%. God Bless you and your son. Wishing you Peace, and complete freedom from the disease of addiction. 
Joeyboy
It's been 5 years of in and out of rehabs for my son. Because he wanted to do things his way. His way never worked. Now since he is out of our home, and we didnt put him out, he left. Cause he wanted to get high, and he knew he couldn't do it here. Now he is in the hands of his Aunt. She is clean 10 years and understands him so well. She does alot of work with NA and is a great role model. She told him, in these exact words. It's my way, or the highway. So, in the past 2 weeks, he detoxed on his own, and got blood and urine today which turned up clean. Tomorrow he enters a long term program. Sure hope it sticks. Thanks for the love and support to all at SR who comforted me, talked to me, understood me, applauded me, and cried with me. We are so fortunate to have each other. Sure hope your son sticks to his sobriety. 16 months is awesome. From what I know his brain has most likely gone back to normal 100%. God Bless you and your son. Wishing you Peace, and complete freedom from the disease of addiction. 
Joeyboy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1
Thank you so much. I have finally read the words I have been trying to speek. I have lived with a multiple personality alcholic for 9 years. My husband is always struggling to get clean and stay clean. Thus far it is only getting worse.
There have been times when i have given guilt, anger and ultimatiums. Each of those attempts failed.
My love and Prayers go out to all of you, and finally for the first time I dont feel so alone in all of this. What an answer to prayer.
There have been times when i have given guilt, anger and ultimatiums. Each of those attempts failed.
My love and Prayers go out to all of you, and finally for the first time I dont feel so alone in all of this. What an answer to prayer.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
I waited....
In between I kept connected, nagged, and selected three rehabs for my son over 6 yrs.
While waiting I took action by working the steps myself...
I waited for my son to get well.
This time he was willing to battle addiction.
Today he is willing to manage his mental health and do what it takes to stay sober. He has been sober for a yr.
For those still waiting, there is always hope, but it take patience.
May your time come soon.
In between I kept connected, nagged, and selected three rehabs for my son over 6 yrs.
While waiting I took action by working the steps myself...
I waited for my son to get well.
This time he was willing to battle addiction.
Today he is willing to manage his mental health and do what it takes to stay sober. He has been sober for a yr.
For those still waiting, there is always hope, but it take patience.
May your time come soon.
remember to breathe
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
spiritual: great news on the year sober. it sure does take alot of patience huh?
well, to all those who celebrate sobriety with me I say....yeeeehaaaaa!!!! lol
to those who are still waiting...... peace will come, and I along with many others will be praying for you.
well, to all those who celebrate sobriety with me I say....yeeeehaaaaa!!!! lol
to those who are still waiting...... peace will come, and I along with many others will be praying for you.
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