Standing my ground is very painful
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
if you disagree with my post just PM me-I am very openminded. She was wondering what to do-concerned--and I told her what some options were. I am a take action kindof person--this is not a game..If you come here for a pat on the back and to be told''there there just think about yourself now'' I didn't realise it. I come here for education--wether I agree or disagree with what people posts.
I told her what worked for me and some others I know....something wrong with that? Can't sugar coat addiction. She has choices to make and they are hers alone--I feel her pain. In the end if something did happen she would live a life of guilt. Sometimes letting professional handle it is a good idea.She says he is mentally unstable--thats scary for her.It was for me too!
Wabbit to you I apologise if I offended you in anyway--not my intention,
but my son is clean--that shows the results of my forced treatment--I wanted him alive by any means needed....
And bookmiser???uh nevermind its too childish-but I am an RN and I do know how psych units work--they don't kick you out unless they want to be sued---so they don't ever---you get wild they lock leather you to a bed and shoot you up with Ativan...and the psych units ARE locked 24/7
I told her what worked for me and some others I know....something wrong with that? Can't sugar coat addiction. She has choices to make and they are hers alone--I feel her pain. In the end if something did happen she would live a life of guilt. Sometimes letting professional handle it is a good idea.She says he is mentally unstable--thats scary for her.It was for me too!
Wabbit to you I apologise if I offended you in anyway--not my intention,
but my son is clean--that shows the results of my forced treatment--I wanted him alive by any means needed....
And bookmiser???uh nevermind its too childish-but I am an RN and I do know how psych units work--they don't kick you out unless they want to be sued---so they don't ever---you get wild they lock leather you to a bed and shoot you up with Ativan...and the psych units ARE locked 24/7
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
OK I don't get it--are we playing little kid games here?
--I shared with everyone my own personal knowledge and experience as an RN
don't worry I won't give anymore ofmy personal experiences as a mother or a nurse anylonger. My son is sober I don't need to be here anymore to be subjected to this crap.
If I post I will just use the standard around her''''''you are wonderful-take care of you''''''
Sorry wabbit that this happened to your post when you are already dealing with so much pressure.......PM me if you want to talk to an adult.
--I shared with everyone my own personal knowledge and experience as an RN
don't worry I won't give anymore ofmy personal experiences as a mother or a nurse anylonger. My son is sober I don't need to be here anymore to be subjected to this crap.
If I post I will just use the standard around her''''''you are wonderful-take care of you''''''
Sorry wabbit that this happened to your post when you are already dealing with so much pressure.......PM me if you want to talk to an adult.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Wascally,
I've set my boundaries and will not let my son live with me, but when I think he is in danger I have him taken to a hospital. I've learned to tell the difference from manipulation and real danger most of the time. Either way he can't live with me when in active addiction. I've had him taken to the hospital 3 times and each time had positive results. It did not cure his addiction, but it got him past the suicidal depression.
He will either have to threaten suicide or threaten others to have him taken in. Just being homeless is not enough. He can also admit himself.
There have been other times when my son was just without a place to go because of the choices he made and this is a different situation. Being homeless was a consequence of his own choices. There were times he had to steal food. There were a few times he was arrested. These were all his own consequences. There really is a difference between mental health issues and bad choices and manipulation. It's tough to make decisions in the middle of it. If I am in real doubt not knowing which way to go I have him taken to the hospital if I can. If he threatens to harm himself you can call 911.
You can also have numbers of shelters on hand to give to him. He can stay the night in a hospital emergency waiting room. They usually don't know who is waiting to be seen. He can check himself into a mental hospital if he wants help. They can help him locate treatment. He has lots of options. If he won't choose any of the options there isn't much you can do if you can't get them to take him in.
There are risks to their addiction and sometimes we can't change that. I've tried just about everything. Rehabs, hospitals, psychologists, psychiatrists, jail, picking him up off the streets, having him live with me, kicking him out homeless, you name it. They will find the way when they are ready. The more I can give him responsibility for his own life and recovery the better chance he has. Any time I can let him pay natural consequences for his choices he has a better chance of changing his choices.
Most of it is out of my control and it's very, very hard sometimes.
Hugs,
MG
I've set my boundaries and will not let my son live with me, but when I think he is in danger I have him taken to a hospital. I've learned to tell the difference from manipulation and real danger most of the time. Either way he can't live with me when in active addiction. I've had him taken to the hospital 3 times and each time had positive results. It did not cure his addiction, but it got him past the suicidal depression.
He will either have to threaten suicide or threaten others to have him taken in. Just being homeless is not enough. He can also admit himself.
There have been other times when my son was just without a place to go because of the choices he made and this is a different situation. Being homeless was a consequence of his own choices. There were times he had to steal food. There were a few times he was arrested. These were all his own consequences. There really is a difference between mental health issues and bad choices and manipulation. It's tough to make decisions in the middle of it. If I am in real doubt not knowing which way to go I have him taken to the hospital if I can. If he threatens to harm himself you can call 911.
You can also have numbers of shelters on hand to give to him. He can stay the night in a hospital emergency waiting room. They usually don't know who is waiting to be seen. He can check himself into a mental hospital if he wants help. They can help him locate treatment. He has lots of options. If he won't choose any of the options there isn't much you can do if you can't get them to take him in.
There are risks to their addiction and sometimes we can't change that. I've tried just about everything. Rehabs, hospitals, psychologists, psychiatrists, jail, picking him up off the streets, having him live with me, kicking him out homeless, you name it. They will find the way when they are ready. The more I can give him responsibility for his own life and recovery the better chance he has. Any time I can let him pay natural consequences for his choices he has a better chance of changing his choices.
Most of it is out of my control and it's very, very hard sometimes.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
I agree that addicts are extremely resourceful when they want something. If he really really wants to turn his life around he will figure out how to do it.
Good for you detaching yourself from getting caught up in that phone call again. You are doing the right thing. Just breath and give yourself a hug. And here's one from me to you! (((HUG)))
Good for you detaching yourself from getting caught up in that phone call again. You are doing the right thing. Just breath and give yourself a hug. And here's one from me to you! (((HUG)))
Power is not having to respond
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Here it is Mother's Day. I am driving 2 hrs to see my mom, but niether of my own children can see me. How terrible and I bet that's happening to a lot of us.
I want to thank every single one of you for your encouragement. It means so much to me, it gives me options, and it helps me think.
The mentally ill part is what every user suffers: the inability to think clearly, the chaotic behavior, the insanity, the fears and the dread they all feel.
I will be back later today when I get back from my moms. Thank you so much once again. Without this board, I would truly feel all alone.
I want to thank every single one of you for your encouragement. It means so much to me, it gives me options, and it helps me think.
The mentally ill part is what every user suffers: the inability to think clearly, the chaotic behavior, the insanity, the fears and the dread they all feel.
I will be back later today when I get back from my moms. Thank you so much once again. Without this board, I would truly feel all alone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Hang in there. As we heal it gets easier...I think.
I empathize with you. My MIl is going through the same thing with my AH and BIL. We talked yesterday bout getting life insurance policies, due to the sad reality that they are worse then they have ever been
I empathize with you. My MIl is going through the same thing with my AH and BIL. We talked yesterday bout getting life insurance policies, due to the sad reality that they are worse then they have ever been
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Originally Posted by Sunflower 
OK I don't get it--are we playing little kid games here?
--I shared with everyone my own personal knowledge and experience as an RN
don't worry I won't give anymore ofmy personal experiences as a mother or a nurse anylonger. My son is sober I don't need to be here anymore to be subjected to this crap.
If I post I will just use the standard around her''''''you are wonderful-take care of you''''''
Sorry wabbit that this happened to your post when you are already dealing with so much pressure.......PM me if you want to talk to an adult.
--I shared with everyone my own personal knowledge and experience as an RN
don't worry I won't give anymore ofmy personal experiences as a mother or a nurse anylonger. My son is sober I don't need to be here anymore to be subjected to this crap.
If I post I will just use the standard around her''''''you are wonderful-take care of you''''''
Sorry wabbit that this happened to your post when you are already dealing with so much pressure.......PM me if you want to talk to an adult.
A person with an addict in the family must take care of themselves first. If they call the hospital everytime there addict is kicked out of a facility, mentally ill or not, all that happens is the relative gets thrown right back into the drama. In many cases, such as with my addicted mother, she will then know that I will do something for her if she calls in the future.
This is MY personal experience, and I am an adult.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: in the south
Posts: 219
hi wabbit,
I cannot offer you advise but I can offer you a suggestion. Please invest in a phone call to Bridges Of Hope and see if your son can go there. It is an honest, caring facility,(12 step) BUT the addict must be willing to go there. my son is doing well after six months clean. I just feel led to ask you to consider a phone call to this facility.....dixie (You will be in my prayers)
I cannot offer you advise but I can offer you a suggestion. Please invest in a phone call to Bridges Of Hope and see if your son can go there. It is an honest, caring facility,(12 step) BUT the addict must be willing to go there. my son is doing well after six months clean. I just feel led to ask you to consider a phone call to this facility.....dixie (You will be in my prayers)
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
Aww ((( Wascally ))) it is so darn hard to deal with. There are many great ideas posted and sometimes we need to do what feels right in our heart and gut.
You have my prayers, encouragement and support.
Our addicts don't know how to " be there" for themselves let alone Moms on Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day.
You have my prayers, encouragement and support.
Our addicts don't know how to " be there" for themselves let alone Moms on Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: At the zoo
Posts: 244
((((((((((((((((WW))))))))))))
I hope you had a good time at your moms and a nice Mother's Day.
I know exactly where your at with your son.
I was at that same place a month ago with my AD who's 21 and now again in recovery.
She was using again and intent on doing bodily harm to herself and ended up in the mental health unit for a few days till she sorted herself out. She made the decision to go there not me. It was one of a few options she had that night. Coming home was one option she didn't have at that time.
It was a locked unit and they searched everything I brought to her, but I wasn't searched and I don't think her friends who went to see her were either. If the patients acted out they were sedated but not kicked out.
It is very hard to not get caught up in their drama and not taking their calls is one way to do it. Do you go to meetings? If you go you'll get a phone list and boy does it come in handy sometimes. Especially when the drama lama is going strong.
When she yells I walk away, when things get really bad I reach for the phone.
Meetings, phone lists and forums are all great ways to take care of you and right now taking care of YOU is very important. Your son has to find his own way to recovery, you can't do it for him. If parents could drag their kids into recovery, there wouldn't be many people on here would there????????
I hope you had a good time at your moms and a nice Mother's Day.
I know exactly where your at with your son.
I was at that same place a month ago with my AD who's 21 and now again in recovery.
She was using again and intent on doing bodily harm to herself and ended up in the mental health unit for a few days till she sorted herself out. She made the decision to go there not me. It was one of a few options she had that night. Coming home was one option she didn't have at that time.
It was a locked unit and they searched everything I brought to her, but I wasn't searched and I don't think her friends who went to see her were either. If the patients acted out they were sedated but not kicked out.
It is very hard to not get caught up in their drama and not taking their calls is one way to do it. Do you go to meetings? If you go you'll get a phone list and boy does it come in handy sometimes. Especially when the drama lama is going strong.
When she yells I walk away, when things get really bad I reach for the phone.
Meetings, phone lists and forums are all great ways to take care of you and right now taking care of YOU is very important. Your son has to find his own way to recovery, you can't do it for him. If parents could drag their kids into recovery, there wouldn't be many people on here would there????????
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
Wabbit---thanks for the PM I am glad in some small way I was able to help you out.
If you want to talk further you can PM me again. I appreciate your wisdom-openmindedness and compassion.
I hope you had peace today and enjoyed Mothers Day--you so deserve it,,,,,,
If you want to talk further you can PM me again. I appreciate your wisdom-openmindedness and compassion.
I hope you had peace today and enjoyed Mothers Day--you so deserve it,,,,,,
Hug giver-outer!
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
WW,
I understand your pain. No one can say that anything works absolutely and always - there are many, many variables. I have learned the hard way, believe me, that I have to decide what works for me.
I cannot have a front-row seat to my addict daughter's addiction and subsequent behavior. I have learned that, for me! And I have definately realized that I cannot save her from herself. I cannot control her addictive behavior; I can only control how much it controls me.
You are not alone; we are all in this together and we all try to share what has worked or not worked for us through our own experiences. None of us are here to judge. And none of us has all the answers.
Take care of you and do what you feel you need to do so you don't become as sick or sicker than your addict.
I understand your pain. No one can say that anything works absolutely and always - there are many, many variables. I have learned the hard way, believe me, that I have to decide what works for me.
I cannot have a front-row seat to my addict daughter's addiction and subsequent behavior. I have learned that, for me! And I have definately realized that I cannot save her from herself. I cannot control her addictive behavior; I can only control how much it controls me.
You are not alone; we are all in this together and we all try to share what has worked or not worked for us through our own experiences. None of us are here to judge. And none of us has all the answers.
Take care of you and do what you feel you need to do so you don't become as sick or sicker than your addict.
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