Headline: AH bottoms out, goes to rehab!
Starry Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
Headline: AH bottoms out, goes to rehab!
Friends,
I just got home from taking my AH to rehab at the Salvation Army. Tonight he is safe, tonight I am safe from him, and one of my daily prayers has been answered. I have no idea if he will stay, or go, or whatever. Just for this minute, I am at peace knowing he's there.
AH has been using continuously and has been out of the house since Wednesday. I have spoken to lawyers and have a referral in to start paperwork next week for divorce or legal separation. I have put in some job apps too.
I was supposed to meet AH for dinner to discuss all this. Long story short, I found him high in his motel room. Probably one of the worst experiences of my life and the totally wrong thing to do, but I stayed and talked to him while he was completely coked out and crazed. One thing I will say is that he didn't make a break for the drugs, like I thought he would, and he didn't run, which I thought he would. I can't say he listened the whole time either. He kept saying he didn't want to get sober this minute. He needed more time, if I could just give him til tomorrow...
Well, in my very very last ditch effort I told him firmly that I loved him, and that he had three options: he could go to rehab, he could go to jail for stealing from me, or I would walk out the door and leave him to his drugs but he would NEVER speak to or see me or my son again. He kept begging me to let him do "just one more" and then he'd go wherever. It was so sad and sick. I just said no, there is no bargaining, it's black and white and if you can't make the choice I'll choose for you (meaning I'd call 911). He sat there white knuckled for an hour, and then suddenly he slumped forward and said "ok." I threw the drugs across the motel room and he emptied his pockets onto the bed. I stood up and opened the door and we walked out straight to my car leaving everything behind. We just started driving and finally found that the SA in Detroit could admit him this late on a friday night.
He said "I can't believe I was almost willing to go to jail for one last hit. But I want you to know that it wasn't the jail that scared me into going, it was never seeing you or my child again." Sounds perfect doesn't it, just what we all want to hear. Sigh, if only that would last. But, all I concentrated on was getting him in there tonight. What he decides to do from here on out is his. I told him I would help him get help and I meant it. I don't regret going there and doing that.
I sat with him while he did the paperwork and turned it in. Then I turned around and walked away. I can hope and pray that he stays safe and stays there, but I really did everything I could and thank god for even this small favor of tonight.
After I came back my really wonderful Dad, who has been my rock through all this, went with me to the seedy motel where AH was and helped dispose of the stuff. I couldn't look at it. And then took AH's car back to our house. My dad thinks AH checked into rehab just to keep his hooks in me, and that may well be true. But frankly, I don't care WHY he went I care that he DID GO. Him going to rehab doesn't change what he has done or what might happen with this divorce. But it does give my son another chance to have a father. And gives me a few more days, at least, to decide what I really want.
Thanks for reading this far if you have, I know it's long, but I feel like this is good news for my family even though we are still broken up. Everything could change tomorrow in an instant but I'm glad I can sleep well tonight.
Hugs!
I just got home from taking my AH to rehab at the Salvation Army. Tonight he is safe, tonight I am safe from him, and one of my daily prayers has been answered. I have no idea if he will stay, or go, or whatever. Just for this minute, I am at peace knowing he's there.
AH has been using continuously and has been out of the house since Wednesday. I have spoken to lawyers and have a referral in to start paperwork next week for divorce or legal separation. I have put in some job apps too.
I was supposed to meet AH for dinner to discuss all this. Long story short, I found him high in his motel room. Probably one of the worst experiences of my life and the totally wrong thing to do, but I stayed and talked to him while he was completely coked out and crazed. One thing I will say is that he didn't make a break for the drugs, like I thought he would, and he didn't run, which I thought he would. I can't say he listened the whole time either. He kept saying he didn't want to get sober this minute. He needed more time, if I could just give him til tomorrow...
Well, in my very very last ditch effort I told him firmly that I loved him, and that he had three options: he could go to rehab, he could go to jail for stealing from me, or I would walk out the door and leave him to his drugs but he would NEVER speak to or see me or my son again. He kept begging me to let him do "just one more" and then he'd go wherever. It was so sad and sick. I just said no, there is no bargaining, it's black and white and if you can't make the choice I'll choose for you (meaning I'd call 911). He sat there white knuckled for an hour, and then suddenly he slumped forward and said "ok." I threw the drugs across the motel room and he emptied his pockets onto the bed. I stood up and opened the door and we walked out straight to my car leaving everything behind. We just started driving and finally found that the SA in Detroit could admit him this late on a friday night.
He said "I can't believe I was almost willing to go to jail for one last hit. But I want you to know that it wasn't the jail that scared me into going, it was never seeing you or my child again." Sounds perfect doesn't it, just what we all want to hear. Sigh, if only that would last. But, all I concentrated on was getting him in there tonight. What he decides to do from here on out is his. I told him I would help him get help and I meant it. I don't regret going there and doing that.
I sat with him while he did the paperwork and turned it in. Then I turned around and walked away. I can hope and pray that he stays safe and stays there, but I really did everything I could and thank god for even this small favor of tonight.
After I came back my really wonderful Dad, who has been my rock through all this, went with me to the seedy motel where AH was and helped dispose of the stuff. I couldn't look at it. And then took AH's car back to our house. My dad thinks AH checked into rehab just to keep his hooks in me, and that may well be true. But frankly, I don't care WHY he went I care that he DID GO. Him going to rehab doesn't change what he has done or what might happen with this divorce. But it does give my son another chance to have a father. And gives me a few more days, at least, to decide what I really want.
Thanks for reading this far if you have, I know it's long, but I feel like this is good news for my family even though we are still broken up. Everything could change tomorrow in an instant but I'm glad I can sleep well tonight.
Hugs!
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Oh Meggie, I can see the scene in my mind. He is so sick with addiction. It's just so sad to realize right here in your story, just how compulsive addiction is. It's like they want to stop, but can't stop themselves.
At least you are safe. I hope this works out for everyone involved.
At least you are safe. I hope this works out for everyone involved.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
you are a strong person--some would see this as weak--but there is a huge difference--you weren't sayin to him i love you just come home and we can work on it--you TOOK ACTION--you brought him to the rehab-like any desent person would.Now let him get sober/clean so maybe he will clear that brain fog and think more clearly,. Rehab is a start anyway you look at it.
Stay strong--you only want to help him get into treatment programs not run your life.
If he signs himself out--press the charges-let the courts work with him-ask for a lockdown facility from the judge--if he does this (court ordered) you will drop the charges.
I will be praying for you--nice to meet an individual here who does what is right for them--amazing!
Stay strong--you only want to help him get into treatment programs not run your life.
If he signs himself out--press the charges-let the courts work with him-ask for a lockdown facility from the judge--if he does this (court ordered) you will drop the charges.
I will be praying for you--nice to meet an individual here who does what is right for them--amazing!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Meggie, my prayers go out for all of you. I am so glad that you will finally have some peace and time to clear your head and decide what is best for you. And if you can't decide now, then live in the day and enjoy that lack of chaos. The answer will come when you are ready.
Hugs
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
meggie,i really hope he stays & really wants to work this program.you did everything you can do.you have nothing to feel guilty about & now you can start to live how ever you choose to do it.saying a prayer for your husband & for you too.you are so lucky to have the great dad that you do.hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
(((Meggie)))
Thats the BEST news ever.
Talk about prayers answered.
Your strength is so damn inspiring. I hope you are proud of ourself. You should be. Who cares why your AH went to the SA. In the state he was in, it simply doesn't matter. I am praying as hard as I can that your AH sees the light. Miracles happen everyday Meggie...every single day. Only good things can come from this turn of events. Even if your AH doesn't embrace recovery, at least he's one step closer to surrender and thats so important. You have a great attitude about all of it and I really and truly admire your strength.
Hugs to you and your sweet little boy...
And even bigger hugs to your Dad right now.
I hope you managed to get a good nights sleep last night...and in the nights to come...
Hugs and prayers...
Thats the BEST news ever.
Talk about prayers answered.
Your strength is so damn inspiring. I hope you are proud of ourself. You should be. Who cares why your AH went to the SA. In the state he was in, it simply doesn't matter. I am praying as hard as I can that your AH sees the light. Miracles happen everyday Meggie...every single day. Only good things can come from this turn of events. Even if your AH doesn't embrace recovery, at least he's one step closer to surrender and thats so important. You have a great attitude about all of it and I really and truly admire your strength.
Hugs to you and your sweet little boy...
And even bigger hugs to your Dad right now.
I hope you managed to get a good nights sleep last night...and in the nights to come...
Hugs and prayers...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Meggie
I know what you did was hard todo; but you sound like a strong woman. I hope this gives you some nights of good sleep and peace.
Also KUDOS to your dad! How awesome to have someone who would help you go back to the motel room and clean up the mess. Hats off to him for supporting you in this.
Praying you have some restful days ahead. Praying that this is the start of his recovery.
Hugs to you
Terri
I know what you did was hard todo; but you sound like a strong woman. I hope this gives you some nights of good sleep and peace.
Also KUDOS to your dad! How awesome to have someone who would help you go back to the motel room and clean up the mess. Hats off to him for supporting you in this.
Praying you have some restful days ahead. Praying that this is the start of his recovery.
Hugs to you
Terri
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
You deserve a man in your life as wonderful as that Dad of yours, hon. I am so glad he is there with you.
I do send prayers for your husband... that this can be his time for recovery. And also prayers for you and your baby....((hugs))
I do send prayers for your husband... that this can be his time for recovery. And also prayers for you and your baby....((hugs))
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
(((((Meggie))))))
I'm really happy for you, and little man, that AH made a good decision...and really have to say that you have absolutely shined throughout this entire situation. You are an amazing woman, and truly one of my 'treasures."
I'm really happy for you, and little man, that AH made a good decision...and really have to say that you have absolutely shined throughout this entire situation. You are an amazing woman, and truly one of my 'treasures."
Starry Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
Aww ((You guys))
Thanks so much. This morning I slept in a little because I didn't want to get up and face the day. Then I bit the bullet and cleaned out AH's car. Actually didn't find anything shocking, just threw alot away and then bagged up his clothes and put them in the basement. Then I packed some bags and took them to him at the SA, since he literally only had the clothes on his back.
Surpisingly, they allowed him to come to get the bags while I was there. We ended up talking for about ten minutes. Apparently, this SA has recently been remodeled and is very nice inside with lots of space and several large tV rooms. AH said he hadnt been put to work yet so he was just hanging out in the TV rooms. He said he's so glad he is there and he is grateful to be there today. We didn't talk too much about details, I think he does understand that I'm not promising him anything and am still following through with my plan.
Tomorrow is family day so I am going there to finalize what details I can about his paycheck for this week and future arrangements. I told my son today that his Dad wouldn't be living at our house anymore. I simply said that Daddy is very sick and he needs to get better and now he's going to live in his own house, while son and I are going to live in our house. So far my son hasn't been crying for his Dad. I think he intuitively knows that things are going to be much better around here. I am reinforcing how much his Daddy and I love him and that that won't change no matter what.
One thing I found to be strange is that when I cleaned out AH's car, I found my son's school picture that I had framed in our living room. I hadn't noticed that he had taken it, but even in his crazy insane mindset he still took the picture of his son. I think that is good, and shows some small amount of humanity.
Today is a hard day, but it is a good day.
Thanks so much. This morning I slept in a little because I didn't want to get up and face the day. Then I bit the bullet and cleaned out AH's car. Actually didn't find anything shocking, just threw alot away and then bagged up his clothes and put them in the basement. Then I packed some bags and took them to him at the SA, since he literally only had the clothes on his back.
Surpisingly, they allowed him to come to get the bags while I was there. We ended up talking for about ten minutes. Apparently, this SA has recently been remodeled and is very nice inside with lots of space and several large tV rooms. AH said he hadnt been put to work yet so he was just hanging out in the TV rooms. He said he's so glad he is there and he is grateful to be there today. We didn't talk too much about details, I think he does understand that I'm not promising him anything and am still following through with my plan.
Tomorrow is family day so I am going there to finalize what details I can about his paycheck for this week and future arrangements. I told my son today that his Dad wouldn't be living at our house anymore. I simply said that Daddy is very sick and he needs to get better and now he's going to live in his own house, while son and I are going to live in our house. So far my son hasn't been crying for his Dad. I think he intuitively knows that things are going to be much better around here. I am reinforcing how much his Daddy and I love him and that that won't change no matter what.
One thing I found to be strange is that when I cleaned out AH's car, I found my son's school picture that I had framed in our living room. I hadn't noticed that he had taken it, but even in his crazy insane mindset he still took the picture of his son. I think that is good, and shows some small amount of humanity.
Today is a hard day, but it is a good day.
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