Elana

I don't have any children and my A is gone from my life, but here is something for those who have an Addict in their life and have children.

Are your children SAFE? Has your addict ever used around them? Had your addict ever threatened you either with words or actual physical violence? Has your addict ever left drugs where your kids could get into them?

If the answer to ANY of these questions is YES, perhaps you should really think about the situation and, if you do not have the strength to remove yourself from harms way, AT LEAST REMOVE YOUR CHILDREN FROM HARM!!!!

If that means they cannot see Daddy or Mommy or their older sibling or your BF or your GF then SO BE IT. If the Addict continues to use, it may mean they cannot see that addict again until they are adults.

I know this sounds harsh.. especially if your A is not a steady user and there are cute times.. when it APPEARS love flows... but what are you teaching your kids EVERY TIIME YOU LET YOUR ADDICT BACK?

Every time you tolerat VERBAL ABUSE, PHYSICAL ABUSE or EMOTIONAL ABUSE what are you teaching your kids? That it is OK to not only BE abused but to GIVE abuse.

They do not see the view only from your eyes.

teke

thanks elana, something to think about, still praying for ya

Blackrose2756

Once again, my experience. My 1st husband "seemed" to be sober 8 years. When he blew, it was big time. It destroyed how my daughter felt about the center of her world. A very wise man at the time (her pediatrician who had LOTS of years sober in AA) said to her....."Your father will never be able to deal with life until he can deal with the demons of his past". And until that happens, there is NOTHING you can do to "fix" this relationship. You need to stay away from him. 5 years later, I spoke to this man again & he said to me...."did you ever dump the loser?" And even though my daughter tried several times to communicate with her dad again....he ignores her. And even though she says she fine....I know it tears her up.

In other words, I agree with Alana.

Lynne

dollydo

Well, I can only speak for myself, having grown up with two alcoholics, verbal abuse,
physical violence, I can tell you it has affected my entire life.

I read most of the threads here, I must be honest, when one puts an "A" before their children, I cringe, I really have to temper my response, as I know what an impact it will have on the children. So many try to fool themselves, just because the child doesn't say anything doesn't mean they do not see and hear what's going on.
They do, there is no fooling a child, no matter how hard they try.

Just my two cents, thank you for posting this....and I am glad you are back.

cinderellawkids

Thats why it is so important to talk with your children and know how they think feel ect. My children and I sit every night for atleast 15 minutes, they each discuss whats on their mind. There thoughts are amazing. With imput and strength from my innocent children we made a pact "Daddy has to get better adn show us he's better by taking care of us away from us for almost a year, Daddy has to think of us, not himself when he's around us, Daddy has to follow through with plans we make, and daddy cant confuse barrowing and stealing, because with him we enver see barrowed things again."
I added in that until I feel its okay for him to see or talk to them he will not. at this point he hasnt even asked.
Its amazing what 5 year olds and 9 year olds know see and feel

dollydo

Cinder,

Couldn't have said it better,and yes, children are amazing.

Elana

I am not from a home of alcoholics or addicts. However, I read here and in the papers almost DAILY about kids who are the subject of neglect, abuse and yes, even death.

As the non addict, you see the abuse. The child gets to see not only the abuse, but the power the abuser has over the victim. Many children, it seems, go on to become abusers if they are exposed to abuse and abusive relationships.

Ot:
Hi Dolly! It is good to be back. My Mom loved the trip, my cats are happy I am home and my bosses wereglad to see me tho they could not believe I would actually show up for a Friday and then take the weekend. I told them I was trying a new work schedule.. Vacation for 10 days and work for one....

dollydo

E,
Love that schedule! I am so glad you enjoyed your vacation!

susieque5

Amen, Elana. Thank you for this post.
Hugs,
Susie

Elana

You are welcome SQ5.

The news is filled with stories of children living with no love and in danger.. because of some parent living with an addict or needing drugs for themselves.