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is it a start or too little too late..??

Old 05-11-2007, 01:51 PM
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is it a start or too little too late..??

My ah is admitting that "it" is a serious problem and that he does not believe it is ok to do..the last thing in the world he wants is to loose his family...so he is starting with this: (which may be a start, but i just dont think it is enough to get him off; also i saw that he had been visitin websites on cocacine addiction..i thought that was a positive sign).

He is closing all credit cards except ones that come to the house, and will get a credit statement every month to show he is not taking anymore cash advances.

He says he will get his cell phone # changed so that his "certain friends i dont like" cant call him. (at one time he had a 2nd cell phone, so this really does nothing for me).

He will continue to go to counseling with me to the therapist with an addiction certification.

He will help me out more with the kids, around the house, etc....

Maybe it is somewhat of a start but it is not like he is going to meetings, or to rehab. Maybe it can be done without that, but still, i think he at least needs intensive individual therapy.
also, the fact that he hasnt really slept much in the past 2 days makes me think that it hasnt reallly stopped...

any thoughts????
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Old 05-11-2007, 01:53 PM
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actions, not words. i hope he is sincere. you and your kids deserve it. blessings, k
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Old 05-11-2007, 01:55 PM
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drained,

You'll know if it is a good thing if he actually does these things. Write it down in your journal and check back in a few weeks. Did he do them or was he just quacking?

That's the problem with addicts. They're all talk when it looks like things might not go their way. I hope, for your sake, that this time it's for real. You deserve better. Prayers for you that things are looking up and stay that way.

Hugs,
GL
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Old 05-11-2007, 01:55 PM
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Sounds like quacking to me especially since he has not slept in 2 days. IN your put above comments you said "He knows this" and "HE says this". Actions speak louder than words. Truely nothing he mentioned above could not be found away around by a skillful hustler addict. Keep your eyes, ears and nose open...i smell a skunk.
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Old 05-11-2007, 01:55 PM
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sounds like a good start but his actions will speak louder than his words, look for that, in the mean time, take care of you. i've heard it all before, i'm learning to depend only on what i see and not what i hear.

on the other hand, when i started looking for info on addiction, i meant to see how it was related to me and what i was going through. i was at the verge of considering the fact that i may be an addict. i pray that he finds all the info that he needs to convince him that he needs to stick with the help that he's offered
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Old 05-11-2007, 02:02 PM
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Best wishes to you--no way to really ever know is there? Make sure he has done all he has promised--and continue with the counselling--sounds like a new beginning--I pray it is!Oh and in my own opinion it is never too late--as long as there is life there is hope!
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Old 05-11-2007, 02:07 PM
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Maybe he is just starting to get it...how do you ever top worrying and wondering if he is using??? And is it ever fair to you, the wife, who will always have to be on the "look-out"?? how do you gain trust back??
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Old 05-11-2007, 02:17 PM
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I wish there was a clear answer--but everyone is different. I to stuggle with trust and always ''wondering''It is starting to get better the longer my son stays clean.
You have to give it up the checking the wondering--he will either do it or he won't no matter how much you think/worry.So you need to distract yourself to other issues other than his recovery.
Maybe this is the time he will make it! I always try to put a positive spin on it-believe it always--and when i start to freak out and wonder I come here and everyone talks me off the edge of the cliff.But I don't share that with my AS ever.I have learned to be silent-keep the bad thoughts to myself.
Eventually you will trust agin--takes time to heal all the damage they do to us...just don't expect him to help you on it--he has his own stuff to work out-and won't be able to handle much of anything else---thats why you should come here when you feel weak--of if you go to alanon-go to meetings and share there.
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Old 05-11-2007, 02:17 PM
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All I can give you is my experience. I heard all the same "words". But nothing changed. Actions count. And why should you trust him?????? NOTHING has changed. My ex went to a counselor for about 6 months & was using the whole time. She never guessed. I can tell you that the last time he got out of jail (worked a new program inside), he came home & did ALL of those things...plus meetings, & everything I asked that "helped" me to rebuild trust. (Called if he was working a little later, had NO cell phone, put all his money in my account because he didn't want to be carrying money. And I began to trust again. (After 6 months of this) Sadly, 2 weeks later he relapsed & that time was the last straw. Because I was so convinced he had it made again. (He had 6 years prior clean time when he walked back into my life) So, yes, you can rebuild trust again. But THEY have to do something to earn it.

Lynne
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Old 05-11-2007, 02:20 PM
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if they stay clean/sober that is good enough--day by day---babysteps.
Blackrose--how disappointed you must be--so sorry for your pain
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Old 05-11-2007, 04:26 PM
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A start is going to meetings, working a program...the credit card thing is a red herring,
he will outwit you, he already has it figured out.

Actions, not words, your children's well-being first.
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Old 05-11-2007, 06:42 PM
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ditto parentrecovers. it really is actions not words. At least he is saying positive things instead of the mean things some addicts say. Hopefully he means it.
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Old 05-11-2007, 07:34 PM
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Tell him to walk the walk, not talk the talk.
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Old 05-11-2007, 10:40 PM
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time for you to take action and follow up--make sure he is doing as he says-then go from there--best of luck to you....
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