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Really upset

Old 05-11-2007, 10:53 AM
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Really upset

I think I may have jumped the gun yesterday about my son. Went to use my mastercard yesterday and access was denied. It looks like May 3 he cashed one of the access cheques on my account. Now wonder I never received a bill, he must of got the mail took those cheques out, put them away just before he left or was kicked out he cashed another 3500.00 before he left and $1200.00 since hes been homeless. Poor kid I felt sorry for him out there no money!!! I am so mad I can not use my card until I receive the copies of cheques. Then I will have to take them to the police. He called pretty messed up this morning said he didnt do it, I said we would wait till the proof came in.
I told him he was a bum and his worst nightmare had come true no home, no job, and addicted to drugs. He was quite upset with me for saying this. I felt sorry for him, yet he told one of non using friends dont tell my mom I have any money that way she might help me out. He missed his appointment with his counsellor yesterday, lied about that. Then I go to get my leather jacket yesterday its gone ( he probably sold that too) I told him no money, no home and no help anymore with anything.
I did tell him I would give him a drive to his intake appointment next week if he shows other then that I cant help him until he helps himself. I feel bad for calling him a bum, but he walks around like a rich kid who has it all together yet inside I know he is in pain. I have let this kid put me in financial ruin.
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Old 05-11-2007, 11:13 AM
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Sorry you (or any parent) has to go through this. You are not alone! I've been there--am there.
my prayers,
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Old 05-11-2007, 11:25 AM
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I must say you are a good mom for not kicking his @$$ for a month instead of being upset. He is stealing your property, putting you into financial ruin or at least hardships. He obviously has forged your signature on the checks that he stole. Frankly though you may feel your statement was too strong I think it was certainly true and could have been worse. You could have added his credit card fraud and theft to his list of issues. In fact i bet if any one else had done this to you, there would be no remorse for the criminal or chances are someone elses addcit hurting you. He is your son and he is doing crimes against his family when he does things like this. Also who else has he or is he going to do this to? Like most As your son has become wolf in sheeps clothing victimising anyone that he can. Please be more gentle with yourself, you are human and I would be livid if I was you. He is your dna but until or if he is ever sober, he will not be the same son you use to know. Prayers to you.
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Old 05-11-2007, 11:44 AM
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see its the playing of games between the 2 of you-I told him this-he said that--he probably doesnt even remember half of it--so it is pointless to upset yourself trying to reason with him.
File charges-take action-talk with the judge--have him locked down in a detox asap--maybe it will save him.....((((HUGS))))))
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Old 05-11-2007, 11:48 AM
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let it grow!
 
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addicts lie and steal. it's horrible, but that's what they do. have you changed your locks and your account passwords?

i'm so sorry you're going through this. it's so painful.

prayers, k
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Old 05-11-2007, 01:04 PM
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i'm sorry you had to go through all of this too. seems like they have a way of catching us off guard, and can find a needle in a hay stack if the reward was more drugs, yet for some reason, they sometimes can't find a home or food. be there done that. no matter where i hid my things, my ah managed to find them when i was least expected. still praying for ya.
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Old 05-11-2007, 01:13 PM
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Katie, Sorry you are feeling badly. If "bum" is the worst thing you have ever called your son, then he is lucky. I spent the winter before last calling my daughter every bad name in the book. So don't beat yourself up about it or start feeling guilty and then sorry for him. He has choices and right now his choices need to net him some consequences. Hugs, Marle
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Old 05-11-2007, 04:28 PM
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((((((Katie))))))))
I feel for you, hon. It hurts us so much to see what they are capable of doing to us. The fact that they did it makes it even worse than the missing jacket, the money, etc. You just aren't supposed to do these things to your parents. Desperate people do desperate things. I'm in a financial hole over rehab costs, cars, medical bills, dental bills. She has never stolen anything from me, but all the same, if she were able to provide for herself and do right I would'nt have had to pay for rehabs, etc. Especially when she came out and after some clean time she was back at it again. There comes a point when it all to stop. She certainly won't be able to take care of me when I'm old and out of money. Hugs...........Lo

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Old 05-11-2007, 04:32 PM
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(((Katie)))) Each of has grown through addiction. Some of us grew strength to enforce reasonable boundaries. Many of the addicts here have grown confidence and faith that they can get and stay clean. Some of our members have grown compassion and hope.

As we grow, we change. The changes you've expressed sound good and reasonable. The emotions that go with those changes are sometimes difficult, but necessary to go through.

Funny, how we worry about calling our addict an inappropriate name .... while most of us have endured being CALLED names by our loved ones in active addiction.

I pray that as your strength grows, he will see you as someone he can count on to love him enough to continue to say "no".

(((hugs)))
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Old 05-11-2007, 04:38 PM
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I did the same thing. When I caught my as stealing money out of his dad's wallet, I told him he made me sick and that he was a disgrace and disgusting. I was so angry at the time. He didn't quite put us in financial ruin as he would take a $20 hear and a $20 there, but he did have a bank account at the same bank as mine, and when he withdrew way over what he had in there, and couldn't pay it back, the bank took $800 from my account. Nice of them wasn't it? Then I could add the 2 schools that I have to pay for since I co-signed the loans, and the cracked up cars. Wow, it does add up doesn't it?

They do drive us to say things that we would normally not say. I wouldn't dream of talking like that to his 2 siblings. It is sad and you know their in pain, but we do have to take care of ourselves.
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Old 05-11-2007, 05:36 PM
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(((Katie))) I know that sick feeling in our stomach when we discover each theft. No mother should ever have to feel that about their child.

You and your son are in my prayers. Have you tried any meetings yet?

Hugs
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Old 05-11-2007, 06:27 PM
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I can relate to the calling him a bum. I called my son a loser in a moment of extreme anger and I regretted it. This was on a day he spit in my face and tried to break my car door off. I didnt' speak to him for over a week. But when I finally did, I apologized. Even though calling him a loser was a true statement, I still felt terrible for saying it. I know he needs help.
There's a lot more to the story, of course, but I just wanted to say I understand how you feel.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:25 PM
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Us mothers are so forgiving. Son took our card twice and bought clothes. Said he needed new clothes, his was old and ratty. Of course he didnt see what I had been wearing. They only think of themselves. That is what drugs do to them.
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Old 05-14-2007, 08:06 AM
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Thanks your replies are all correct. Why do we feel so bad for saying these things because were there parents. I have heard the drug counsellors light in to them. I was heard a counsellor say to a heoine addict your not worth the scum I walk on, any man that would choose drugs over there children. I was quite horrified to hear that, yet the mans reply was " he put his head down and said ya! your right" he has been clean three years works the program and his children back. I just will not tolerate ripping me off anymore. I am filing charges against him I should have done it two years ago. he called last nite and told me he was sleeping in a park, all I said to him was it was a warm nite out and he hung up on me. He truly beleives I will bring him back in to the house. No way not as long as hes using. Its no wonder he doesnt have a garage sale when were not home. We just noticed one of our tv sets are missing from the basement.
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Old 05-14-2007, 08:15 AM
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let it grow!
 
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i am so sorry, katie. i support you in protecting your home and your belongings.

blessings, k
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Old 05-14-2007, 09:33 AM
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I'm sorry, too. Been there! Stand your ground--it hurts and it will get worse! But, know you are doing what is right for you and him!
my prayers,
susan
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Old 05-14-2007, 09:38 AM
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Katie, I am so sorry your son did what he did. I will pray the he gets better soon and goes to the intake appointment.

Hugs,
Jewel
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Old 05-14-2007, 04:08 PM
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there is hope

i know your pain, there is no easy answer. your right in turning him in. believe it or not but you very well could be saving his life. Its better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6. he is headed for prison or death if something is not done. i agree with the other reply, talk to the judge and request he order him to rehab, then on to a half-way house. Most judges order that to first time offenders, also they put a jail sentence over their head so if they dont fulfill their program then its off to jail. I was that addict that was stealing from my family and lying to everyone. i thank god everyday for everyone turning their back on me because if they hadnt done that i would either be in prison or dead. Also i would suggest you find a local alanon or naranon, these arwe support groups for families of alcoholics and addicts. stay strong, hold your ground. dont back down. his life is at stake.
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Old 05-14-2007, 04:22 PM
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I dont have any words to make u feel better. Just (((HUGS)))
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Old 05-14-2007, 04:45 PM
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I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm not one for any advice here so I'll just think of you and pray for you and your son. Hopefully he can come to realize what he needs to do soon.
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