mooselips

Meggie,
It's been a long haul for you. YOU, AND your son, deserve a good life, and all that comes with it.
I'm happy for the decision you've made to move on.

There's a very happy, serene, life just waiting for you out there.

Hugs, and prayers for you, and the little guy.

bookmiser

(((((((Meggie))))))))

I feel terrible for all that you had to endure with your ah.
Yet, it brought you to the place in your heart and mind, that will save your sanity, make you safe, emotionally, to move on with your life, and give your son the opportunity to live in a happy and well adjusted home, without the black cloud of addiction hanging over it.
I applaud you, sweetie. That took guts, courage, strength, and love.
I spent 10 years with my exah. 10 years of trying to love him into sobriety.
My children were 3 and 8 when I left him.
It was hard starting over, but I was determined. Just as you sound...Finished.
Sending heartfelt prayers up for you, your son, and your ah.
You can do this. If I could, anyone can. We're all here for you, sweetie.
For support, hugs, prayers, and a shoulder to cry on, too.
With love and understanding,

WENDYLOST101

(((((Meggie)))))

susieque5

Meggie,
Your locksmith gave you great advice re: the garage door opener...wish mine had told me that. I didn't even think of it and went through a couple of months of sleepless nights until I got my opener back from exAH....every time the icemaker went on I was scared to death it was the garage door opening!!

You will be amazed how much peace you will find away from the chaos. Hugs and prayers going out to you and your son.
Susie

Cupicake

Meggie.....

"The fear of staying with the addict becomes greater than your fear of being alone."
There is definitely an "end of the rope" to reach. For each of us the rope is a different length. I'm just so sorry that it had to come to this for you.

The experience for me, since last November when I filed for a divorce has been.....
1. heartache
2. peacefullness
3. grieving my marriage
4. peacefullness
5. realizing I've lost myself so much that it was time for a rediscovery
6. anger for not knowing myself
7. feeling of hopelessness
8. realizing that I don't think the same way I used to 4 years ago because somewhere in the midst of being swallowed by my AH's addiction I did grow
9. peacefullness
10. found comfort in reinventing myself to suit who I have become today
11. realization that I've become stronger of mind, body and spirit and no longer some kind of push over
12. peacefullness
13. I no longer fear having my outside match how I feel on the inside
14. Contentment

I know that there is more of this journey for me but it has been so interesting that I must confess that I am enjoying it. I hope after all the craziness in getting all of your affairs in order and after all that's said and done - - I hope that your journey is just as interesting and fulfilling. It is true, what everyone says, things do get better. You just need the patience and willingness. Don't rush things. Take things day by day. HP has a way of helping to push things along when needed - - you will see.

I wish I had wiser words to say or more comforting words to say. I just thought the best way to let you know that all will be okay is by letting you in on my experience.

You are in my thoughts Meggie....many many hugs to you.

duet_4-8

Meggie,
I'm sorry that you went through this, but I am happy that you have found the strength to do what you have to do, because that strength is not an easy thing to find. I filed 10 weeks ago after 25 years of marriage. It isn't easy but it IS worth it. You are worth it. Your child is worth it. You will be just fine and you will discover that you can, in fact, do a lot of things that you thought you never could.

What susieque said above sums it up for me. Peace, away from the chaos. Hugs and prayers to you, sister!

Elana

Not much to add here except for you to call the phone company and change your cell and your home phone number and request an entirely new number if you can.

My X figured out mine (he worked for a bounty hunter and a skip tracer b4 I knew him). He might not have if I had a new number never used by anyone else.

Also, change your Email addy and ISP.

Sorry it got like this but I keep saying it, human beings who are on drugs and who are high are very dangerous people. You cannot predict what they will do.

itiswhatitis...

meg,

wow - like you said, oh.my.god. - what a long strange trip to get where your going - glad your dad was there - in time (if he didn't lose his legs or something) it will be funny to reminisce with your dad about that crazy nite when the universe unfolded just as it should...

and i like how you changed your signature to *queen of yourself* - wear that crown with the strength and pride you gained going through the years of hell...

with love,
s

CatsPajamas

Gosh Meggie, your headline made me laugh too. sometimes it takes something so outrageous like a person jumping out of a window 20ft. off the ground & surviving just to show us how powerless we are over this disease .

You are a strong and smart woman and I know that you'll do what's best for yourself and your son .

We are here with you every step of the way .

with love and hugs ,

Cats

parentrecovers

it really is amazing what they survive...

MeggieStar

Update:

I had to postpone the lawyer meeting til tomorrow at 3. My dad is hell bent on finding better representation.

I still need to go to the police station to file the report about the stolen credit card. I'm having a hard time doing that.

AH called me at about 9 am this morning. He had just checked into a motel after driving around all night, paranoid and sketched out. He wanted to "talk" and he wanted to come to my house to do it. I said no. I offered to meet him at a restaurant for coffee or at a park and he chose the park. My dad made sure he watched the whole encounter from his car across the street.

AH was still messed up, of course, but not crazed like last night. He asked that I allow him time to come down and then we could "talk some more, after we had given it some more time." I was gentle but I said I didn't need more time. I informed him of my plans to file for divorce and to press charges. We talked for about twenty minutes, no big drama, and then I left. I did take him some beef jerky and sun chips and his bathroom stuff like shampoo, just to get it out of my sight. (Sometimes it's the small things or the shaving cream smell that gets me.)

I got home about an hour later and he called ten minutes after. Crying, sobbing, begging to come home, begging for another chance, swearing he'd do whatever it took (*except* go to rehab, of course), saying he was scared, he didn't want to lose me or our son, didn't want to get divorced, just wanted to hold me, etc etc.

I held firm, and I told him he absolutely couldn't come home. He has his motel for this night, then he's out on the street. As sad as that is, I cannot fund his life choices and I can't give him money. He knows there are places to go like the SA. He'd go back and forth between hysterical sobbing and dreadful calm, saying everything was going to be ok, he knew he had to get his own place and do this on his own, then going back to begging to come home. Blah.

I am supposed to meet him later to give him his cell charger and his AA meeting booklet which he asked for. I don't know....I really wish he could just come home but nothing changes if nothing changes. I can't live with this anymore. He keeps wanting to come to the house but I can't allow that. I did get the garage door opener back from him.

I just hate all this going on, and not truly wanting to file for the big D but knowing he's left me with no choice. I know what the right decision is and I'm making it, but unwillingly too. Now I just have to find the courage to report the stolen credit card to the police even though he begged me not to and promised hed come up with the money by borrowing it from his boss. I just can't trust that though, so I'm going to file the report. Sigh.

Thanks for listening.

outonalimb

You must be so tired Meggie.
You've been thru so much in such a short amount of time.

For what its worth...I didn't file for divorce with a song in my heart. I did it because I knew I had to. I knew it was a matter of survival. But I did it with a heavy heart nonethless.

None of this is easy.
None of it!!

I hope you can get some rest...
Things will probably look alot clearer with a good nights sleep under your belt.

Hugs...

hope213

meg, i am glad you,your son & your dad are ok.i am also glad your husband is ok. you are ready i can see that.you are not wasting any time getting a lawyer.that is a good thing.it shows you are very confident.you are going to be ok. saying prayers for you. stay safe you never know what that crazy man is going to do.hugs,

rayofsunshine

Sorry you're going through this. Sending prayers for strength and courage to make
the decisions you need to make. (((Meggiestar)))

hope213

meg, i did not realize this had a page two. just stay strong.he is not going to change, not now.you have your dad backing you & that is a good thing.prayers ,hope

duet_4-8

Filing didn't make me happy, either. But, like outonalimb says, it was a matter of survival for me. I just knew I couldn't take the insanity any longer. (BTW-good legal counsel is CRUCIAL when dealing with an addict because they are masters at deception; you are blessed to have a dad that is going to bat for you.)

It is difficult to know that someone that you have loved is self-destructing. But there is nothing you can do about it and you don't have to watch. You don't have to get caught in the whirlwind and get sucked down with him.

Like you said, if nothing changes then nothing changes. I'm sure you already know that if you let him come home, you are just getting right back on the merry-go-round with him.

You deserve better. You are worth it. It feels really strange and somehow selfish to start taking care of ourselves after denying our own needs for so long. But it is not selfish, it is healthy and it is wise. Take baby steps.

(((HUGS))))

Cupicake

It's never easy when you have to sever yourself from someone you love. I think it has to become one of those choices you make when you have no other choice. Otherwise...why would we choose to divorce them. I did it with a heavy heart too. I took my time doing it. I doubted myself every step of the way but his continued use confirmed the reason why I had to follow through with it. It's still hard today. (I like torturing myself...I keep contact with him.) But...he is still using.

This is one of the hardest decision you will have to make. Make sure you give yourself a mental hug everyday for being so strong. Just know that even if he doesn't change, atleast you'd have made changes for yourself to move yourself closer to peace, serenity and healing.

mooselips

Meggie,
I'm thinking of you kiddo.
and sending hugs, and prayers....
hugs to your dad too,
for protecting his little girl,
and grandson....

abtchonamission

(((((Meggie)))))

It's not easy to do what is right for you, especially when you still love the person on the other end of what's right for you...my heart really goes out to you right now. On the other hand, my heart also keeps telling me that you're doing what's best for you and little man NOW...who knows what changes may come about, who knows if this might be the bottom AH needs to get his life together, and who knows if this might just be the beginning of you finding true happiness?

I also know that you don't make decisions lightly - especially important ones like this. You've thought this through, and come to this choice because of ALL that has happened, ALL that you've been through, and, ALL that you want the future to hold for your son. I let Tim live in the craziness for too long, IMO, as he remembers things I didn't think he even noticed when it was happening. I think that, at least for right now, having AH away from the home is not only best for you, but best for your son...and maybe best for AH, too. Sounds like reality might be close to taking a bite out of his a**...

rozied

Meg, I don't really know you but I have been following your posts since yesterday. That title sure was an eye catcher.
I divorced my ex many yrs ago because of his addiction to gambling. By the time I did I had fallen out of love with him so it was not that hard for me. He never did change & get clean until just recently. He is 62 yrs old & got clean when he was 57.
I found out just the other day he had gone from gambling to drugs. He called me after 27+ yrs & told me he had been aressted 76 times!!!
I was a single mom for 10 yrs before meeting & marrying my present husband. We will be married 22 yrs this Nov, and I have never been happier. When I was married to him I thought there could never be another man for me but boy was I ever wrong.
It took my present husband to show me how wonderful marriage can be when you are married to your best friend.
Prayers for you, your son & your AH,
Love,
Diane