I Need Advice

Old 05-09-2007, 02:53 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
rozied
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
I Need Advice

Hi, You said write anytime so I'm taking ya up on it. My AS called me Sat around 2pm. He asked me what I had been doing all day. He then asked if I made any money, he claimed to have made $500 by being out hustling al day. As far as I know thatr meant stealing since I know he's not wking. Then he said at least he had his rent & wouldn't end up homeless.
Today I went to see my 87 yr old parents. My mom is prety depressed & acts like she doesn't care about anything.`
Today my AS calls me and says he had the money to pay bk the credit union for money he stole but Nana was going to help him with his rent but she had no way of getting it to him.
I told him there is NO WAY I WAs getting involved & if his nana was giving it is was their problem how he gets it. Then I called my mom & he is bugging her for the money, and is afraid to tell my dad. I told her not to give him any cuz he just buys drugs etc etc.
Then my AS calls me bk & left a message on the machine that if I quer it with his grandma he is taking a bat to my car.
My husband wants to cal the police but I don't think my As would do it & he is just blowing smoke.
I am so angry for what my AS is doing to my mother. I feel like calling him & telling him if he doesn't stop I am going to call his probation officer. My mom wil be 88 in Dec & I truly fear she will have a heart attack.............all this stress I know is hurting her.
Thanks for listening.
I think I am going to post this to the group so I don't have to type again
Diane
rozied is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 03:08 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Power is not having to respond
 
Wascally Wabbit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Rosied, this is so very difficult. She is 88?
Have you sat her down and had a very serious talk with her about what;s going on? That enabling him will only make it worse for him, not better?
That if she gives once, the AS will only beg for more and more until she has nothing?
Let us know how it works out.
Wascally Wabbit is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 03:15 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
rozied
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Dear Wascaly Wabbit, My parents wil both be 88 in Dec & this has been going on for 20 yrs. I was a single parent for 10 yrs & my parents helped me raise him. Before he became addicted they were buying him things even when I begged them not to.
Since we found out about his addiction I must have had 500 talks with her & my dad. even when she says shes done if he bothers her she acts like she wants to give in
rozied is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 03:48 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
grateful rca
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
do you think it would help if you explained the dangers of drug use? maybe she already know how deadly destructive drug addiction can be. i know that you don't want to alarm her, but maybe explain as much as you can, maybe it will better help her to understand why you are suggesting that they not help. maybe you can suggest to your mom to let your son know that he has to go through your dad if he's better able to handle your son's request for money.

i know that you don't want to get involved but is he involving you when hes stressing your 88 yro mother? i know that there is nothing that you can do to change them but he is also threatening you. sounds like your son is trying to control the whole situation, if not with pressure on your parents then its threats against you for helping your parents. maybe i don't have a clue of what i'm talking about too. just hate to see your parents and you have to be manipulated, it has to stop somewhere or he'll only continue what hes doing to you and to your parents. hope i'm not over stepping boundaries here, i care. still praying for all of you
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 04:24 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
I'm no angel!
 
dollydo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Your parents viewpoints are set in stone. They grew up in a different world, and most do not forward into today, they live in the past. The Cleaver family mindset.

To be quite honest, they'll never get it. All you can do is not get in the middle of the chaos.

If it were me, I'd just give your Dad a heads up and leave it at that. It is their choice, their money.

You can only work on your issues, your direction...they have lived their own life on their own terms, there really is nothing you can do.

My parents are in their 80's so I am familar with your delimna, but I have learned to butt out and go forward with my life.
dollydo is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 05:44 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
rozied
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Thanx Dolly & Teke,
First off Teke u r not overstepping any boundaries. I asked for your help & I am glad to get it.
Dolly I am going to take your advice. I always used to get in the middle, not anymore. My parents have been told about drug addiction over & over. They have been told not to help him. He had the money for his rent on Sat, at least that is what he told me, I told my mom that. I doubt my dad will give in & I believe my mom won't give him money without asking my dad.
I just know I don't want to talk to him, its too upsetting..........................he called bk a couple of times since & I just won't answer the phone.
Thank you everyone
Love,
Diane
rozied is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 11:15 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sunflower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
what a mess---so sorry for you--hang in there--I think just let it be for now--but he does have to stop with the threats to you--does he threaten his grandmother?--you need to talk to her alone....
Attached Images
File Type: gif
2006 Hugs4.gif (51.5 KB, 55 views)
Sunflower is offline  
Old 05-10-2007, 12:43 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
rozied
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Thanks Sun, No he isn't threatening his grandma, he called 4 times in the space of an hr & went from trying to involve me, to the threat, to trying to make me feel guilty, to apologizing. I heard it all on my answering machine, I had refused to answer the phone after the 1st call.
I think I may call my ex & ask if his son can call him.......maybe that is what my HP has planned...............why else did he call me now after almost 30 yrs. Maybe he can get through to him or help him some way. He has never been there for his son so maybe now is his chance to do something for him.
thanks everyone for your help
Love,
Diane
rozied is offline  
Old 05-10-2007, 04:00 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Do you think calling your ex will change anything? Or maybe, it will put you back in the middle again.

I see so much of myself in your posts, and I know that until I let go completely I continued being in the middle, in the front row seat and living in chaos.

Like my son, your son is an addict, doing what addicts do. We make ourselves crazy trying to stay one step ahead of their addiction but that's like running in front of a runaway train. It will exhaust us and until the train is ready to stop, it will run us over and keep on going.

Let go of the addict! That's what they told me and I found it to be good advice so am passing it on.

Hugs
Ann is offline  
Old 05-10-2007, 04:19 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
Rozied,
Definitely have a serious heart-to-heart with your MOm about the dangers of "helping" a drug addict. Older people sometimes don't realize how serious drug addiction is and how dangerous a drug addict can be when they are using.
tropikgal2 is offline  
Old 05-10-2007, 07:14 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
So sorry you have to go through this. My mother-inlaw is 74 has always enabled my son. She just cant say no to him. She lived with us for 9 years when he was a baby. Maybe they won't listen to you but what about printing off some literature for her to read. They are so set in there ways at that age. My mother- in- law will not take my son in now. it came from listening to other people. If his calls are upsetting you dont need to talk to him. Addicts are like small children when they dont get there own way. You need to look after yourself, as for your parents sounds like your just banging your head up against a brick wall.
katie44 is offline  
Old 05-10-2007, 07:44 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Get Caught Reading
 
bookmiser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((((Diane))))))))

bookmiser is offline  
Old 05-10-2007, 08:37 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Bridge CLOSED
 
Elana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Coming on late here.
My Mom and Dad are also in their 80's. My Mom will say things like "I can't help but worry" about any of us kids. I finally told her yes you CAN help worrying. Don't. You did your job, you raised us and we are living our lives. How we do that is our decision just like it was yours when you were our age.

Dolly is right.. it is like barking at a squirrel in a tree. My Mom will be the chief co dependent to my Dad until he dies.. and he will continue to be an angry miserable human being while enjoying getting her worked up if ANYTHING goes wrong for him, from losing his car keys to having to do something he doesn't want to do. My Mom will worry about us 3 kids until she dies.. and it isn't her job to worry over us. It is her job to enjoy her own life. "Father Knows Best..."

And this is in a family with no drug users or addicts.
Elana is offline  
Old 05-10-2007, 12:00 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
rozied
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Thanks everyone,
Ann, you are absolutely right. I am not calling his dad, or doing anything that will involve me anymore.
Elana you r also right families are crazy enough even without addiction.

Love,
Diane
rozied is offline  
Old 05-10-2007, 12:07 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
laketime's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: on the lake
Posts: 335
Rozied, So Sorry, Im Glad My Mother And Father Are No Longer Here To See My As This Way. He Was Her Favorite So Im Sure I Couldnt Have Stopped Here From Enabling Either. I Really Dont Have Advice, Im Struggling With Similar Issues Myself. As Teke, Anvil, And Big Sis Always Say, Do What You Can Live With. Ill Pray For You, Your Mother And Your As.
laketime is offline  
Old 05-11-2007, 08:04 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
hope213's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i do not see how anyone can ask an elderly person for anything but that is what addicts do, they r self centered. i will say a prayer for you all.hugs,
hope213 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:03 AM.