drainedwife

So last night I was in the downstairs bathroom, i lifted up a magazine from the vanity, and low and behold there was a very small chunk of cocaine.
It made me very angry and basically ruined my night. I didnt say anything to my ah, afraid of his reaction, and I didnt want the kids to go through that.

The next day he called when i was at work and he had mentioned he wasnt doing it anymore..that was my cue, so i said "yes you have, i saw it in the bathroom yesterday." Well, he got very anxious, started asking me questions and then he was screaming at the top of his lungs calling me a liar and said where is it, why dont you show it to me, and he said how can i do this to him, and he is going to kill himself.
Is it possible that he doesnt even remember doing it in the bathroom (it could have been from 2 days prior, but i cleaned the bathroom 3 days prior). or is it just plain old manipulation???

Later i called him back saying i cant take it anymroe, and he said neither can I, Im so cruel and he is going to divorce me..i said "good, go ahead".

He said he had closed out his credit cards today (the ones that he takes cash advances from and sends the statements to his work) and has one card left that he would have the statements start coming home to the house. He also said he transfered balances on the ones he closed out, and when the closures go through, he would send for a credit report. Big deal--he could always take out new cards..

I just dont kow how I can keep living like this...I pray to god to give me the strength to do the right thing.

teke

its possible that he forgot where he put it at or that he had any left, done that so many times. the worst thing i think is that he is using it in the house and you have kids there. drugs in the house if caught can get your kids taken away and can get you arrrested and loss of property. thats kind of dangerous to you and the kids for him to be using in the house. maybe its time to set some boundaries around him using at home at least.

all the talk he's doing i think is manipulation, but i do think that its time for you to decide what you will do next. try to keep the focus on how you can save you and the kids and allow him to figure out his own life. have you gone to any meetings yet? keeping you and yours in my prayers

drainedwife

i have gone to meetings last year i was going alot because i wasnt working. Now that i am working full-time, its been hard to get there. I have decided that i want to work part-time so that i can take care of me--emotionally..by getting to the meetings that i used to love to go to during the day...and not worrying about getting a sitter, being too tired, the kids nighttime activities, etc...

I have set boundaries of not using in the house, but he does it anyway. So now, what? I told him today that he needs to get help or get out. he started to yell at me to get out. I have no where to go.

he says he is not an addict,,,but anyone who has used cocaine for as long as he has---what i know definately is a yr. & a half...and its not just recreationally (its home alone,) he thinks because he doesnt go out on binges, and that he doesnt use everyday, that he can control it. Also, he seemed to just switch addictions--cocaine for oxycontin.

I am so angry because of his use in the house...why does he continue to do that?

drainedwife

also---i meant could he have forgotten that he used in the bathroom???
He left a little residue on the counter in there...so thats wear he snorted it, and didnt clean up after himself...like he has done so many times before.

duet_4-8

anvil's right on. Who cares if he 'forgot' or not? Fact is he did it and you know he did it, and you are not the cruel one here. Sounds just like my ex. Addicts blame whoever calls them on their behavior and then will call them names like 'liar', 'cruel', 'bitter', 'unforgiving' and on and on and on......'why don't you trust me' (why indeed?) 'how can you do this to me' 'I wish God would just take my miserable life'.

I have to spend tomorrow morning in court because my ex ran all over a restraining order, and of course he is telling anyone who will listen that I am 'putting him in jail'. Never mind that he harrassed me and threatened me and lied about me to everyone we know. Not his fault, poor little misunderstood addict.

Sorry for ranting-I am not very compassionate today. wife, you do what you need to do for you and your family, when you get ready to do it. Only you know when that is.

I will tell you, though, that for all the crap I have had to put up with in the ten weeks since we seperated, I have never really felt better in my life. It is worth every minute of it not to have to look at him every morning and listen to anymore of him telling me that every lousy thing he has ever done is/was my fault.

quack quack quack........


(((HUGS)))

Yardbird

Regarding your boundaries of not using in the house...I tried set that boundary also, but ran into a big problem. I think that's a tough boundary to enforce, especially with powder cocaine (my wife's doc also). It's really easy to hide cocaine and to do it secretively (no smells, very little paraphneila required). But this boundary can drive YOU crazy.

So he keeps using in the house because he knows he can get away with it. And addicts often do mind bogglingly stupid, selfish things, even when they can't get away with them! They just can't think, can't see something like the possibility of the kids finding it...that would require getting out of their dream world.

Sorry that's probably not much help--I think I just needed to rant myself.

Blessings to you. This too shall pass.

dollydo

Someday you may be forced to make a decision, losing your children or giving him up.

I hope you come to your senses before that happens, your children do not deserve to be in jeapody because you are not protecting them. One person has to be a responsible parent, he won't be, so that leaves you.

The ball is in your court.

hope213

nothing changes if nothing changes.prayers, hope

newblue82

I agree with, Yardbird and I'm sorry for your for your pain. I suppose my biggest question is how a mother can allow her chidlren to be exposed to these kinds of things. I'm not trying to sound harsh but don't their needs and well-being take presidence over his and yours. The moment they were born it became your responsibility to protect them and I know you love him but this is a situation you need to find your way out of. There is no changing him. He'll change when he's ready to change and I do feel that all this is just a play of manipulation on you. But people can only take adavnatage of you if you let them. The choice of course is completely up to you but I seriously hope that you'll come to find the strength and resolve to make things better for your babies and yourself.

HKAngel24

Drainedwife-
I am sorry for what you are going through. I deeply feel for you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

liesagain

I'm not sure if you've ever seen an addict run out of their DOC before or not, but I really doubt that its "been there" for days .........usually they will search high and low Just making sure theres none around...not to hide it but to USE it.

Its a hard choice we all do know that, but honestly if he gets that angry..........my guess is he knows hes caught and maybe he wanted you to show him the drug because he wanted it.....who knows

As for what to do if he won't go...............well my thought is safety first............if he wont go maybe you should for you and the kids.........
but also call the police..............maybe that will help......
no mattter what you do.......just be careful and take care of yourself and your kids.......

Truffles

Your AH sounds so much like mine, he would blame me for everything. If I said I found any drugs he would ask why was I snooping. It is all about taking the focus off of them. My RAH did it all the time, I use to think I was the crazy one. He did stop when he was ready, nothing I could say made him stop.

I heard so many times and have so many text messages about how he needs help and he is going to get help, I heard the same stuff so many times.

My RAH has stopped now for a couple of months, we are together and have moved, but honestly there are days I just know I should have ended it back then. He still tries to manipulate me when we argue.

I know it is so hard - think about your kids and yourself -