Blogs


Notices

A Penny For Your Thoughts, Part 8

Old 05-09-2007, 05:14 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
well cinder, i'm glad to hear that you are not in direct line of the fires, at the rate that they seem to be traveling, you're still kind of close, hope they get them out soon. sounds like you had a really good day even if you didn't have internet.

sorry about the cars too kj.
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 05:29 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
Member
 
cinderellawkids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Blog Entries: 1
There are no woods near me and so many miles of houses Im not in any danger of burning.

The smoke scares me. Dr scribed me an inhaler (I have asthma-only reoccurring in these situations) and awful allergies to much of the underbrush that is burning. Also my middle son has chronic asthma and broncitus. I m actually not sure if any house are in danger right now, but they were worried about the states main power line being threatened at one point, if that wasnt under control 1/3 of the state would ahve lost power. Think they handled it, because I still have power.

Speaking of power, isnt it odd things ahve been quiet with AH's power out? Hopefully its pride keeping him away
cinderellawkids is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 05:34 PM
  # 63 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
yelp, i think when i was active and went through all of that, i wanted so desperately to figure out a way to get myself together if nothing more than to prove to my family that i could do it without there help. only thing, my situation kept getting worse and worse, so much so until i had no choice but to do things differently because my plans were just not working out the way i planned. seems like i just could not control my drug use, but it took me a while to figure that out.
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 05:41 PM
  # 64 (permalink)  
Member
 
cinderellawkids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks Teke. SOme nights I sit here and wonder why its gotten worse instead of better. I do believe when completely sober he's devastated about losing us. But realistically I bet he's turning to his own coping mechanism of dulling all pain, so he's likely not feeling any of that right now.

Im sure Saturday when he called he expected me to back down, instead I didnt even say I love you. Odd though I feel better and better everyday. For the first time I feel I really deserve to be treated royally
cinderellawkids is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 05:53 PM
  # 65 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i think you are doing so good now cinder, yes i believe that he is hurting but he may feel that you are serious about him getting himself together first and it may be harder than he thought it would be, thats the way it was for me, but i kept trying, and eventually the pain got too bad and the only thing i knew to get a break from that was to continue to get high, i did that until, that didn't work anymore, drugs began to magnify the problem and the pain of using became greater than the pain of getting sober
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 05:59 PM
  # 66 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm having a little bit of a time of it here too, wondering whats up with my ah, i did a no, no, i called that number and he didn't answer, well at least he don't know it was me, i think that he may have thought it was the kids and just didn't care to answer, either way, he knows that the kids do use my phone but i know that i called. i'm ok now, and i don't know what i would have done if he had answered the phone, i guess he's out building a life for himself. so i guess i have to do the same and i'm here thinking what can i do to help enhance my life. my car is not in the best shape so i can't go too far and i don't have many friends around here, i just don't know many places that i could go other than a bar or something like that and i really don't want to do that. got any suggestions other than join some kind of club, wouldn't know the first thing about finding a club to join, i mean what kind are there?
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 06:17 PM
  # 67 (permalink)  
Member
 
cinderellawkids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Blog Entries: 1
There's exercise classes-yes even for the disabled. Crafts work shops-DO you have a Michaels CRaft store there? Ther's clubs for just about everything. Aquarium clubs.
Before kids I volunteered at womans group drug homes, the kind with children, I read to the kids, never came in contact with anyone else. There's book clubs. My mom and grandma belong to the red hatters group they have fun meeting, card games, lunch twice a month. Many ladies are widows but its not a requirement. Actually that would probably be perfect Look for a red hatters chapter in your area they do lots of fun activities.


AH always said it was easier getting clean with me. I beliecve him ,i really do, the problem is he never stayed that way and I just cant help him anymore. Im not even sure what my feeling are for him, theyre all confused now, I think my HP is helping take away my pain
cinderellawkids is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 06:23 PM
  # 68 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i think that it would have been easier for me to do it with someone too, someone who would bale me out just in case i couldn't resist the urge. when it came down to not having someone in place to help me just in case, i was forced to find a way to resist the urge, whether i thought i could or not. that brought about that do or die determination to stay clean at all cost, cause i had no other choice, either i did or i died, and not nesessarily literally.
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 06:26 PM
  # 69 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i also think too cinder that its up to you whether or not you think that he will do better with you than without you. i think its about what you can and will live with. its about what you think is best for you and the kids
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 06:32 PM
  # 70 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i guess so blue, i thought i was doing ok and i guess i still am only its not such a really good day, i'm not sure whats going on and why i'm feeling this way but i sure hope that it passes soon
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 06:37 PM
  # 71 (permalink)  
Member
 
cinderellawkids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Blog Entries: 1
I didnt mean to imply Id take him back or anything. Weve tried the getting clean with me and it was always a temporary fix, its up to him without me this time. That is for me and the kids, but also for him because he has to see that theres consequences to him blowing money and not working regularly and the consequences are alot worse that just not eating crab legs.

Hi Blues. When was someone not responding to you? I missed that part. Im glad you had a good day.

I heard two good quotes today

He who makes you angry controls you
and
I forget the other one... sory
cinderellawkids is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 06:42 PM
  # 72 (permalink)  
Member
 
cinderellawkids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Blog Entries: 1
Teke, your going through what I call the "outta sorts phase" It usually paces 2 to 3 weeks after an AH leaves whether it be for rehab jail or just leaves. It will get better you'll make it find something for you. Is there a park near you you can feed ducks, and stare at the water, would that peace appeal to you?
cinderellawkids is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 06:49 PM
  # 73 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
on cinder i didn't think that you meant that you were taking him back, it didn't even sound like you had that thought, its just that sometimes i have to remind myself that i can always change my mind if i decide to. i think that i wished that i was as strong and as busy as you. if only i could work, i think that would help a lot.

i think another thing is that i'm so used to talking to my gf or my cousin but these two are sort of toxic to me right now, because of the negativity that they give off. sometimes i need encourageing and not always want to be the encourager. so since i'm not constantly trying to talk them through their depression, or should i say listen to their complaints, i feel kind of bored. i think that i need to find a way to meet new friends. maybe today is just one of those days and i'll have a better day to tomorrow, i sure hope so
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 06:59 PM
  # 74 (permalink)  
Member
 
cinderellawkids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Blog Entries: 1
Teke, those are the exact reasons Im on the computer so much. I have to admit though staying off line at work is helping me in my positivity. Maybe because Im not dwelling on anything and Im accomplishing more.

How are your fish doing?

Blues, Im not the same psycho woman either. Ive been giving myself peptalks all day in case he shows up. I cant be mean just keep emotions out, treat him like a friend who steered me wrong, no anger but no pity either. ANd I keep visualizing him with sad eyes and me saying No.

I really have to practice that NO. I dont want to be eneded but thats my shortcoming I like feeling needed.

I had a moment earlier when I let my mind thing maybe he's with a nother girl, that feeling just sucks. I can not go there
cinderellawkids is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 07:04 PM
  # 75 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
maybe thats the feelings that i'm having right now cinder, about him being with someone else, but i do keep reminding myself that if he's using then it won't last long but thats something that i don't know either
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 07:14 PM
  # 76 (permalink)  
Member
 
cinderellawkids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Blog Entries: 1
If there with someone else so eb it. Then they arent something for us to worry about. For me I believe God is okay with divorce in the case of adultry, and if he's cheating thats God 's gift of freedom to me. It'll hurt, but Ill walk right through it and so will you
cinderellawkids is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 07:23 PM
  # 77 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
thanks guys, i need that, i think you are both right. just having a boring day, i guess. i tried to call my sis in california, thinking i'll ask if she could help me figure out a way to come to see her this summer somehow, i think that would be something for me to look forward to. never been there. she wasn't in but i don't know what her work hrs are either, i know she does work at night. maybe i'll get a chance to talk to her tomorrow.
teke is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 07:35 PM
  # 78 (permalink)  
Member
 
cinderellawkids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Blog Entries: 1
That sounds like fun Teke. I gotta crash now and get my beauty sleep. All this work is making me tired
(You know working all day instead on chatting and then learning about me. WHHHEEEWW Tough strenuous work)
cinderellawkids is offline  
Old 05-10-2007, 04:58 AM
  # 79 (permalink)  
Member
 
cinderellawkids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Blog Entries: 1
Im here, got through another night another day. Im exhausted feel like I could sleep for a week.
Those are my only thoughts I hope everyone has a good day
cinderellawkids is offline  
Old 05-10-2007, 05:27 AM
  # 80 (permalink)  
grateful rca
Thread Starter
 
teke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm here too, got my first cup of coffee and took my grands to school already, now waiting to take my son. not much going on today, hope it don't turn out to be a day like yesterday. kind of sore this morning, i guess its that way a lot of mornings, but better than most.

i'll be glad when i dont have to think about ah in the mornings, it feels like what can you do? there is nothing. basically i'm ok, wished i had something to do today that will not be so strenious and that would keep me busy.

you asked about the fish cinder, so far they are doing ok. i guess that project got kind of old real quick, i mean i like them and all but once its done, its done. time for a new project, and i don't have one in mind yet. i wished i was interested in knitting or something like that. don't know how to plant, and i'm not interested in learning that either. oh well, its another day, i will be glad in it.
teke is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:22 AM.