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let's talk about ... mothers

Old 05-04-2007, 01:14 PM
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let's talk about ... mothers

A friend sent me this as an early Mother's Day greeting . It made me think ... those of us who are mothers of children who abuse alcohol and /or drugs may have a slightly different view of what being a mother means . Others of us had parents who struggled with drugs or alcohol so we had a different experience as children . I am learning to see my mother (in all her glorious denial ) in a different way .

===

MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION

POSITION TITLE :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma.

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
===

okay moms . Let's chat .

Hugs
Cat
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Old 05-04-2007, 01:24 PM
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i always tell my daughter at the rate she is going with costing me, i'll that will be left to pass on to her is the dirty laundry, a few chipped serving dishes, and an overdue phone bill..
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Old 05-04-2007, 02:04 PM
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Cat, Adding: being able to handle the hatred when you refuse to enable their addiction, being able to let go when every fiber of your being is screaming "Help them." Having the ability to put them in God's hands when you know that you have (though not perfect) done the best that you could to give them a good start. Thanks for the posting, Hugs, Marle
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Old 05-04-2007, 02:09 PM
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My mom was my first alcoholic, my daughter was my most recent.... both first names are "Sharon".

Mom was not so much a traditional mom... and got daughters who were more aligned with the traditional ideal of caregiving mothers.

I was more like a traditional mom... and got a daughter who is sort of an "average" of mom and I.

I love them both with all my heart. These are the most painful and fulfilling relationships in my entire life.

I look back at the changes in my mindset over the years.... and smile. If I had only known what was coming....
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Old 05-04-2007, 06:02 PM
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my mom always said bigger kids bigger problems only now do I understand the severity of that statement
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Old 05-04-2007, 06:13 PM
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my mom fit the bill, in my opinion, unfortunately i didn't always recognized it until i was an adult, addicted and then began my recovery. i was the oldest and just didn't understand the duties of raising 6 kids alone, all like 1-2 yrs apart beging when i was 7. i had to grow up real quick after my dad died, but as i grew in my recovery i began to understand more of what and why i felt the way that i did growing up.

my mom always said to enjoy you kids while they are small, they only get on your nerves, but once older, they step on your heart. oh how true, i had to find out the hard way what it was to have so many teens in the same house at the same time.

today we have a great relationship, i wouldn't trade it for the world.
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Old 05-04-2007, 07:51 PM
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I got that same one from a friend. Let's give our heads a shake - keep the free hugs and take long frequent vacations. Moms mostly start out not knowing how to raise children and unfortunately we learn from our mistakes. We wished we could know how to do everything before crises arise - but as long as we learn that is the important thing. I think most Moms do the best they can with what we know. So to all the Moms "Good job! you are good Moms - "Happy Mother's Day"
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Old 05-04-2007, 08:35 PM
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well ill saythe truth
im very mad at mymom..
she ruined me alot.
i havekids now of my own.
and lotsoftimes,,, when painfull memories come in me,, i cant understand,,especiall nowthati havemyown kids,,, howshe couldhave hurt me somuch..
iwould neverhurt mykidsthe way iwas hurt as akid..
we talk,, sometimes,, but very nutureal like itry not tobe tooemotional withmymom..
and itssad,,, but whatcan i do... its life.lol
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Old 05-04-2007, 08:41 PM
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If I ever posted this on the F/F of Alcoholic site---I would get hamerred---they seem to have a mother issue there--nice to be here......
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Old 05-04-2007, 09:40 PM
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((((((Cats)))))))

Thanks for the post. So true. lol
I love my mom. We were friends. I told her everything.
She died 6 days after my 30th birthday. I've not been the same since.
She's been dead 12 years and it's never gotten any easier.
I worry it's going to be the same way for my kids after I'm gone.
The fact that she was an alcoholic and died senselessly from psorosis and a stroke, left me, not so much angry, but more empty. Like we didn't get to "finish" the relationship.
Anyway, she did the best she could with what she had, and I admired her alot for it.
My relationship with my 2 kids is the same way. I believe they admire me for all that I have done for them. After all that we've been through together,especially with my son's addiction, we're still close. I intend to keep it that way.
They're great kids.
Man, Cats. It felt good to get that out. lol
I'm not catholic, but I think I just spent a few minutes in a confessional.
It felt good. Thank you.
With love,
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Old 05-05-2007, 04:06 PM
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I still have my Mother and have always been very close to her. When my Dad died we had some unresolved issue between us--not bad ones but issue non the less. The most important thing in life it to love your parent--even when sometimes I hear people say it is impossible for them to do so....even if in small ways to open the lines somewhat of communication--so when they are gone you can say I tried--I did my best...very painful scars latter if not dealt with in the here and now.Even if they rejext you to know you tried.
As far as Mothers Day I think they should have one for us single parents--who have to be both a mother and a father!!
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Old 05-05-2007, 04:18 PM
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My mom is my hero and my best friend all rolled into one.

Funny...you think your parents dont' know anything when you're growing up. I thought my mother was unbelievably old fashioned and so out of touch.

My friends got away with murder compared to me.
I didn't get to wear make-up until I was 17. Imagine that!
No dating either. And any clothing that I had that she didn't care for mysteriously 'disappered' in the laundry.
I thought it was outrageous at the time.
Now I just look back and thank my lucky stars.
She's an amazing woman and she set a great example for me.
I love and admire her more than words can say!!

I think I'll walk across the street and give her a hug now!!!!!!!
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Old 05-05-2007, 05:28 PM
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My mom is still alive and the greatest person. She never judged anyone. Never had a mean word to say about anyone. She is still a hero to me. She loved us even though she had a horrendous childhood and a very abusive mother. I learned my love of animals from her. Unfortunately I also learned to be a codie from her. My dad was an alcoholic. My second mom (my mother-in-law) was also a great person, totally non-judgemental. I am so thankful she was my MIL. I do believe that I ended up mothering a lot like my mother did. She set a good example for me and I tried to set a good example for my daughter. Was doing okay until addiction struck. Hopefully the values I gave her are still in there somewhere and someday she can look back and see that a lot of what she is she got from me Marle
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Old 05-05-2007, 05:30 PM
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My mom died while I was still a child, and I really never got to know her as she was so sick for so long I have only a few brief memories of her, most of them visiting her at the hospital. Those memories I do have, though, are what I try to base my own parenting on...I just hope that I'm getting it right.
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