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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Part 7

Old 05-07-2007, 10:40 AM
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hello my friends it is a beautiful day here on this monday morning. i have the paper out and the classifieds lookin. LOL. i quit my job because i get fed up only making 8 dollars a hour and no benefits and no advancements. so i am starting new and fresh today. today is the first day i feel really great about my decision. and i also joined ballys healthspa for working out. i need to lose a few unwanted pounds. but it will come off in time. anyhow just wanted to say i miss all ya and i will be on and off today. so take care everyone.
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Old 05-07-2007, 11:10 AM
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thanks kats for checking in, letting us know how you are. i'm praying that you find the job thats right for you
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Old 05-07-2007, 12:26 PM
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Kats, praying you find the right job, too. I went for a test Friday for a new job, the Unemployment guy told me it paid good $... got there it was $8.50 hr. Lot less than I currently make. So I'm looking too. LOL
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Old 05-07-2007, 12:33 PM
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i'm beginning to think that in working on my recovery from codependancy, a lot of different kinds of relationships that i have had, has effected me in one way or another. i'm now not wanting to deal with drama of any kind that causes me discomfort. sometimes people don't understand the change, but what do you do? i know now that i can't fix everything, i can't make everybody feel better at the expense of my own peace. now i'm feeling like i'm percieved as the enemy, when all i want to do is be at peace. you guys are right, there are a lot of toxic people in my circle, that i no longer feel the need to be there for. i think negativity begat negativity and thats not a good make for healthy living. i'm just not god and i'm not called to do what only he can and i'm finally realizing that it ok.
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Old 05-07-2007, 12:34 PM
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ray, i'm praying that you find the job that is right for you too.
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Old 05-07-2007, 12:46 PM
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Thanks, Teke. Praying for you too. I think about you and your AH situation sometimes in looking at my own situation with AH. (currently in prison) It's hard to not play god sometimes and try to fix everything. Then, I feel guilty (maybe a little controlling) when I stick to a boundary such as hanging up on AH friday nite when I didnt like the way he talked to me. Of course he called back over and over until I took the phone off the hook. Then I did take his call the next day and he was full of apologies, etc. But I'm not sure I like him that much anymore. Just venting I guess.......
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Old 05-07-2007, 12:59 PM
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Hi everybody. Finally got a spare minute from work to check in. Hope everyone's day is going well.
Teke, your friend sounds a lot like a friend of mine. This girl is horrible to try and talk to. When my grandfather passed she sent a text message to me that day, I texted back that my grandpa had passed... she immediately started texting about all her little insignificant problems...it was the end of the world for her because she couldn't afford a pack of smokes. I've since tried to avoid talking to her as much as possible... which is working out quiet well since she moved. I think maybe you should distance yourself from this frien, sounds like all she does is drag you down and you really don't need friends like that.
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Old 05-07-2007, 01:08 PM
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ray, i'm sorry that he's in prison, but at least he's safe and maybe drug free. i remember when my ah was in prison for 2 yrs, i did all i could to help support him the whole time and as soon as he was released, all the previous promises went right out the door when he decided that he was leaving and was gonna find him a woman who will have his back. now, hows that for gratitude.

he ended up back active, and back in jail and now back at his moms or where ever he is, i really don't know and is not trying to find out. i know exactly how you feel, not knowing whether or not you like him anymore, i felt the same way back then, but i did decide to give it a try and allow him to come back after prison, and i was only asking for more of the same only worse. i pray that you will take deep consideration about the way you feel now, because unless he gets out and be deternined to get the help he needs and stick to it, it probably will eventually end up worse than it was before he went in. god i pray that this will not be the case, what i guess i'm doing now is just sharing my experience.

i think prison too, will make the addict say whatever they need to say inorder to get what they think that they need while there, but that new sense of freedom seems to give them a new sense of power once they get out.

i think that you did good by not allowing him to talk to you badly, you protected yourself and i thinks thats a good thing. you do deserve more and you deserve to be happy. keeping you in my prayers.
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Old 05-07-2007, 01:55 PM
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Originally Posted by teke View Post
I FINally got that curtain up, now i'm tired, gotta rest a minute, got the garage to go, the fish tank and the patio to sweep off, then i'm about finished with my ah cleaning, got to get me another mower, ah was suppose to fix the one i have but i'm not gonna dare call him on that, i'll just save my money and buy another one.

i had ask this young man who was pushing a mower down the street if he could cut it for me, and he was very cheap but he kept coming back to my door, looking all goo goo eyed at me, so i told him that i changed my mind. i decided because of the look he had, it felt like something that i just didn't want to start. i don't need noone hanging around me or my house looking funny in the face. cute little fellow but he was PUSHING a lawn mower up and down the street, cutting grass for 10.00 or whatever he could make, i thought that ought to tell me something. just didn't seem like something grown men would be doing. he just kept coming down on the price, he was too anxious to cut the grass for me. whats wrong with that pic.

I always took advantage of those guys Teke, figured if it got me caught grass it wasnt my business what they did with the money.
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Old 05-07-2007, 01:59 PM
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i think prison too, will make the addict say whatever they need to say inorder to get what they think that they need while there, but that new sense of freedom seems to give them a new sense of power once they get out.
Thats how it worked for my AH. Right now Im wishing he was back there in prison, because then I didnt shutter at night when the dog barked or get up carefully and peek out the windows
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Old 05-07-2007, 02:07 PM
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no cinder, it wasn't what i thought he would do with the money, it was the way he was looking goo goo eyed at me. i live in a new neighborhood and the older lady next doors house got broken into while she was not at home, and i just don't trust people hanging around cause thats what happen at the last place i lived and they ended up breaking in my house so many times until i ended up with no electronics, even took the shelves and drawers out of the frig, children clothes, shoes and everything else of value. the fellow show too much interest in me and its only me and my 2 kids living here now. i just didn't want to take a chance at him looking like he was interested in talking to me at all. afraid. got to get over it but for now, maybe until i get to know the neighborhood a little better, i think i'm better off left alone.

i'm thinking though, the next time i see him i may let him cut the grass if it still needs it but at the time i didn't have money here and i didn't want to leave him here cutting grass until i went to the bank. i don't know, but i do know that i still need my grass cut, so i'll either go buy a lawn mower so that my son can cut it or i'll let the next person ask cut it provided i have the money.
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Old 05-07-2007, 02:08 PM
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gotta go pick up my son from school be back in a min.
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Old 05-07-2007, 02:25 PM
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Hi ladies, been very busy today this is the first I've been able to get online. Looks like everyone had a decent weekend. I had a great time in Atlantic City, didn't win, but had fun anyway! I did go see my AH in jail - actually hes in a work release building, so its kinda more like a rehab than jail, they can wear their own clothes, buy decent food, go shopping etc. And so I've been reading your posts about your addicts and how they are in jail vs. out and you know, I honestly see a lot of differences with my AH. He has not asked one single thing of me since he went in. Maybe its just cuz he knows I have nothing to give, but not even making calls to his customers or bring him anything. I bought Wendy's for lunch for him and he ate some then said - you should save the nuggets for the kids, and you really didn't have to spend $ on me. All he is asking is that I wait and see how much changed he is when he gets out and then consider getting back together. I told him the deal has always been you get help and stay clean and you get your family back. So anyway, I was really shocked that he didn't want anything and wasn't trying to manipulate me. Don't get me wrong, I know it might all be bull, but you know what, all I saw this weekend was a struggling human being who isn't a demon and does deserve some love and help. I won't let him hurt us, but I don't see the harm in letting him prove that he can change. Right???
Jenna
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Old 05-07-2007, 02:43 PM
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i do agree with you finallyout, my ah didn't really ask for anything either while he was in, he thought the same thing about me not having anything. he even went so far as to write letters so as not to run the phone bill up. i thought the same as you and i want to do what i could because i thought first that i would have wanted someone to do that for me if i was in that position. i told him that i did what i did to help him because i wanted to, and that there were no strings attached. before he went to jail, he wanted nothing at all to do with me, i was his problem i guess.

as soon as he got in jail, i became the girl of his dreams again. for the whole time he was in prison, he was such a changed man with a new found sense of spirituality, well thats the part that got to me. i'm a spiritual person too and i knew how god had changed my life so i thought that he deserved a chance too, since he seemed to have definately wanted a chance for us to see how different of a person he had become. made all kinds of promises to me and the kids.

got out, came home and in less than a month, he was bingeing, in and out and in again of jail, finally moved out cause he needed a women who would have his back. oh his addictive behavior began to shine more than ever. even got this huge jailhouse tatoo on his arm with my name in it, to show me how much, i guess, he thought that he loved me and that i was the girl of his dreams.

not to say that this will happen with your ah, just sharing my experience with this jailhouse love affair. i pray that its different for you. i pray that he is serious about recovery and that he will continue to move forward and be the man that he is promising you he'll be. i think that you are doing good to keep the focus on you and allow time to tell you if what he is saying now is what he'll do later. keeping you in my prayers.

i don't mean to disencourage you, i just wanted to share this with you just so you could possibly not have high hopes right now. its his actions that means more that the words thats spoken from jail. i also think that he do deserve the chance if thats what you want to do, but try to make it what you want and not just what he's saying that he wants.
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Old 05-07-2007, 02:48 PM
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If I hadnt tried again when my AH got out of Prison in November then I wouldnt ahve known. It has gotten far worse this time than ever before and he is in a worst place, but i dont regret trying...
,,,to me my reality is even separated now he's likely not gonna do what he needs to for us to ever be a family, Im still not backing off of my boundaries, yet even feeling that way Im not finalizing anything either just taking each day one at a time.

Sorry I misunderstood Teke. I never thought of that since I always had dogs and neighbors taht watched out for me
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Old 05-07-2007, 02:56 PM
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A little vent here.. I just called my mom than people came to the door and the phones were ringing. I had to put her on hold... she hung up. Now she isnt answering my calls. I know why because I put her on hold so she is trying to act like shes real busy to answer. Ahh I hate when she does that.
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Old 05-07-2007, 02:57 PM
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3 more minutes to go!!
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Old 05-07-2007, 03:11 PM
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hi everybody

i have about 20 minutes before i have to leave for a *moms club meeting* (fun but kind of strange sometimes) - so here is a pic of me when it wasn't snowing - i can't remember if this is where teke asked where a pic of me was - sorry... it's a miracle i figured out how to take a pic - upload it and get it to here - now i'm going to try and post a ? - i'll ask all of you first - my sister has been at an inpatient facility for a week - she got out today - the lil guys have talked to her and dad - they have said that they will get the lil guys *in their new van* when they are better - the lil guys are beside themselves - do you think i should trust my instincts on just handing the lil guys over? - i never filed for formal custody as they sent me a signed paper saying they granted me *temporary custody* (my pediatrician said that was all the info she needed to be able to treat them - that was my biggest worry - what if they got sick?) so what do you think - how long til lil guys can go home?????

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Old 05-07-2007, 03:12 PM
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I believe they should be given a chance to change too when they're really trying.
It scares me though because I've seen my AH have many chances and continue
to fail once out of the structured environment. (rehabs, jail, etc) This is my first
experience with prison.
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Old 05-07-2007, 03:29 PM
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itis, i think that its ok to follow your instinct, you'll know when the time comes whats the right thing to do. i think that if they allowed you to have them while they were unable to keep them and they already said that they get them when they are better, maybe they won't try to get them right now if their intentions are not to remain in recovery or began using again. i think time will tell you what you need to know when the time is right. you are a good aunt, maybe you can make sure the oldest one knows how to contact you if they ever need you and continue to do what it is that you are doing. keeping all of you in my prayers.

ray,

i agree with cinder, i wouldn't have know either if i had not given him the chance, i say stick to you boundaries and try not to allow your expectations to run too high. relapse is so common, but he don't have to relapse, its not a law. my ah has had many chances and continue to fall, after being released from structured enviroments too, still i thought that he deserved that he deserved a chance.

they said that i would never do any better too, but as you see for now, that was not the case. so i believe that there is always hope, what you do is your choice. its what you want. i think for now, keep the focus on you and allow time to work this out for you, by the time that he gets out, maybe by then you'll know what it is that you really want to do. keeping him and you in my prayers, i pray that all works out just the way its planned.
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