caileesnana

I am new at this, so forgive any errors. I am the mother of a addict daughter. She was 23 yesterday and I don't know if she is dead or alive. I understand in my head but I heart still breaks. Why did this happen? Is it because she had so many learning disabilities and was tormented? Is it because I was a bad mother? Is it because she loathes herself so much?

She has been raped twice, beaten and thrown out in my front yard. I have picked her up at places I was afraid to be. She has stolen for us, broken into our home, lied and put me in jail for assaulting her (three years and $$$$ later, the truth came out) but the hurt is still there.

I have read every help book I can find, go to counseling, church--that's another thing--she knows better, she doesn't care. About herself, her family, anything. SHe was beautiful, an incredible soccer player (the only freshman at her school to make the varsity team) and the only daughter and granddaughter of a family who loves her more than life.

She came back home 5 weeks ago after the freak she was with beat her and she said he was doing drugs in the bathroom and she was through w/ that. I believed her, praised her for making a good choice, etc. 9 days later, she supposedly went to work and never came back! Never called, has absolutley nothing but the clothes she wore when she left! This is from a girl who had to have the correct shoes w/ the correct outfit! I suspect he found her and she couldn't/wouldn't turn down the drugs. Funny thing to me, it's never the same drug--whatever, whoever has will do!

So much more I want to say, but I'm at work and the tears are beginning to roll! Any help is appreciated,
sincerely,
caileesnana

parentrecovers

oh caileesnana, you're making my eyes tear up too. i'm really glad you found us. my daughter is 22 (23 in 2 weeks) and she is an alcoholic and an addict. i know how very difficult it is.

i get a lot of support here, and in private counseling and at alanon meetings. do you go to face to face alanon or naranon meetings?

there's a friends and family forum here that i think you'll find useful.

please remember this about your daughter's addiction - you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you cannot control it. you do have choices, though, how you allow it to affect your life.

i'm praying for you and your daughter. let go and let god, k

caileesnana

Hi--I'm glad to hear from someone who truly understands! Yes, I go to face to face therapy, it works for a while. I am trying to move on and "take care of myself". But she is my child, a part of me! My grandmother always said a "mother is only as happy as her saddest child". Does the hurt/pain/not understanding ever get better?

PDX

Hi,
"... a mother is only as happy as her saddest child." Boy, I can relate to that. I have an 18 year old that I worry about constantly, for some of the same issues your daughter has. My heart goes out to you, I can hardly imagine how much hurt and anxiety you must experience. Hang in there. She will need you if you she pulls herself out of her malaise.
--
PDX

parentrecovers

i have ups and downs in my recovery too. it's the fear that keeps me stuck somedays. when i can let go of the fear, i can find some peace. it really is a one day at a time process. when i get too far ahead, or wrapped up in the past - i don't do very good.

keep posting, caileesnana. believe me, you are not alone.

blessings, k

Alive

Hi. It breaks my heart that you have to go through so much pain. A mother won't rest until her daughter is ok....Peace, a mother needs peace. I am a son. Believe or not, we don't want to hurt our parents. It's the self destruction that has got a hold of us. Don't let yourself go down, ok? You need to keep going, for you and for her. And somehow someday she will come...A lot of people here have miraculous stories....Yours will be one more, i pray.

God bless you

tink360

I am the daughter, the granddaughter, the sister, the girlfriend, who did similar things to her family. I have hit my mother and stolen, lied and cheated in my addiction. I am grateful for my family who despite the horrid things that I put them through, they never let go of me, they never gave up. I have to say that their commitment and dedication is one of the main reasons that I am still alive today. My heart goes out to you. Being the addict and seeing the pain that I have put my family through and the reasons why, It hurts me to know that i did such things. The only thing that I can say is hang in there. She makes her own descisions. Dont enable her, but dont give up on her. Suggest rehab, help, counsling, and alternatives that she can explore. Make sure you put your foot down also. Dont let her walk all over you because that will just keep her out there longer. For you, I would suggest alanon or naranon and ask suggestions from other friends and families of addicts. I just want to give you hope. I have done those things to my familiy but I have changed. I have apologized to my family and done everything I could to change my ways. I am now in school, trying to get my life on track and my familiy is proud of me. Im sure that this too can happen for your daughter if makes the choice to change as well. I will hope for the best fo you and for your daughter.

paddy4

Let god be with you in every step, both of you .... god will reinforce mothers love 10000000 fold if you ask him to
Good luck xxx

xXBacktoBlackXx

Wow, your post really made my eyes tear up. I am praying for your daughter, caileesnana.

Missymae737

Cailee,

After reading your post, I felt incredibly lost regarding my two son's. Both are alcoholics and now showing signs of the progression of the disease. My oldest son was put in jail Sat. night...He was put in protective custody...He is twenty- eight...Where will it go from here?

I am so sorry you have had to see the terrible side of this disease... I so feel your pain...You are not alone...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...1&d=1178055151
Thinking of you...

Rowan

Cailee,

You are both in my prayers. I am so glad that you found us.

Rowan

marle

Adding my welcome. I usually post on the Friends and Families of Substance Abusers because my only child, my 20 year old daughter is an opiate addict living with her 37 year old abusive crack addicted boyfriend. I, too, have known the fear of not knowing whether my daughter was alive or dead. Currently have not seen her for two months. Despite what your daughter is doing you can find peace in your life. I invite you to come over to our forum. Lots of great people who understand the pain that you are going through. You don't have to do this alone. Hugs, Marle

ayla zaire

welcome to sr, nana.......i'm glad you found us here.........here's a link to the friends and family of substance abusers forum......the people there are wonderful and know exactly what you are going through.......they will give you so much support and good advice.....

you and your family are in my prayers today........
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/

livefree

caileesnana,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. Your story hits me hard because I'm 23 years old. I just got sober 41 days ago. When I finally got sober in detox, I was absolutely appalled by and ashamed of my drunken behavior. As my mom has said, I was a different person when I was drunk. You can't blame yourself for your daughter's addiction... no one makes someone else an addict. I understand your confusion about how she could go from soccer star to drug addict. Remember that addiction doesn't discriminate... anyone is vunerable. My parents found help through therapy and Al-anon. Please let us know what is going on. My prayers are with you and your daughter.

Jewelz

caileesnana, I am sorry for your pain. Thank you for posting other parents will be along shortly to share their wisdom and strength. I am praying for your daughter and your family.

Hugs,
Jewel

parentrecovers

good to see you over here, caileesnana! blessings, k

teke

sorry about your pain too, glad you decided to come over here too. the addict in my life is my hubby, i'm so sorry but your daughter is not incontrol of her own body right now and there is nothing you can do to help her, she has to want this for herself. addiction is a very hard habit to break, and it will take a do or die determination for her seek help and work just as hard on recoverying.

the only thing that you can do now is maybe give her info on how to get help and maybe support her in her effort to get help. now maybe its time for you to do all you can to focus on you. your daughters behavior is just common with addicts. this is how they act and it sometimes do get worse before it gets better. it seems though that she is at least thinking about a better way of life. hopefully it won't be long before she makes that decision to get help.

we here recommend alanon and naranon meeting for you, keep posting and reading all you can about addiction and maybe check out the stickies at the top of the forum page, there is a lot of info there. i'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

there is hope though, i'm a recoverying addict with a few yrs clean. it took for my family to totally leave me alone to my own misery and they allowed me to suffer the consequences of my own actions. it may take for her to reach a bottom but what you think should be her bottom do not nessessarily mean that it will be. take care of you and save your own sanity. the choice to get better would be your daughters and for you to get better, its up to you. keeping you and your daughter in my prayers

hope213

you are not alone.i feel your pain.there is a lot of good post ahead of me.sorry i was late getting in here.i just want to welcome you to s.r. & tell you never to give up hope.miracles happen.i am praying for you & your daughter.hugs,hope

tropikgal2

Oh Caileesnana, my heart ached for your sadness when I read your post. I very sincerely hope that eventually the pain you are feeling now will lessen. I hope and pray your daughter will find her way to the Truth and Peace.
((HUGS)) and prayers.

Louise54

Sorry to hear what your going through. My 22 year old son is my addict. He no longer lives with us as we were tired of the stealing and the lies. Everytime I pass his empty room I still can't believe he's not in there. No more chaos, but no more innocent little boy either. It's really tough. Hang in there and keep reading. You'll learn alot.