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Manipulation

Old 05-03-2007, 09:40 AM
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Manipulation

This is just a repost of a thread I found on the Friends and Family of Alcoholics page.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ipulation.html

I just read this and became enraged at how many different manipulation tactics my bf uses on me. I can recognize some that I use to try to push him towards recovery but what jumped out at me were the ways in which he tries to convince me I'M the crazy one and he IS doing what he should be doing.
I don't believe he does this conciously- I think it is part of the disease. Regardless it sparked quite a bit of anger inside.
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:56 AM
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glad you found the repost, when i first came here i was sure that i was crazy, now that you know, maybe you can guard yourself against all of this by doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, there is nothing that you can do to make him change, he has to want to change for himself. still praying for you
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:22 AM
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boy Heather, it amazes me just how much alike we all are when we are just starting out in this crazy life with an addict.............I too remember how angry I was when I began to see how I was being manipulated by him in his active state.........the post you linked and something I read here ( that came from another site) really opened my eyes.........
take some time, think about the things you are learning and figure out how not to be an active part .................protect yourself from BEING manipulated.
Dont feel bad though, this thing called addcition.......well how could we have known, we (or at least I ) tend to trust and see good in others..........but we soon find that in active addiction......the disease outweighs the good parts.........
Hang in there
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:47 AM
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but in our own recovery we learn to accept that we chose to be with them, in spite of it all, we LET ourselves get played, lied to, disappointed. we stayed with them, we participated in the madness, we could have removed ourselves at any time, but we did not.
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:48 AM
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AMEN however when it's your child there is a fine line between enabling and unconditional love. It is ultimately HELL.
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Old 05-03-2007, 03:02 PM
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I agree that we choose to stay or leave
But I also believe that one can stay and remove themself from the hectic part of addiction
and by doing this can find some peace during hectic times and still enjoy the good times......Just my opinion
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Old 05-03-2007, 06:05 PM
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The manipulation is really ugly. I'm sorry you're going through this, HK.

But let me tell you this: You are NOT crazy. In fact, you are one of the least crazy people I've ever talked to (granted we're online, but you're so level-headed about all of this pain that it simply has to be true)

You are getting signs from him that he's using, or if he's not, he's acting like an addict. Manipulative, redirecting blame, abusing your kindness, sponging off of you, not taking responsibility for his actions, etc. etc. etc.

You are right to feel suspicious that this relationship is bad news for you.

He has a ways to walk before he will be worthy of your trust.

And the problem is he doesn't even have his hiking shoes on. He's waiting for you with the rickshaw.

Love,
GiveLove
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