Goodbye!
 

Hello all,
Haven't been on the site in awhile... I wanted to give an update on my life and bid ya'll adieu!!

For those I've not had the pleasure of meeting yet, maybe in particular those whose spouse is the addict in their life, I want to offer you hope... Hope for a better life for YOU! Don't get me wrong, though, I'm not advocating that you leave your addict and I'm not saying that a new relationship is the answer to your issues. But I AM saying that if you've ever wondered (or maybe worried?) if you would ever be happy again... or if you'd ever find anyone as wonderful as your addict was before s/he started doing drugs, whether you would ever smile again or whether you'd ever feel another ounce of joy, I want to tell you that YOU WILL!!! If you do the hard recovery work and if you CHOOSE happiness, you can set your life on a different course and create the life you dream of and love.

I was married for about 8 years to a man who was an addict. Found out in roughly year 5-6, when we had just had our baby daughter. I stuck with him through a number of attempts at re-hab or suboxone programs, etc.... he lied to me endlessly, cleared out our bank accounts, charged our credit cards, took cash advances on our home equity line of credit, took MY car w/o my permission and wrapped it around a fire hydrant, eventually started breaking into what had been "OUR" home (literally breaking windows, destroying doors) to steal money from our daughter's piggy bank, my checks and jewelry, etc... He was arrested and jailed and that was about the "last straw" for me. After lots of prayer and counseling, I filed for divorce. I didn't take this decision lightly and, in retrospect, believe I was patient to a fault. At the same time, I can look back on the situation and, in good conscience, know that I did absolutely everything I possibly could have done to save my marriage.

When I first came to SR, I was looking for help for my AexH. I didn't have a clue that I needed help as badly as he did. But with all of the great people on this site, who were willing to hold my hand, shine a light and share their experience, strength and hope, I soon realized that while it certainly was tragic that my husband had succumbed to his addiction and was spiraling out of control, that it would be an exponentially worse tragedy to allow him to destroy my daughter and myself in the process.

While I tried to piece my life back together, I took two steps forward and three steps back. I agonized over how to answer my daughter's heart-breaking questions about where her daddy was and how to respond when she'd say things like: "he must not love me if he doesn't come to see me." I probably became about as addicted to this site as my AexH was to pills and heroin... it was such a source of encouragement and inspiration... and hope... No one else in my world could comprehend the ghastly things my aexh had done... or how I could ever consider still loving him... or why I couldn't just move forward and never look back... but the people on this site COULD understand. You had been there before or were there right now. No one ever judged me. Everyone loved and encouraged me... unconditionally.

I grew stronger and stronger... It wasn't too long before my anger turned to acceptance and acceptance allowed me to have compassion for my aexh... afterall, who in their right mind would CHOOSE to be an addict?? I learned how to do a lot of things for myself (who knew I could actually kill a spider?!!), I learned that I was stronger than I ever could have imagined, I gained confidence, I grew closer to God than I'd ever been in my life and I knew He was with me every step of this journey. I was humbled by the whole experience. I learned that I was only a "victim" if I chose to be and that I could change my life for the better. I started to really, REALLY contemplate what I wanted my life to be like...

I started to date again... UGH!!! For the first time in my life, I was completely, 100% focused on what *I* wanted out of a relationship, not what I could BE for the other person. It was painful. I met a lot of jerks... I met a lot of selfish men with selfish motivations.... but I was able to spot that immediately!! My BS detector was on and in GOOD working condition and I became very selective. I used that mental picture of what I wanted my life to be as the measuring stick against which I evaluated all of my prospects.... But while I did yearn for that loving "ideal" relationship, I was also very okay with being by myself. I enjoyed the time I spent with my daughter, I enjoyed my family and friends. I enjoyed life... I enjoyed ME!!

And then, one day, I met a wonderful, wonderful man. He had gone through a similarly rough time as I had. He had gone through a lot of soul-searching and counseling and really had transformed himself, as I had. And he was also ready for that loving "ideal" relationship. We talked forEVER... we became the best of friends. We had very similar morals and ethics, we both wanted the same things out of life. He adores my daughter.

In October, we were married. We created a blended family with his two children and my daughter. It's not, by any stretch, "perfect"... we struggle with co-parenting, I still struggle with the pain my daughter endures from her absent father that she remembers as much bigger than life than he ever was. We're both getting our financial legs back under us.

But life is sooooo good.. So very good. I've never been happier in my life... It truly is the life I always wanted... My husband and I talk about everything. He wants to know about the mundane things in my life as much as he cares about the truly important things. We truly care about each other. We respect and admire one another. We do everything together. Our motto is "it's the company"... as in, it doesn't matter WHAT we're doing... it matters with whom we're doing it and there's no one else we'd rather be doing it with than each other.

In November, 2007, we'll welcome our brand new baby to our blended family... and to the world. A baby??!!! I'm forty years old!! Who woulda thought??? But time and time again on this site, people have told me that "God has a plan" and if I'm not living proof of that, then I don't know what is.

I would never be where I am in my life right now if it wasn't for SR and all of you wonderful, amazing people. Thank you for so selflessly sharing yourselves. I recently said "goodbye" to my counselor, who also helped me immensely through all of those really dark, sad and scary days... and now I say goodbye to all of you. I wish everyone peace.

Mary,

Thank you for all that you have brought to SR. I am so happy for you and your recovery. Enjoy your new found serenity and I wish you all of the happiness in the world.

Here's to new beginnings and happy endings! :)

God Bless and take care of you and your wonderful new family!!!

((Hugs))

Oh ((Mary P)) I'm going to miss you so much honey!! You were there with me through everything and your friendship will NEVER EVER be forgotten. I wish nothing but the best life has to offer you.......and a new baby!! How awsome is that?? Congratulations on your brand new addition to your brand new life. You'll be thought of often.
Big hugs to you!!:hug:
Kris

oh, i'm so happy to hear and you have shared so much hope here, i'll miss you too, hopefully maybe from time to time you could just drop in to say hi. congrats on your new life and baby. i'm wishing you the best, take care and i'll continue to pray for you and your family

Thanks for sharing your story with us and giving hope to so many. You will be missed and I hope you will pop in once in awhile to say 'hi' to us.
I'm so happy for you and wish you all the best as you wait for the new arrival! :)

good luck to you and your family, mary p! you deserve all this happiness. blessings, k

MP, thank you so much.. we both came to SR around the same time. Wow have you grown in your recovery. You set such a good example and thank you for sharing you hope.

I will miss you!

Jewel

Miss Mary Petunia!!!! I am so happy for the life that you rebuilt for yourself. I will never forget the many ways you had helped me through my rough times with your kind words and true understanding of what I was going through. Even on your departure you give me such hope for the future. It is such a beautiful thing that you are having a brand new baby to add to your happy home and happy marriage. You made me shed some tears for the happiness that you have and the hope of happiness you have given me. It's amazing how simple words on a computer screen could make us feel so much. I will miss you but take with you many many hugs from me and thank you for all words you have comforted me with now and before.

((MP)) I'm so happy for you. Congratulations on the baby!! Wow, I can't believe it! You deserve all the happiness in the world and I consider you one of my special friends here. Drop me/us a line from time to time...good luck!! :)

.....uhm.... you mean you won't even come back to show us pictures of the baby? :(

I'm going to miss you MP. (((hugs))) But I am very happy for you and for the life you have created ... excellent, excellent hope for recovery.

Thank you!

Awww MaryPet,
I'm going to miss you!
Glad you found the happiness in your life, that you deserved.


Have a happy, wonderful life....

You're a wonderful example that life goes on and we can be happy in life...if we choose to be!

MP, Congratulations on the new baby. God has a way of working things out if you give Him a chance. I am so happy for you and thank you for sharing your story of hope with us. Come back and say hi once in a while. Hugs, Marle

(((MP))) You will be missed. Thank you so much for everything you have given us here. It will be treasured. May your "Happily Ever After" never end.

Wow!!

I have so much to say to you MaryP!!

First of all...CONGRATULATIONS on the baby to be! I am thrilled beyond measure that you have found such happiness. No one...and I mean NO ONE deserves it more than you, my friend. You have been such a shining light for me here at SR. You have a special place in my heart. You always had such kind and encouraging words for me when I needed them the most. I value your friendship more than you know and even though you haven't been around much lately, you're always with me in spirit.

I know its time for you to go...I get it...I really do. I hope life brings all kinds of wonderful things your way. I know it will. If its true that we get back what we send out into the universe, you've got lots and lots of great things coming your way. I'm sure of it.

Love ya Mary P. I really do.
Enjoy your new life. I know you will.
And give your sweet little girl a big hug for me, okay?

Much love...and best wishes...

your SR pal, Mary

Miss Mary,

I hate to say, welcome back and goodbye in the same breath...but, I am so happy for you and your family.

Give that new petunia a big hug from auntie Dolly.

Thanks for the wonderful post MP...full of encouragement, just what I needed today as it is not a good day.

I really hate to see you go, guess I am selfish and don't want to let you go...but I am so ever happy to see your happyness.

Congradulations MP!

Rose

m.p., i will miss you.i am glad you came & told your story.i am glad you are happy.i hope all your dreams come true,check in with us & let us know how you are doing with that wonderful man u met & married.clue us in when your bundle of joy arrives.prayers for you & your family.

((((MaryP)))

I'm so very, very happy for you!!! :e058:

Please stop in once in a while and let us know how you're doing.
We've been though hell and back and it's great to see that you're moving on enjoying life. Please post a pic of your new baby when the time comes. All of us aunties and uncles need to know what the newbie looks like, don't we? :wink3:

Shalom, my friend, and have a wonderful life... :hug:

MP...now you must remember to show pics.
And whether you will realize it or not, we WILL be there, walking right beside you, everyday, if only in our hearts.
I've missed you, and will miss you.
Hope we can talk again
Congratulations!!!!!!
((((hugs))))
Cece

May your life be filled with Peace!!!