Update
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 234
Update
I haven't been posting much lately, just lurking around.
To be honest, I was a little apprehensive about posting after the replies from my last post. I had to step back and take a long hard look at things and come to terms with them. Initially I felt that some of the replies were a little "our way is the only way" and that kinda p*ssed me off. I didn't care how others feel about their recovering addicts drinking. Honestly, it doesn't bother me when RAH has a beer or two with his best friend. It's not a "band-aid", it has yet to turn into anything more then a once a month thing, and it doesn't bother me. I can live with it and I feel that is what MY recovery is all about... Doing what I can live with. I appreciate the concern of others, and I do understand that is all that the replies were was concern. When I stepped back, I realized that maybe I needed to take a break from here and understand why some of the replies were bothering me. Obviously it was something else that I needed to work on, I'm still struggling with that a bit.
Anyways, RAH is still staying away from his DOC(pot) he hasn't touched it since December. I'm starting to get the man I fell in love with back, only better. When we first got together he was heavy into the coke, and for the 4 years we've been together I haven't seen what he can be like without drugs. He's becoming more and more responsible all the time. Helping out more with the kids. He no longer comes home from work and goes right to sleep(unless he's worked an 18 hour day) and we've had a lot of time to re-connect. Sometimes I still see the addict behavior, the selfishness(but I don't think that will ever completely go away, his mother is an incredibly selfish person and he comes by it honestly). He sometimes still, for some reason, lies about stupid little things, but admits it afterwards and says he just didn't want me to get mad. He's become very active in helping with the preparations for our new house and has been up to our yard almost every evening after work getting it ready. He's more open and willing to talk to me about everything, and willing to tell me when he encounters a "trigger" that makes him feel like using. He also more loving and affectionate, back to treating me like "his princess" like he did when we first got together. I'm enjoying this chance to get to know him without drugs in the picture and our marriage is getting stronger.
As for me, I'm continuing to work on my issues. I've started keeping a journal and looking back from time to time on my writing has allowed me to look deep within myself. I've still got a long way to go with certain past issues that I can't seem to get over, but letting go of some of them has made my days a little easier. I'm finding it easier to let go of the hurt that RAH has caused, and easier to trust him because his actions show me that right now there is no reason not to. I haven't felt the need to snoop through his things in a LONG time, and for me that's a BIG accomplishment. I'm finding it easier to stick to my word when it comes to everyone in my life, not just RAH. I was actually pretty impressed with myself the other day, RAH asked for some money to buy smokes and I told him NO and stuck to it. We met in the driveway, he was just getting home and I was on my way to get groceries. He asked for money & I just looked at him and said "nope, you spent your money if you want any go get the check for your truck wash" and I drove away. A month ago I would've caved and gave him the money. I was pretty darn proud of myself.
Anyways, still taking it one day at a time... and for today everything is going well.
Sorry this is so long...
To be honest, I was a little apprehensive about posting after the replies from my last post. I had to step back and take a long hard look at things and come to terms with them. Initially I felt that some of the replies were a little "our way is the only way" and that kinda p*ssed me off. I didn't care how others feel about their recovering addicts drinking. Honestly, it doesn't bother me when RAH has a beer or two with his best friend. It's not a "band-aid", it has yet to turn into anything more then a once a month thing, and it doesn't bother me. I can live with it and I feel that is what MY recovery is all about... Doing what I can live with. I appreciate the concern of others, and I do understand that is all that the replies were was concern. When I stepped back, I realized that maybe I needed to take a break from here and understand why some of the replies were bothering me. Obviously it was something else that I needed to work on, I'm still struggling with that a bit.
Anyways, RAH is still staying away from his DOC(pot) he hasn't touched it since December. I'm starting to get the man I fell in love with back, only better. When we first got together he was heavy into the coke, and for the 4 years we've been together I haven't seen what he can be like without drugs. He's becoming more and more responsible all the time. Helping out more with the kids. He no longer comes home from work and goes right to sleep(unless he's worked an 18 hour day) and we've had a lot of time to re-connect. Sometimes I still see the addict behavior, the selfishness(but I don't think that will ever completely go away, his mother is an incredibly selfish person and he comes by it honestly). He sometimes still, for some reason, lies about stupid little things, but admits it afterwards and says he just didn't want me to get mad. He's become very active in helping with the preparations for our new house and has been up to our yard almost every evening after work getting it ready. He's more open and willing to talk to me about everything, and willing to tell me when he encounters a "trigger" that makes him feel like using. He also more loving and affectionate, back to treating me like "his princess" like he did when we first got together. I'm enjoying this chance to get to know him without drugs in the picture and our marriage is getting stronger.
As for me, I'm continuing to work on my issues. I've started keeping a journal and looking back from time to time on my writing has allowed me to look deep within myself. I've still got a long way to go with certain past issues that I can't seem to get over, but letting go of some of them has made my days a little easier. I'm finding it easier to let go of the hurt that RAH has caused, and easier to trust him because his actions show me that right now there is no reason not to. I haven't felt the need to snoop through his things in a LONG time, and for me that's a BIG accomplishment. I'm finding it easier to stick to my word when it comes to everyone in my life, not just RAH. I was actually pretty impressed with myself the other day, RAH asked for some money to buy smokes and I told him NO and stuck to it. We met in the driveway, he was just getting home and I was on my way to get groceries. He asked for money & I just looked at him and said "nope, you spent your money if you want any go get the check for your truck wash" and I drove away. A month ago I would've caved and gave him the money. I was pretty darn proud of myself.
Anyways, still taking it one day at a time... and for today everything is going well.
Sorry this is so long...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Thank you for sharing your story... it's full of hope for those of us who choose to stay with our A. And your recovery is definitely shining. Prayers that your future will be as bright as today!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 234
((Teke))
You have NEVER offended me! I admire your insight and wisdom.
It's obvious that what you say comes from the heart, I could never take offence to that. Thank you for always taking the time to reply to my posts. I love ya!
You have NEVER offended me! I admire your insight and wisdom.
It's obvious that what you say comes from the heart, I could never take offence to that. Thank you for always taking the time to reply to my posts. I love ya!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: medford, MA
Posts: 7
I have to say i have felt the same way many times, and it has caused me to stay away as well.
How could the people here say things to me, some were harsh, and some were very kind, but who are they? They dont know me, or him, or what we are going through.
In actuality, they are me, they have lived through the same horror i lived through and they were just sharing there experiences and wisdom.
I have learned to greatly appreciate this site, and everyone here!
Even if im not sharing my day to day life struggles, im always reading and learning, and soaking in as much as i possibly can, because everyone is here for the same reason. We are all alike! Whether we choose to accept it or not, we are all, or have lived in hell loving someone who is an addict.
Stay strong, and keep to your feelings!
Robyn
How could the people here say things to me, some were harsh, and some were very kind, but who are they? They dont know me, or him, or what we are going through.
In actuality, they are me, they have lived through the same horror i lived through and they were just sharing there experiences and wisdom.
I have learned to greatly appreciate this site, and everyone here!
Even if im not sharing my day to day life struggles, im always reading and learning, and soaking in as much as i possibly can, because everyone is here for the same reason. We are all alike! Whether we choose to accept it or not, we are all, or have lived in hell loving someone who is an addict.
Stay strong, and keep to your feelings!
Robyn
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am sorry you are hurt.i hope i did not say anything to hurt you. here is like open meetings.everybody says what they feel & you take what you want & leave the rest.i hope we said something that has helped you. i am glad you are getting stronger in your recovery. it works if you work it. hope you will drop in & let us know how u r. we all do care. i will keep praying for u & your b.f. hugs,
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