ChinUp

If you could turn back time , are there signs you missed ?? My 27 year old niece lives with me ( not my choice ! , long story ) She uses crack , she is holding down a job but has nothing , maybe a bus token at the end of the day .

I am a single mom to two boys , the older one 14 has a great Dad , he has always been active in our sons life . I know that my son feels love from both of us . My younger sons father is pretty much a sperm donor !! I am scared that I wont see the signs , I hope that neither of my children ever turn to drugs , but how can you tell what leads them there ??
I work nightshifts and my mom watches them at night so I am sort of a stay at home mom . I do the drop off pick up for school , home for lunch , there for bedtime etc... you get the picture . I am fortunate enough to make a decent wage at my job and have been there for 17 years . So most aspects of my life are stable . I just worry cause I have witness the horribleness of drug addiction .

marle

Sometimes the warning signs can seem very much like normal teenage angst so it can be hard to tell. I know my daughter's addiction did not start until she was living on her own. Even then I did not really think that she was an addict until about a year and a half ago. That is when she lost everything, job, car, relationship with us, etc. If your children are going to become addicts I really don't think that there is much that will stop them. I know that I was a strict parent and raised my child with good values, church and the value of doing well in school. She was a cheerleader, an honor student and a church youth group leader. She was curious as most teens are and she experimented. She, unfortunately, could not stop and is now addicted to heroin. Did I see signs of her using. Yes, in hindsight I do, but denial is a very strong force and I could not believe that my precious, sweet, beautiful child could become an addict. You can raise your children right and give them every opportunity to succeed and still be blindsided by addiction. Hugs, Marle

best

Telling them of the dangers of drug and alcohol use.
telling them what our boundaries are and then living up to what we say.

That is the best tools we can give them. When they know better, their choices are an educated choice...good or bad.

Single mom, 27 year old niece, not your choice?
We always have choices it is more a matter of what are we willing to do to keep what we want. If she is using, she is not a good example for your children. You have choices.

ChinUp

Best , I wish it was that easy . I live with my mom , for a few different reasons . My mom took my niece not really knowing about her addiction . On the upside my niece is in the basement of the house and comes and goes from there . She really doesnt interact with the family much . She had a boyfriend that she stayed with for a while , but lately she just works six to seven days a week . When she isn't using she interacts with us more and is the same sweet person she used to be. She really lays low cause she knows my radar is more keen than my mothers . I can always tell when she is using . It saddens me but if it were my place alone , I would put her out . I tell my mom that the quicker she falls the sooner she will have to pick herself up . My mom has the biggest heart ever although she does lives in denial of it all . My mom has lots of hope for her only grand daughter . I guess I sort of detach myself from it , we used to be close before . I put up some boundaries and so far my niece u nderstands and respects them .

tropikgal2

HOly cr*p I could make a list that would be longer than this message could hold. I never was looking for "that" because I had NO IDEA!! Not anymore!!!

BigSis

I think the one thing that I really missed was the sleeping thing. My kid (when coming down from meth - yeah, I had NO idea!) would sleep for three days straight. I don't care WHAT kind of teen you are - THAT IS NOT NORMAL!

But I thought it was... I remembered sleeping in a lot as a teen... but NOT for 3 days!

The lies, the changing friends, the rebellious attitude, the changed clothing and the dropping grades were all signs, but like Teke said - they are also signs of exploring teenagedom.

If you are worried, you can set up a rule that you can demand Urine Analysis on request - without an argument. The tests are available in drug stores - but I had my kid do hers with the doctor's office. Insurance covered it.

Knowing helped ME begin MY recovery... and to institute some inpatient treatment for my daughter before she got too old to be forced to rehab... which didn't "work", but did help with breaking through her denial and delusion.... and mine.