hope213

little j's social worker called me late this afternoon.he had run away again yesterday from the group home.( she had called me about this & just said to bring him in the office on monday if he went to any of the family.)he called his dad,my a.s. & he told him to come to him.he never made it ,the 34 yr.old woman he was with got stopped for speeding & they reconized little j. & took him in. what would a 34yr old be wanting with a 15yr.old??? anyway.when his social worker called me this afternoon she was asking if my husband & i would take him on monday & have him in court on wed.morning. i am in between a rock. mr h.does not want to do it.little j.makes him so nervous, he stress for a week.you never know what the kid is going to do.i really want him to come because after court he will either be sent to juviinile home or level 4 home ( 4hrs away).it upsets the crap out of me to be pulled like this. he has no one but us. he admitted to his social worker he broke into a house yesterdaay but for some reason they did not press charges. it is always something between him & my a.s. my husband is tired of the phone ringing with drama & bad news. i am too but i kinda feel as if little j. needs his family with him being sent so far away & for so long.also sunday is a.s. birthday. i wanted to spend time with him. he has a hurt foot & called today & ask if he could come spend the weekend with us.he said he needed to rest his foot & see if it would get better so he could work next week.he said he would never be able to stay off of it where he is living... i knew better to ask mr h. if he could come. he goes to court in may & unless it is put off he will be leaving for a many a yr. my family is so "lost". i feel helpless. i need some in sight from you all. should i press mr h. for little j.to come?? it is like i have no say so in any form. am i wrong to want to spend time with my grandson & my a.s. even if they don't do the right things? please send some prayers up for my 2 j's. & for me too. i sure need some guidance. sorry this is so long. thanks for reading if you made it thru...

Elana

Hi Hope. I am praying for you and for J and Little J and you and your husband. It is so hard for you.

I am thinking on this.. and have no answer. Where does Little J go if he does not come to your house? Will he be safe?
I would think that spending time with J and Little J could be done but not in your home?

Just ideas. I support your choice, whatever it is. Remember, you DO have choices of your own.
(((Hope213))))

teke

i'm so sorry that you and your family is going through all of this, i know that it has to be so hard on you, is there a way that you can spend the time away from home with them like elana suggested? i have no answers either, but i will keep all of you in my prayers and maybe god will give you the answers you need. i'm so sorry and i want you to know that i love you and i really do pray that all will work out for all of you.

hope213

there is no place else. little j. will stay at the group home if he does not come here. he will be told that we would not let him.it is so sad. i am so sad. i do want to spend time with both of them.i know my a.s. has done alot of bad things & i do not support what he has done but i do love him & little j. both. thank for caring.

Elana

It is never wrong to love your children and your Grandchildren. It is never wrong to love, period.

dollydo

I have no words of wisdom, little J will just keep running away until he gets himself into so much trouble he will hit the brick wall, and he will have to face some serious consequences, and the sad part about it all, is that there is not a darn thing you can do about it.

I hate to see a young man go down this path, but he is in the hands of the HP, there is some master plan here, I just can't understand it now.

You and yours are always in my prayers.

marle

Hope, Sending some prayers. No, it is not wrong for you to want to spend time with J and little J, but it sounds like your husband's boundary is different from yours. I do not have any advice but want you to know that I will keep all of you in my prayers. Little J knows that you love him, but he is having a hard time loving himself. Hugs, Marle

mooselips

(((Hope)))
This must be breaking you heart. I think I can hear what YOU want to do deep inside, but you know you can't because of the stress it would cause. I think all you can do is give little J. your support and let him know how much you love him, and I would tell him exactly why he can't stay with you.

Like Dolly said, there's a plan at work here, somewhere, we just don't know what it is.

Hugs to you, Hope, I'm sure this makes you sad.

Prayers for little J.
and you, and Mr. Hope.

hope213

what i'd like to do is bring them both here monday & let them stay till wed. but that ain't gonna happen. thanks for the replys. i love u all.

duet_4-8

Hope, I don't have any advice, just a great big hug and a lot of prayers coming your way.

(((HUGS)))

thejunkyswife

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this stuff. I hope you're able to take care of yourself and that your family comes through ok.

BigSis

What I had to remember with my kids was whatever trouble they got into NOW was less... always... than the trouble they would get into later.


So - a bad week, a group home far away TODAY vs. Jail or prison LATER ??

J will continue to do his stuff until he learns something from this. I spoiled many lessons for my kids by easing and taking away the consequences. I didn't know better. Once I knew better, I did better.

I think Mr. H has good instincts.... just as my Mr. Big did (though at the time, I fought him tooth and nail sometimes....).

Do what you can live with Hope. ((hugs))

mimi54321

I so feel for you, I will pray for you tonight.

Keep cool.

Mxx

mimi54321

One question, what does 'a.s.' stand for, sorry for being thick..

M xx

krhea75

AS (addicted son)....Hey hope, i feel your pain. Being the codie that I am, I want to tell you to bring them home for an afternoon anyway. I understand your pain. But you, and only you, can decide what to do. Either way, whatever choice you make, they know how much you love them. As someone said earlier, they just don't love themselves enough. Hang in there hope. You are a good woman in a difficult situation.
krhea

bookmiser

(((((((Hope))))))))

Sorry I'm late to this. Just wanted to add my love and prayers for you,
and your family.
Tough call. I kinda went through this with my hubby and my as.
It was time for as to leave, and I was having a hard time with it.
Even now, as would love nothing better than to come here and stay.
He's gotten 2 broken bones where's he's living now. It kills me.
I just keep praying that eventually he'll let go and seek recovery.
If I let him come back...it's never gonna happen.
As far as Lil' J is concerned...I have no clue.
I'll keep them both in my prayers, as well as you and your husband.
I'm sure hubby is mainly concerned with you and just wanting to protect you from more hurt. I'd have to agree. It's probably best they didn't stay there, but I know how you feel too.
Pray for guidance and strength, sweetie. We're here for ya.
Love ya,

Nina Kay

Hi hope,
In my opinion, it is certainly not wrong to still love your son and grandson, no matter what all they may have done wrong. It's not the same as condoning the things they have done. We love our children no matter what, even when the things that they do are unloveable. We are mothers that know the real child apart from their choices.

I do have to be honest about something though and that is when I hear about a foot injury I automatically think injury from drug needles. That's happened to my son twice. Part of his choice of lifestyle that infuriates me. I do understand that you would want to see your son incase he might be going away for a long time. That's a mother thing, but I don't know that it's a wise thing for either of you. However, only you can decide that because you are the one that is there with them and everyone and their circumstances and surroundings are different. No one else is aware of everything that you are.

As for little j, couldn't you get a motel room to spend a couple of days with him, just one on one and talk to him directly about his choices with love, while there. That would be respecting your husband's wishes and allowing you and little j. to have what you need or want too. Those are just some thoughts of mine that I thought that I'd throw out there. Can you tell that I'm a Codie too? Always trying to figure out ways to fix things for everyone........... Oh well. Progress, not perfection, right?! I was thinking the same thing that someone else said and that was; you need to decide what is that you can live with in your heart.

I'm sure that by now, you've already made some kind of decision, but I wanted to add my thoughts because I do care about you and I do feel for you as a Grandma. I'm a Grandma too and my 2 mean the world to me also. I'll be thinking of you and checking in to see your update. ((((((((Caring Hugs)))))))

hope213

well, i have not said a thing today about anything.i did take a.s. to the e.r.this morning.he has a broke ankle. how he did it i do not know.i know it happened thursday, but not at work. it looked awful. i am going to just wait & see how things turn out. tomorrow is a.s. birthday & i did not,am not planning anything.he has not had a b-day"out" since 02.just keep the prayers going.i have a wonderful husband i am not willing to let go off. he is protective of me, very much & wants me happy, i do no that.he just stress so bad,when he stress it makes everything so much harder on me. hugs,

Elana

Hope, just know that you are loved. Knowing that alone can make facing the tough climbs in life much more bearable. It sounds like your husband loves you very much.

Prayers continue.

mjpaao

Hope,
I have recently made friends with a man who was divorced 7 years ago, but is still so very lost. I can talk to him about my ah and how much I still love him, and he understands, so nice from the usual stuff I get from other friends. Now, things have progressed so that I must file for divorce, to protect myself financially.
All that being said, this friend also told me he really feels women are stronger emotionally than men....and just look at your situation, look who's still trying to put things back together!
Of course you love your son and grandson....we love them for who they were, who we know they could be.....but we can also hate the behavior they have now, and hate the things they have done.
Whatever you decide, it will be the right thing for your family, I'm sure. You'll be in my prayers tonight.