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I Am So Upset

Old 04-27-2007, 01:57 PM
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rozied
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I Am So Upset

My sister got involved in this & she is furious................she feels someone has to protect our elderly parents. I told her to do what she has to do. I would rather see my son in jail than dead........now everyon e in my family is yelling at me. My SS is telling me I shouldn't have told my sister but God Knows I NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO YESTERDAY. How much can 1 person take. I am so upset now I don't know what to do.
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Old 04-27-2007, 02:16 PM
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Hi,
Don't know if we have officially 'met' here. My addict is my (soon to be EX) AH. I haven't been on much lately and I don't know your story.

Anyhow, try to take a step back and breathe deeply. You did nothing wrong by revealing the truth to anyone. It may have shocked some people, but it is not your fault and you can't take responsiblity for someone else's choices-even your son's. (I know that is easier said than done because I have three boys, two of them grown; I know how mamas want to take on every problem their 'little boys' have)

People that don't live with an addict are not going to understand what you are dealing with. Try to find a meeting of alanon or naranon and get some face to face support from people who DO understand.

(((HUGS to you from Tennessee))))
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Old 04-27-2007, 02:22 PM
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Hi Rozied...
These situations are always so confusing and I never know what the right thing to do is in situations like these. "Don't tell"...."Do tell"...."See what happens"....everyone always has so many opinions, demands....
A person can't help but feel like they are being pulled in 10 different directions. Usually in times like these, it's a good time to tune everyone out and focus on what is best for you and your serenity. You did not cause your son to use and you can not control him. Just like you can not cause or control the actions others want to take.
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Old 04-27-2007, 02:25 PM
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rozied
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Thanx Jen from Tennessee!!!! My AS is 40 yrs old & he has been getting money from my 87 yr old parents. Now we found out he took a ck they gave him & cashed it. It was made out to a business & one of his friends evidently wks there. My parents do not want to press charges but I told my sister yesterday & she wants to do something. I have such mixed feelings over all of this I want to see my AS get help not be hurt. My sister feels my AS has taken enough from them and someone has to do something. Now she & her fiancee went to this business to find out exactely how much the engine cost & what happened to the 1200 from the check my AS was suppossed to rip up.
His addiction has been going on since he was 21 mostly from my parents enabling him. Now my parents will more than likely be angry with me just like my SS was angry with me.
What a mess & I always wind up feeling guilty cuz my AS confided in me.
Love,
Diane
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Old 04-27-2007, 02:27 PM
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I have to agree with Duet and Cupi honey. IMO....it's up to your parents to call the police, but no one should be upset with you for needing to talk to someone about what happened. We all need someone to talk to every now and then. The bottom line is your AS is responsible for what he did, not you. I know you feel awful this happened to your parents, but they will either have enough of it, or keep getting sucked in and there isn't anything anyone can do at this point. It's their call.
Now.....stop and take a deep breath. None of this was your fault and I pray everything works out the way it should.
Sending you some much needed hugs.
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Old 04-27-2007, 02:30 PM
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let it grow!
 
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i'm sorry, rozied. k
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Old 04-27-2007, 02:36 PM
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Rozied, you have nothing to feel bad about. Your son is the one caused this mess and no one else. If your parents and son dont like that you spoke about this to your sister then maybe you should suggest that you dont want to know the details of his actions anymore.

Don't feel bad.. and as for your sister. I really dont think there is much she can do if your parents dont want to press charges.

Rozied, remember to take care of you, you should be your main focus.

Hugs,
jewel
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Old 04-27-2007, 02:38 PM
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i am sure you will read the answer to you on the other post.hugs,
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Old 04-27-2007, 02:42 PM
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rozied
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Evidently my AS gave the check to the business to pay for the car & instead cashed the money orders given to him to pay for the cars engine at the bank.............he claims to have blown 900 of it in Atlantic City but I have my doubts. My sister wants the guy who wks at the business ( my AS's friend ? ) to sweat & wants to call the District Attorney. I told her to go home & think about it for awhile & to calm down. She claims to be calm but I could tell she is all upset. My parents are of sound mind & it is THEIR money not mine or my sisters. I feel it should be up to them.
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Old 04-27-2007, 02:43 PM
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rozied
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I have decided to take your advice. I took my phones off the hook & will not speak to anyone. I need time for myself to sort this all out.
Love,
Diane
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Old 04-27-2007, 02:50 PM
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try not to beat yourself up, you did what you felt like you needed to do, its her mom too, and i agree with you, about your son, being better off in jail than on the street doing drugs. i think maybe you wanted to protect your parents too. try not to worry too much about what ss has to say, you have to do what you can live with. i think that you may have done the right thing by telling your sister, she may be able to do what you couldn't do to help protect your parents and your son. i'll keep all of you in my prayers.
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Old 04-27-2007, 03:52 PM
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rozied
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My many thanks to you all. Teke, Lovestoomuch & anyone I failed to mention, thank you all so much and I sure needed those hugs. I am now busy eating cheesecake & waiting for my hubby to get done cooking Fettuccine Alfredo. I must take my phones off the hook more often.
Love To You ALL,
Diane
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Old 04-27-2007, 04:09 PM
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Ann
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Rozied, none of this is your fault. If your sister wants to be mad, then that's her problem. If your SS wants to be mad, that's his problem. And if they choose to be mad at you instead of your son who was responsible for all this, then that's their foolishness and you don't own any of it.

Good for you for taking the phone off the hook. You don't have to talk to anyone who cannot speak respectfully to you. Take your life back, Rozied, and let the rest of the world spin away. You don't have to take one more minute of blame or shame or angry accusations.

I'm sending hugs too, and hope you will get some rest and keep your phone off the hook all weekend if necessary.

Hugs
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Old 04-27-2007, 04:17 PM
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Rozied,
Good grief, how much can one gal take? I agree, be good to yourself, this has NOTHING to do with you.
You did tell your parents about your AS, it's not that they were uninformed.
Now, the ball is in there court to do as they would like.

I have a feeling they won't be lending that lad any money in the future...


Hugs from one mom to another......
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Old 04-27-2007, 04:56 PM
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rozied
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AWW Shucks You guys r just about the best friends a girl can have.
Ann & Diane Thank you soooooooooooooooooo much.
I need to clear my head & I do not want to talk to anyone in my family at this point. I am gonna eat Fettucinne Alfredo that Mr Rozied made us & watch TV & enjoy the evening.
My heart is just overflowing with all the love & support I have found at SR.
I thank each & everyone of you AGAIN
Love,
Diane
PS I have my christian music playing on the ***** IM site Launchcast I think its called!!!
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Old 04-27-2007, 05:01 PM
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It always amazes me how much misplaced anger there is in this world. My daughter's abf's 14 year old daughter hates me and goes around school telling people that I harass her father because I don't want my daughter with a man who is 17 years older. I know that she is projecting her anger at her father on me. So I just let it go. You need to tell everyone involved to take their anger and direct it at the source of the problem--your AS. Maybe you could invite everyone to your house and put you AS in the middle of the room and let everyone have at it No, just kidding. But it sure would be nice if the person who was responsible could bear the brunt of the anger instead of you. Keep those phones off. Maybe if they can't b*tch at you, they will find someone else. Hugs, Marle
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Old 04-27-2007, 05:06 PM
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I love that you took the phone off the hook! Way to go! Hope you enjoyed the Fettucinne Mr Rozied deserves a ((HUG)) - you two sound like a great team - Winners all the way
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Old 04-27-2007, 05:10 PM
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rozied
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Thanx Marle I sure am enjoying my nite in spite of it all
I must take my phones off more often
Love,
Di
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Old 04-27-2007, 06:29 PM
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Hi Diane.. sorry I am late coming on this.. but I want to add my support and love and prayers. Sounds like your parents are enablers and NO ONE likes it but your AS and they ahve decided you need to be in the middle.

You are very smart to take the phones off the hook and get out of the middle and take care of you.

((((Diane)))) Hugs too!
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Old 04-27-2007, 07:59 PM
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I hate that you are going thru this and that they are making you feel bad...............I I dont know who I'd be more upset with my mom for helping my child hurt thenmself or my child for hurting my parent..........You are in my thoughts and prayers.............

both ends , its so not fair to you. I know for me, the love I have for my parents and my children well it runs close in depth

Hugs
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